Last night was the first night in a long time that I’ve slept most of the night. Owen came to me before five, saying, “Tablet tablet.” I wasn’t even sure what was happening at first and then the fog lifted as much as it could without coffee and I said, “Good morning.” Before I could say anything else he said, “I’m fine how are you tablet tablet nighttime back to bed white bed.” That about covered everything but we were up.

I got up and started my coffee since the timer still had more than thirty minutes before it would start. He kept telling me to go back to the “white bed” but the bathroom and coffee were in need first. I got my coffee and headed back to bed. He soon followed me. He wanted to sit for five more minutes, then one minute, and thirty-five seconds was the last request. I told him if he wanted to go to school we had to get going. The demands didn’t stop.

I do believe I sent him to school with a chocolate milk mustache. I had wiped his mouth off and then I think he ran back to get more to drink before he put his coat on. Which battle do you pick? He hates his mouth wiped and socks are now in the “nopedy nope” category.

There were so many words flying at me this morning. Sometimes it is hard to catch your breath. It feels like every single thing is urgent when he gets stuck in these moments. And if I don’t do it right away it goes to the next level of request and that could lead to the next level of a meltdown so forth and so on. It’s all about the timing and patience of both of us.

We got dressed and once again it wasn’t exactly what hat he wanted to wear. Grey pants this time but I don’t want him thinking we can only wear blue again. The meltdowns from blue pants play over and over again like a record player getting stuck in that one groove and not moving forward. I want to help him understand that we can like something and not expect the whole world to like it as well but I can only imagine what he goes through if something like blue pants causes so many struggles. All I can do is pray and hope that one of these methods will help him continue to move forward.

He knew Mommy was picking him up for therapy. He didn’t want to get in the car because he wanted to run back and tell his friends bye even though he had been with them moments before. He was happy about going to therapy and he knew that he was only having two of his three sessions today. Even though he knows it this still can throw us off. He also wanted to go to the statue and burger boy. He told me he wanted to get out but I know how this has gone lately and he didn’t want to get out.

The repetitive behaviors and elevated emotions are in full swing but thankfully he did great at therapy. He wants to make sure his schedule is intake but next week is spring break so he will be off from school for a whole week and a day. This is going to be hard for him but hopefully, we will be able to do several “Curious George adventures” as he is now calling them and that will make the week go faster.

All of the food requests came in but again that’s one of those things that now changes like the wind. He asks for many different foods but still prefers his favorites.

Learning to deal with change and emotions can be hard for anyone but when routine is so important it can be even harder to process. Each day my goal is to find ways to help Owen cope with change. Today I’m thankful for my amazing dude’s smile and how he pushed through with his therapy even though he was anxious about his days ahead. Life happens when you have something else planned. Find a way to let your stress go and focus on the sunshine in your day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

When Owen woke up he talked about wanting to go to the egg hunt at our church. He remembered that there were the inflatable slides last year but he was concerned about his days ahead and where his people were going to be today during school. I think it is more about having spring break next week and not being able to have his routine.

He asked me repeatedly again about who was going to be at school today. It’s not even something I can guess at but he wants me to tell him. We got dressed and he was pleased he was wearing jeans but he was not pleased that I was not. He started talking about all of the new shirts, pants, hats, and shoes he wanted. I’m fascinated that he wants so many things now but still only wants to wear blue pants even though he has requested other colors.

We went out to wait for the bus and he started talking to me about the bus numbers and where the bus takes him. I love how much time all of the bus staff spends talking to Owen and the other kids. He went to stand in his spot to wait for the bus and he asked me to move the gate that now blocks his view. I wish there was something I could do about it but unfortunately, I told him it is there to stay.

I could tell as soon as he got off the bus his decision was made. He decided he didn’t want to go to the egg hunt. I thought maybe he would change his mind but he didn’t. When he got off the bus I could already tell he was iffy about it. He asked to go swimming but I told him we were going on Friday thinking that may convince him to go. I mentioned the slides but no go. He wanted to stay home and talk about his days ahead. I distracted him as much as I could.

I think swimming will win every day all day. I know that for summer we will be going more often. I am working on other activities that hopefully he will be able to do more of during the summer, as well.

I asked Owen what he wanted for dinner and he said, “cotton candy” and then “pineapple” as an afterthought. I was impressed he suggested something different than his usual request but I was shocked at what he suggested since he doesn’t like either. I didn’t have them to even let him try a bite since it had been a while since he tried them but maybe I will get some to see what he thinks.

Except for his focus on the days ahead, he was very calm. He told me he was looking for hermit crabs and ferrets during his bath. The night went quickly and once again bedtime was not high on his list of priorities. I’m thankful he is sleeping a little better again. His smile and laughter were exactly what I needed. He does my heart good. Make the memories happen that you want to last a lifetime. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sleep happened. He was happy about going to school as long as his people were going to be there. He was pretty calm though and wanted to come sit with me in the “white bed.” I love mornings when he wants to talk to me and tell me about his thoughts.

