When You Were Wednesday

To say I’m tired might be an understatement. Owen struggled yesterday with emotions and now I’m struggling with mine. It is so hard to watch your child cry over the fact that I can’t find a video he wants to watch. Taking a device away is not the solution because he will go right back to the same thing that he was looking for hours or days later. He was in sensory overload yesterday. Every single thing was “makE de noise”. His socks were making noise as he took them off, bath water was going to make noise, the laundry on the couch, anything and everything was making Owen cry or scream. He fell asleep in my arms. But he woke before three in the morning ready for his day. I had him in bed with me at first, but he wouldn’t lay still. He wants his head squished against my head and his body lying across the bed. His feet were constantly moving, kicking me willy-nilly, and laughing when I tried to get him to move down. He wanted the blanket on him, saying, “bwanket pwease”, but throwing it right back off himself. Two hours later I told him that if he didn’t stop kicking me he would have to go to his bed. An hour into that process, after telling him that he wouldn’t get to go to church tonight, he stayed in bed. He had gotten out of bed no less than ten times, running around the house. I felt like I hit the jackpot of two minutes for sleep when the timer went off and we were headed to the races. His morning was filled with laughter and delight, practically dragging me to the bus stop. And me, I was dragging to the bus stop. We go for his wellness yearly checkup today. I told him days ago preparing him for the visit. I often wonder if this helps or complicates the process. When I told him he was going to the doctor he went through all the steps. He told me we had to park, go on “de elevator”, and even the doctor’s name. I feel excited about his words and thankfully he loves his doctor, but did I make it harder on us because I am preparing him for future events. Every night we go through the same steps. He asks about school and his teacher. He says, “I go to sweep and den I”, leaving the sentence unfinished, waiting for me to finish it. I cried more last night than I’ve cried in a while. It’s emotionally and physically draining watching your child cry over something that you can’t change or help them understand. Today I’m focused on a better day and how to help my baby through these moments. One day at a time. Know that you are a lot stronger than you think you are. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!