Three o’clock in the morning comes awfully earlier when one o’clock at night is bedtime. Owen got into bed with me shortly after I fell asleep, and then he woke up around three or four. It was all blending together at the time but once he was awake again there was no convincing him it was bedtime. I then told him he could take his tablet to his bedroom and stay in there. What he heard was coming back every two minutes to see if mommy had her eyes closed. At that point, I got up. His anxiety has been high the last week, constantly checking on his schedule, or making sure everything is in its place. I went to the bathroom and when I was done he came running from the other room to fix the door. Like with everything in this house it must have a place even if that place is out of place. He has to have it at a certain angle and that doesn’t necessarily mean a straight angle but one that makes sense to him. I remind him to breathe through this. I completely understand that he has to, wants to, or needs to have certain objects in their place but I also need him to understand that the door will not always stay in its place. He will try to adjust it before I’m even out of the way. Teaching him a skill is not a once and we are done kinda thing. It can take weeks, months, even years of repetitive actions to get him to understand the process. Like counting cars and breathing techniques to help with his emotions and anxiety have been years in the making. He went to visit his grandma today and on the way home, he started screaming and having a huge meltdown at a light. I tried to calm him but he kept screaming. I started crying and he stopped. I couldn’t control my emotions. At nine years old he was screaming because I had to stop at a traffic light and he wanted to sit on the other side of the car. Plus, add in the fact that it “was raining it’s not raining it’s not raining the sky is blue it’s grey the sky is raining” and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He said, “you're sad”. I cried harder. Connections, they are overwhelming for both of us but this was also a huge amount of progress. When we got home he was pretty calm but he wanted to sit with me and he wanted me to ask Siri lots of questions. He then moved on to having a discussion with Alexa and she was wrong according to him. And I do believe he got her straightened out. You would think he would have been ready for bedtime but it took a lot of convincing to get him to go. Once I did he was out with the lights. He fell asleep with his head at the foot of the bed and talked about going to church tomorrow. Each step forward is a step I cherish. As emotional as today was I’m thankful for his connections and that I see progress. Share your smile and know that you can make a difference in our world. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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