I heard Owen get out of bed and the frantic screams started immediately. He yelled his teacher’s name all the way to my room. I had to calm him. I said you will see her soon. What else was I supposed to do. I needed to go back to sleep. I didn’t want a repeat of the night before. He moved on to bowling. I told him we would go. He is so confused by this week without school. Tears the size of goldfish are floating in my eyes as I think about it. In the grand scheme of life, this week has gone very smooth. He was able to stay with friends he loves for a few days and his grandparents but it’s not routine. And as hard as it is on him I’m thankful he can express what he wants. That brings more goldfish tears swimming. I waited for Owen’s words, sometimes begging him to talk to me. The screams become deafening when you don’t know how to comfort your baby. I can only imagine how he felt when I would try to comfort him with something that would only made him scream more. He would wake up in the middle of the night and scream for hours. I can remember pacing in my living room, holding him, trying to comfort him, not knowing what to do, crying out to God to give Owen peace. This morning his anxiety is running high. If I try to do anything besides sitting on the couch he starts squealing and his foot starts tapping. I got up to get more coffee. He came running across the room, stopping in front of me. He put his hands on me, saying, “sit down”. There’s the fine line of sitting back down and pushing forward. I told him I was getting more coffee. Me not sitting when the request of sitting has taken place has caused many meltdowns over the years. I’m not sure how this even started. And I’m not sure which one of us it affects more. We push forward. Today, as Owen sings, “single bells single bells single all the way”, a tune he sings throughout the year, I asked him if he wanted to see Santa. He replied with, “wanna see de fish”. His connections are amazing. We go to see the fish at the store where I took him to see Santa. They have a huge fish tank that he loves. The treasure of life is all around us. We chose to see the glory in what shines. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.