We got ready and he wasn’t convinced that he liked my flower pants or the blue jogger pants he had on. I told him that today we were wearing other choices. I feel like he is going down the slippery slope of blue pants again and I truly don’t want that to happen. I talk to him about choices and he mentions all different colors of clothing so I feel like I have to keep us moving forward.

When I came back inside I saw one of the couch pillows moved.
I never know exactly what I’m going to find under a pillow. Thankfully food does not seem to be something he hides much anymore but I am still always wondering what it will be. He used to take something off our plates and then run to hide it. He would come right back and sit down with part of it so I wasn’t onto him at first. He wouldn’t go back and eat it so I’m not sure if this was because I talked to him about putting his baby teeth under the pillow for the tooth fairy or if it was for something else. Thankfully today it was his xylophone sticks.

When he came home from school he was a little anxious and I’m beginning to think this extra anxiousness is because he will be off for spring break. He wanted to go to the pool but I was thinking I would take him on Friday. If we had gone today he would be doing something every day this week if we go to the egg hunt tomorrow. He was already talking about Thursday and me picking him up for his therapy. Some days I feel like we need to be home so he can have a day to be in his element.

The night went quickly and he was calmer about his days ahead after I talked him through the scenario of him not going on Thursday even though he knows he is going. He came to me and asked again and I said, “No not this Thursday.” He said, “Try again next time” which is always his reply when something isn’t happening. I said, “Do you know what you are doing on Thursday” and he said, “Yes therapy.” I told him yes and to feel confident in his answer. He walked away. I keep hoping if I change the conversation and make him think through what he knows it will help him process it.

He came running to me and said, “Come get it Fisher Price.” This could have meant anything and I had no clue. He pointed back to the living room. I asked him what he wanted and he kept repeating the same thing. I asked him what he meant or if he could show it to me. He grabbed his tablet and he showed me a video of a See ‘n Say toy he had when he was very young. I told him we didn’t have it anymore. He said, “order it.” He also told me to order him some shape puzzles like he uses at vision therapy. His list is growing and I think it is amazing.

I’m thankful for his growth and how he is beginning to process everything. Each day gives me more hope for tomorrow. He spent some time this evening playing on his tablet with me and that makes this momma happy. Each day is a gift. Even through the rocky days, there will be a shining moment. Focus on the good stuff and remember tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen slept all night, was very excited about his day when he woke up, and followed directions because he wanted to take his tablet to his appointments today. It feels like he is processing so much more and following through on his days.

We went outside to wait for the bus. He got in his spot and we heard the bus coming from a different direction. He turned towards me and he got excited. I never know what his reaction will be when he sees the bus going what he considers the wrong way. He calmly got on the bus and I saw the driver talking to him. I love the time and consideration all of them take with Owen. I then saw him talking to the aide as the bus drove away.

I picked him up from school for his music therapy. I could tell he couldn’t concentrate and was focused on the days ahead. Plus, he was talking about all the new outfits he wanted. It is fascinating to me how he comes up with all this stuff and that he wants other colors besides blue but he seems to still want to wear blue every day and wants everyone else to wear it too. He is loving his new brown shoes though.

He talked about his best friend all the way to therapy. He wants him to go to the Easter egg hunt at our church but I don’t know that he will be able to. Owen then told me “Stay home.” He asked about it later though so I think he wants to go.

His music therapist said he had a hard time concentrating and his new thing is wanting to talk about licking door handles. Thankfully he doesn’t do it or so I think but he wants to talk about it a lot. Some days there is so much on his mind he can’t enjoy the moment he is in. I wish I could find the answer to help him.

We came home and he talked more about outfits and what he wanted me to order him. He is sounding more and more like a teenager every day. He ate his snack and then it was time to go to his vision therapy appointment. He wanted to wear a hat. I love that he is willing to do this now. It’s a huge step for him.

We got to his appointment and when we walked inside he went directly to a guy not wearing blue pants. Thankfully he stopped as soon as I called his name but he was about to do something. I explained to the man that he likes blue pants. The man was very kind and said not to worry.

He did great in his vision therapy. He was still a little distracted but was able to do so many of the activities and he was more focused than earlier. His doctor did one exercise where she had him touch his nose with his finger and then have him touch her finger. She said it is like a boop on your nose. Once she said that he said “boop” and then did it perfectly. I love it when he gets the steps.

We got home and the night went cruising by. He was calm for the most part with only a few little rollercoastery moments but we worked through them. I’m thankful for his incredible progress and even though he was very distracted he had a pretty good day. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The only constant thing is change. How do I convince Owen this is fine? How do I convince myself? At least he slept all night. Sleeping is not in my cards right now. He woke up happy and very excited about his day. The big loop we are in right now is the blue pants.

“Are you teasing me,” he said to his tablet. He had told me to take my coffee back to the “white bed.” I think he wanted some time without me asking him tons of questions. Who doesn’t want to wake up first before all the questions come?

