I can’t even remember how many times I thought or said the word “August” today. Owen asked for his teacher more times than I could count. And I keep thinking oh please let us find some kind of routine. The yelling and meltdowns are exhausting and not to mention the exhaustion is exhausting. He has been going to bed so late and when I think he’s asleep he’s not. He wakes up screaming about the color of an object or something he ate a week ago or needing to go potty but as soon as he gets in the bathroom he screams “no potty today”. I stood in front of the refrigerator and I couldn’t even open the doors. I immediately started crying. I hung on the handles to stand upright. He came up behind me and started laughing. I didn’t want to start bedtime. I pray he sleeps like he did last night. He slept until about six this morning. For that I’m thankful. We had a pretty good day. We went to the park with our friends, we went to his therapy, and we got his chicken nuggets for lunch. But that drive home. Those last few blocks. Why, oh why, oh why is screaming the stage we have to be at right now. My heart aches for him. My words mean nothing at this point. It’s hard not to feel like you are on an island and not the kind with the tiki bar and great sunsets, more like just you and Wilson. His words and actions are becoming more animated and clear. I love it. “Say it slowly”, he said to me when I was talking to Siri, “you can do it” he went on. My words coming out of his mouth. With his lunch, I got him honey mustard sauce. He never eats it until today. I had walked into the other room and I hear, “honey mustard please more honey mustard”. He was eating it straight from the little tub with his finger. He wasn’t dipping his fries or nuggets in it. He ate all of it. I told him we were going to a little petting zoo tomorrow. He said he was “gonna see lion and kangaroo”. I told him it was a little zoo and he said, “I see little animals and a horse”. We shall see how that goes over. We have to get there first. I pray for the adventure to go smoothly. He sang to me in French and requested more phrases in Portuguese. His smile gets me through our days. Celebrate even the tiniest of steps forward because they can lead to the hugest of victories. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.