Some days all I can do is stare into space praying for answers. Owen sat on the couch crying. I was trying everything I could do not to cry too. My heart aches for him. How on earth do you explain that people come in and out of our lives but it doesn’t mean that they didn’t matter or they didn’t care about you. Time is such a hard concept to comprehend. He requests his teacher every day. I explain to him he will see her in August. We look at the calendar, we count the days, and I explain to him that his teacher misses him very much. Then add in his summer school teacher and he’s wondering why he’s not there now. When anything but routine is not routine it’s hard. I wonder sometimes how I can make his world more routine but that’s not how life goes. He went to spend a couple of hours with his grandma and then on the way home we saw a detour sign. The highway was blocked off and I tried to explain to him that we couldn’t go that way. I asked him if he could read the sign. He started saying the letters. I know the concept was hard to understand because it’s not a road we generally go down but I still wanted him to see the visual of the road being closed. I told him that’s why we can’t always go the way we want to go. My heart ached a little more for him at that point. The routine, he needs that structure and something he can control. We had a meeting this afternoon with one of our support team. The last time we had our meeting she came to our house. Today she was doing FaceTime with us. It’s hard for Owen to understand when someone is on the phone that he knows and especially with a visual of that person. He was really upset that she wasn’t here in person but handled the phone call pretty well. It’s always so emotional for him. It’s another thing he has to process why someone is talking to him but not here. I breathe. It’s been a rough day but he’s also had a good day. No huge meltdowns even with everything that was thrown at him but his emotions came out in the form of tears and words that didn’t connect to the moment but for him they meant everything. All I can do is hold him through the tears and tell him it’s going to be fine. I got him to laugh and we sat together playing games. That’s my joy. Find what makes your heart happy and know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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