I couldn’t fall asleep last night after I had fallen asleep in Owen’s bed. It was well after midnight and I was still tossing and turning. I knew he would be up early but thankfully he slept until after four. I don’t know when that became a good thing but I keep telling myself that after four is much better than three. The birds were doing their bird thing and even if I could have snoozed a little Owen had plenty of activities he wanted me to be involved in and not involved in. The commands and demands were made. I have to slice my way through all the intricacies of what will cause meltdowns and what will be fine if I squash the demands in the bud. It’s exhausting. Knowing one move could cause hours of him crying, screaming, or any other behavior is hard. I am constantly trying to stay one step ahead of his emotions and mine at the same time. It’s like playing chess with the rules of Battleship and Bingo intertwined, blowing bubbles, and eating pizza, plus walking on a tightrope, and singing Old MacDonald all at the same time. He was ready to go to church though. I always need to start getting ready early because everything takes us approximately 2 days, 4 hours, 53 minutes, and 28 seconds to get ready. I keep talking to God telling him to still my heart and make me strong. Do you ever pray harder when your day is harder? I roar to God. I roar. My tears trample my soul sometimes and I have to ask God to help me through all my doubts and worry. I want to do everything I can to help Owen grow, to help me grow, and sometimes that is just hard. He was playing with the vacuum all day but he wanted to plug it in. I told him that he couldn’t plug it in until he learned how to plug his tablet in. He has broken so many of the plugs I don’t want him to break the vacuum plug so then he was helping me plug in his tablets without screaming about it. He was then screaming about the vacuum because it wasn’t doing the same thing as one of the videos he was watching. I told him to finish his lunch instead of yelling. And then I got watermelon so he started yelling “no no no” so he didn’t have any watermelon and I was going to give him any but he doesn’t always tolerate the food I’m eating and the smells will bother him even from the other room. He was hungry tonight. I made him about 12 or so chicken fingers and cheese. He devoured them and as soon as he was done he requested more chicken. I said how many more he said, “six or eight”. He was very interactive with me and wanted me to sit and watch him watching tv. Once I started asking questions he wanted to send me back to “sit in the white bed”. He is so excited because tomorrow he goes to summer school. He can’t wait to see his teacher. I’m so thankful he gets to go. He fell asleep quickly and I hope tonight’s the night we get back to sleeping later. I’m thankful for his words and interactions. I can’t wait for his big day tomorrow. Look for the miracles around you and let your heart’s song soar. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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