You Got Me Monday

I wonder when Owen will be on to me about “twinkle twinkle”. I had it playing in the hall again. My trap was set. I can’t imagine that it will keep working, but for now, it’s still my go-to for getting him up and moving. He wants it off, but as soon as we got to the bus stop he asked me to sing it, multiple times, prompting me if I attempted to stop early. I’m extremely fascinated by how his brain works, but I’m also daunted by it. There are times trying to stay ahead of his emotions kick my emotions into overdrive. Instant tears fall sometimes even when I try to keep my emotions at bay. Before we left for the bus stop I put his shoes on him. Over the last few weeks, the wear and tear on his shoes has caused the need to pull the Velcro tighter. This makes it flip up a little at the edges. This is what started happening with his last pair but I thought the way these were designed wouldn’t be a problem. He sat there on the couch flipping the Velcro up and down stating, “your shoes are fine”, the words I’ve spoken so many times, hoping to reassure him, but maybe causing more anxiety with them. As we walked to the bus stop he had to bend over multiple times to look at them and then standing, waiting on the bus, I could feel his anxiousness rising. So it’s back to the drawing board for shoes. Velcro truly seemed the way to go. Slip-on shoes are not an option for him. Those bring instant meltdowns as he tries to walk in them. No flip flops or sandals of any kind, so sneakers are the go-to choice. I think I will try to find a shoe that has laces but are stretchy instead. Before Owen could really communicate even a portion of his emotions I always worried about his socks. I can’t stand when the seam isn’t right. And that’s one of the things that still gets me all choked up and fighting back tears as I write. How was he ever going to tell me when something was wrong. He’s vocabulary is forming and his expressive words are stronger every day, but sometimes there are still those moments when neither one of us knows what to say. We stand facing each other and if he gets stuck on a thought or can’t process what I am saying, I repeat, “I love you” every time he says something. Many days we now stand there repeating it over and over. For the love of my sweet baby O, I keep pushing forward every day. Find your strength, be inspired, and follow your dreams. Smiles to all and donut daze!