I never imagined the earth-shaking emotions I would go through daily only to soar the next minute into a glory like no other. The two-hour struggle for Owen to fall asleep is gut-wrenching some nights. He heard a dog barking outside when he was almost asleep. That added an in-depth conversation about “see the puppy”. Then he kept asking me to get ready. Loneliness swept through my veins at that moment. I can’t even begin to explain to him why he has no school or activities right now. I spent an hour last night working with him on FaceTime trying to get him to understand that people can be seen if he wants to talk to them. It’s an up and down battle because some people he has no problem with and others he won’t even let me talk with them on the phone. Anytime my phone rings he will come running, standing next to me with his ear close to the phone. Depending on who it is he will try to grab the phone from me and hang it up. All of the messages that I get from our school board telling me of things to come get met with screams and him trying to take the phone. This gets me sipping my coffee at ten o’clock at night trying not to cry. Nothing is easy for my baby. I sit here in the silence going through the day, trying to find ways to make it easier on Owen, on myself. I get emotional because I can’t always help him and when he says, “school” I know he wants me to reply, “is over”. I start singing songs now, trying to make him laugh. It’s more to keep me from crying or losing my patience. He says it a lot, a lot a lot, and then a lot more. And if it’s not about school it’s about other activities he wants to do or items he wants. He woke up this morning and his focus was “box”. At his grandparents, they have a computer tower. We only have a laptop. He likes the monitor and tower they have, turning it on and off, and doing his “work” on the computer. He calls the tower “box” and because he likes everything to look as it should he wants the box instead of the laptop. I was working on sentence structure with Owen using the suggestions from his speech teacher. I said, “what color is the grass the grass is green”. He said, “grass is green”. I said, “what color is the sky the sky is blue”. He said, “what color is the sky the sky is clouds and moon”. My little amazing rock star, astronaut, computer engineer, semi-pro bowling gymnast in the making is learning so much and has come so far. That, I remind myself, is what I focus on. I kept the tears pretty much at bay all day. Coffee to the rescue a lot of times and hugs from my sweet baby O when he wasn’t trying to eat my hair. Today I grew. I don’t want to admit it, I’d rather be hard on myself, but I grew. Be bold, be beautiful, be you. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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