Owen came to my bed around four. I think it was the first night I had slept more than an hour at a time in more days than I could count. He got into bed with me and we slept again. Before I fell back asleep I listened to hear if he still sounded like he was as stuffy and thankfully I thought he sounded better. We were both slow to want to get up but I said the magic words of his teacher’s name and he was up and on his way to the bathroom quickly. Surprisingly as we were getting ready he wasn’t watching me like a hawk to make sure I put blue jeans on. I walked out of my room and instant tears came from Owen. “Blue pants tomorrow,” he said. I had black jeans and a white shirt on. And his eyes filled with all the emotions he could process in ten seconds and then the tears fell over his eyelids like a raging waterfall. My emotions ran the gamut as I stood there watching him turn from happy to sad all because of the color of my pants. My feelings were strapped in that rollercoaster next to him but all I could think about is the tears in his eyes because of my wearing black jeans. Why is it so hard, what makes this a difficult thing for him, and where do we go from here? I didn’t have blue pants clean that were quick to get since they were in the basement so I put my black jeans on. He started repeating my wardrobes that he likes. “Blue pants pink polka dot pink shoes blue pants pink bunny pink shoes blue pants pink shirt pink shoes blue pants pink stripe pink shoes” and he would have kept going if I didn’t say to him would you rather I wear my camo pants? I wanted to stop his tears, I wanted to do anything to stop his tears. We didn’t have much time but I said I would put on my camo pants if that would make him happier but he still stood there crying. I went to the laundry hamper and I got a pair of blue jeans and I put them on. I don’t know what the answer is anymore. He’s been doing better about it in my mind but clearly, he’s still so emotional and fixated on this. He hadn’t moved from when I went to change. When I came out in my blue pants he came to me and his tears stopped. “Blue pants white shirt pink shoes,” he said. He talked to me about when I got him from the bus after school what he wanted me to wear but I told him I would be wearing the same thing. I do not want him to dictate everything I wear but I also want to walk out our door. There’s an answer to this somewhere and I will find it. I have been researching how the brain processes hearing and sight and I believe there are connections to how this all works together. Once we walked out of our door to get to the bus stop he was very happy. He wanted to translate different phrases again and asked for Santa the pirate to bring him an octopus hat. I love that he is requesting a “present it’s a gift” from Santa the pirate. He also told me he wanted a black hat. I always like to make sure that’s what he wants because I know that he has very specific items he wants but does not necessarily know how to express it so we are learning together and I show him the items online before I order them. When he came home from school I was wearing the correct clothes and he was pleased. I loved how many words he expressed and conversations we had. Plus, he ignored me but I try not to think about those moments. Kid stuff, I remind myself. He wanted to take an “extra long bath” before bed and I said he could. What he really wanted was for me to show him a Mickey Mouse game the entire time he was in the bath. I gladly did because it was more interactions with me. He fell asleep almost instantly when he got in bed but he told me “bed pull momma hair.” For some reason that is his new old thing. He used to always pull my hair and now if I lay next to him in his bed he will pull my hair and yell at me “we don’t pull hair.” I told him I wouldn’t get in bed with him anymore I would stand beside his bed. He tends to fall asleep quicker as well. We learn, we love, we grow. Owen has taught me so much about life and I’m thankful for every single lesson. Follow your heart, share your dreams, and inspire the world with your heart song. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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