I haven't written anything for awhile because every time I go to write it comes out I hate autism. I sit back some days and think okay the word autism isn't as bad as the word autistic. I can handle the word autism. And then I think I hate autism.
I often wonder how I knew so little about autism three months ago, six months ago or even a year ago. Mind you, I still feel like I know nothing about autism except I hate autism. There are days it is just so frustrating because I can see the struggle in my son's eyes or I can see the lack of communication skills making it so hard on him to get me to understand what he wants. This amazing little gift shouldn't have to struggle, shouldn't have things so hard but he does... So I have to stop hating autism and start letting go.
When the word autism was spoken to me at first I thought, I have a grasp on this nothing has changed, he is still Owen but now I think everything changed. Not in Owen but in me. I got protective, I got fierce, I got the title Momma Bear. I will do anything I can to help my son, protect him and let him be Owen.
Today, I look at my son and I think I can't wait to see what he does next. Today, I decided to stop hating autism, stop hating the word autistic and start just knowing that it will be okay. In fact Owen is thriving and learning and I can see such a spark in his eyes. Today, I know that no matter what this momma bear loves her son and no word or condition will ever change that.
I often wonder how I knew so little about autism three months ago, six months ago or even a year ago. Mind you, I still feel like I know nothing about autism except I hate autism. There are days it is just so frustrating because I can see the struggle in my son's eyes or I can see the lack of communication skills making it so hard on him to get me to understand what he wants. This amazing little gift shouldn't have to struggle, shouldn't have things so hard but he does... So I have to stop hating autism and start letting go.
When the word autism was spoken to me at first I thought, I have a grasp on this nothing has changed, he is still Owen but now I think everything changed. Not in Owen but in me. I got protective, I got fierce, I got the title Momma Bear. I will do anything I can to help my son, protect him and let him be Owen.
Today, I look at my son and I think I can't wait to see what he does next. Today, I decided to stop hating autism, stop hating the word autistic and start just knowing that it will be okay. In fact Owen is thriving and learning and I can see such a spark in his eyes. Today, I know that no matter what this momma bear loves her son and no word or condition will ever change that.
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