I woke to every single noise last night thinking it was Owen but it was my anticipation of how Friday nights usually go. Instead, he slept until a few minutes after six. It was glorious. I told him to go to the bathroom before he got his tablet. He knew he was going to grandma’s house today and he told me as soon as he was out of the bathroom. It was a slow-moving morning but I started getting dressed. He said “pants” not “blue pants”. He just said pants. Just pants. Not blue pants. I am shouting for joy with the one simple word. Not hearing the word “blue” attached to what I was wearing gave me a sense of relief that we might be pushing forward ever so slightly. I knew I’d hear “blue pants” again as that day wore on but at least for that moment he was calm. He said earlier that Spider-Man wore red pants. I was thankful for this as well. He likes Spider-Man and if he can relate his pants to any other color besides blue that’s also progress. He finished eating his breakfast and we got ready to go to grandma’s house. He didn’t mention my shoes and he only said one time “blue pants we don’t talk about blue pants” and I told him we can talk about it but we have to give people kindness and grace if they aren’t wearing it. We got out the door without another mention. He had a great time with grandma and then we went to the park with our friends. He did great and I think the park wore him out. When we got home we both kept eating it seems. He was going through all the days of the week ahead. He said he was going to see grandma on Tuesday and I said who are you going to be with on Tuesday trying to get him to tell me his teacher. And with that, he said her name. He came back a second later and said, “mommy gonna pick me up on Thursday.” He’s got that right so we can go to his therapy sessions. So much progress it felt like. He was eating his requested shrimp. I put a wet napkin next to him, which I do a lot of times, but this time I said use it on your hands after each bite. He was kind of doing it. I wonder if he will ask for his chicken nuggets and cheeseburger or fish tomorrow on the way home from church since he enjoyed it so much the other day. He was very calm and I’m thankful for that. I’m trying to explain to him I’m sad because I lost my brother but there is no way possible for him to completely understand this. But I do know he understands I am sad and he was trying to make me happy by hugging me. I needed these victories today. I’m thankful for a good day when I needed it most. Tomorrow is church and he is ready to go and I am ready to sit in the sanctuary of God’s grace. Every step is a step. The smallest of steps can be the hugest of victories. Keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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