Owen did not want to wake up this morning, so much so that he went from his bed to my bed and covered himself completely with the blankets. I had to convince him to get up. I told him what his day held and that seemed to get him moving. Tonight he will start back to his weekly church program. That makes him extremely happy. He loves going. I think it’s like an extended family to him and that makes me happy. He asks about church every day. I’m thankful that he has made a connection to church and its sense of security. I think back to when I was a young child. The church was as much a part of our life as my family was. I’m thankful that Owen understands this as well. Being a special needs parent feels lonely and isolating sometimes, but knowing you are truly not alone helps. The days are daunting when I least expect it and sadness washes over me, but then I think about Owen’s smile and the sun shines again. Knowing that we have an extended family of people that care about us makes a huge difference in the steps we take. We all got something. There isn’t a soul that isn’t touched with pain of some kind, but being able to rest on the old rugged cross helps to wash away the blues. I see a huge difference in Owen now. But his emotions are also stronger. I pray every day for guidance to know how to help my baby. Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. And for that, I pray a lot for strength. His emotions cut me to the quick and even when he is not standing beside me I can feel the ripple of his words on my heart. I sat at a stop sign, waiting for my turn. It wasn’t even a stoplight, but I kept hearing Owen yell, “greenA greeeenA”. He was at school, but in that moment I could feel his pulse of anxiety run through me. I have to push past those moments and know that it will be fine. I’ve learned to appreciate life in a new way. I’m thankful for the little things and I am glad that my sweet baby O is making new connections every day. Together we grow, together we learn. You are not alone. Even in moments of darkness, the sun will start to shine. Find your strength and keep pushing through the rain. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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