How many hours in a day can you scream, Owen not me, and how many times can you say the first sound of a word without saying the word. These and other questions I’ve pondered a lot today. “Swe swe swe swwweatTaaTaa sweat ta ta sweat ta ta pants ts tS”, Owen repeated several times. “Sweatpants sweatpannnta ta ta tah pants”, he kept going. The night was filled with words he would drawl out. Soft and then loud, scream and then scream louder, laugh and then quiet. It went on and on. Most of it was clothing talk. He’s currently obsessed with colors of clothing, what he will be wearing, what he won’t be wearing, what I will be wearing, and certainly letting me know when I won’t be wearing something. The screaming, you would think I’d be used to it by now. I’m not. It doesn’t magically get easier for my child to scream at me. It’s gut-wrenching. It’s lonely, it’s daunting, and I want to scream back. That’s not the answer and he thrives on any hint of me getting upset about it. He’s nine. All I keep thinking about is getting ahead of these emotions before he gets older. There were many happy moments, many mini meltdowns, and times he was clinging to my side like he couldn’t move. Summers are hard, breaks are hard. He continued to ask me about school tomorrow and seeing his teacher. He went back and forth between this and talking about previous babysitters he hasn’t seen in years. He then started repeating that he is “not going to nursery school today no nursery school today”. I’m not sure how he even got to that point but he got right in my face with his foot-tapping and that means I better help calm him or a huge meltdown will start. His days blend together and what he wants to do and what has happened in the past all mix together. All I can do is keep pushing forward and focus on the good stuff. He sang his heart out today and in numerous languages, harmonizing his way through many songs, and even playing a couple of his instruments. I’m thankful for those moments on this journey, those are my smile moments, our victories. Find your strength, push forward, and know that you can change the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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