Some days there’s a loneliness that sits on my heart. Owen woke before four. He was prepared for the day way before I was but there were the screams, the meltdowns, and the commands before it even turned five, yet he was very calm. I wait for the moments when he comes to sniff my hair or inspect what I’m wearing. It’s jarring when I’m walking and he stops right in front of me to touch my shoes. I tell him to keep the volume down on all his devices and even the tv but he never does and none of the devices have easy controls to lock the volume. Looking for any solution to any of my concerns, problems, or questions takes hours upon hours of research only for it to not work. Some days I wake up cranky. Summers are so incredibly hard on him and not having his routine can be very daunting for him. He was happy all morning but he was all expressing all his emotions to me if I asked him to do anything. Reading with me took screaming to a whole new level so I just stopped reading with him. I never know if this is the good solution or the bad solution but it was the I want to cry solution for me. He ate a huge breakfast and multiple ones at that. His milk went everywhere and thankfully there wasn’t much left in the cup but while I started cleaning up one mess he made a whole other one in the bathroom and the trail continued. He is a sensory kiddo and I have to breathe. It’s another one of the behaviors that he is cycling through. I really didn’t know how he could make that much of a mess in less than a minute's time but here we were. Stage one took twenty minutes to clean and then a bath for him. I finally got it to a point where we both could get dressed and I took him to grandma's house. He was very happy on the ride. I went a different way and this change kept him from saying it was raining when it wasn’t. He did great with grandma. When I picked him up he said he wasn’t going bowling today but the whole way home he asked to go. I knew he really didn’t want to go because he still screams when I drive to the parking lot of the bowling alley. The night went smoother than the morning and he is ready for church tomorrow. He fell asleep in my arms and I lay there reflecting on the day. Each moment in time is a learning experience. The days can be hard and our lives are not easy to explain but the love sure is. The highlight of my day was when he asked to sing “Old MacDonald play the guitar.” His love for music is skyrocketing and I’m thankful. I love that he is learning to play so many instruments and can sing with all his heart. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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