He ate his breakfast and then he wanted to spend time with me. He wants me to play one of his games with him and he will come sit with me. He tells me “tickle” and he wants me to do compressions which eventually end up with him laughing and then wanting to be tickled. The compressions help his joints.

We talked about our day. He knew we were going to church, to his lesson, and to dinner with grandma only he wanted to go to dinner before the swimming lesson. Once I called it lunch that put a whole different spin on it but he definitely wanted to go to dinner before his swimming lesson. Flexibility is not one of the things Owen is necessarily accepting to or changes in what he wants his routine to be. Luckily, my mom understands this and she is as flexible as she can be.

We got ready for church and he was on board with all the choices ahead. He knew church first, then went home to change for swimming, meet grandma, and then our lesson. I didn’t refer to it as lunch anymore.

All the plans went accordingly as best they could. Dinner or lunch depending on who you ask was met with questions and Owen kept asking about his days ahead. He wanted to go to the library but we had to get to his lesson. He had specific roads he wanted to take and we got there on time even though he said faster and faster.

He was excited about swimming. One of his friends has his lesson at the same time as us. They make a great team. Owen is still having a hard time putting his head completely under the water unless he jumps off the edge of the pool. Learning how to breathe underwater is a hard concept for him but he has made such incredible progress and will get it.

The whole way there he talked about the pool being fixed because it was “broken” one time. The chemicals were too strong so we couldn’t go. He will never forget that. He wouldn’t stop talking about the pool being broken the entire drive there so I told him if he didn’t stop talking about it I would have to take him home. He said it one more time. I said ok we are going home. He said, “Let’s talk about tablet animals do you like color” so he thought it through. I didn’t hear it again at all on the way home.

The night he went quickly and a lot more food was requested by my growing boy. He was talking about his days ahead and wanted to make sure I was going to pick him up on Monday for his therapies. He asked me if he could take his tablet to therapy tomorrow. I asked him what he needed to do so that he could take it. He said, “Listen to mommy timer go off.” So much progress.

Sleep happened and I’m praying once again he will sleep all night. The light that dances in his eyes gives me the hope that gets me through each day. He is amazing and he will change the world. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sometimes I cry out to God, begging for one more answer. “Upper night” happened once again and Owen was ready to see his grandma. I told him repeatedly last night, he told me repeatedly last night that we would not be going to Grandma’s house if he didn’t sleep. He didn’t go to grandma's house.

My exhaustion is beyond exhausted. I gave up on crying early on. It just makes me more exhausted. For the most part, he has been calm but when he is exhausted his stimming and need for sensory input are in overdrive as well. He is loud, making an E sound as he plays with his toys or on his tablet, jumping or squishing his body into the smallest of spaces. Thankfully he is happy except for the missing his grandma part.

He lost his last baby tooth and he was very excited because the “pirate tooth fairy” was coming but I wasn’t prepared because I didn’t have a lollipop. He doesn’t like lollipops but that’s what he thinks he should get. He hid the tooth under the couch pillow and pretended to go to sleep. I somehow was able to take the tooth and put a new toy under the pillow and he was thrilled. We don’t wait until bedtime because that would cause too many complications. I asked him if he was disappointed because he didn’t get a lollipop. He said, “No yucky lick.”

It seems we’ve been eating all day. I can tell he is growing and wants all the foods. He wanted the leftover pizza. I told him that some people like pizza cold so he could try a bite and see if he liked it. One bite and the dude said, “Hot please.” I never take his words for granted. I know how hard he has worked to make those connections and I love when he can tell me exactly what he wants.

We played some music together and he sang some songs for me on his ukulele. I’m thankful for my little music man. He is doing an incredible job and has grown so much with it all.

I was ready for bed I think way before he was but bedtime happened and he fell asleep quickly. I truly hope he sleeps all night. We have a busy day planned for tomorrow and I hope we can do it all. We are going to church, then to a swimming lesson, and then to dinner with Grandma if it all works out. I’m thankful for his progress and the amazing smile he has. Find what makes you smile and go after your dreams. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Some days the emotions hit harder and today was one of those days. All the words Owen had yesterday seemed to be sitting on the shelf today. He talked to me but it took a lot more effort for him and maybe he was more in a thinking mode. I suppose I was dealing with a lot more on my plate as well so maybe it was me. When one thing breaks it seems like everything breaks. And when one thing is hard everything is hard.

We slept until after five so that was good. He wanted to play on his tablet and went to the couch. He told me it was still nighttime and to go back to bed. I took my coffee and his advice and went back to bed.

It felt like a slow-moving morning but we got ready and went to wait for the bus. He talked about going to the pool when he got home. I figured since it was the pool most likely we would go but you still never know. He stood in his spot waiting for the bus and I can always tell when he sees it. His whole body changed and he quickly changed positions until he saw the top of the bus and then came barreling towards me as it turned the corner. Off he went to school. This makes my day.

The bus pulled up, I saw him talking to the bus driver, and then he jetted off the bus on a mission. “Pool pool,” he said. I asked him if he was ready to go to the pool and he said, “Yes.” No snack, bathing suit on, and we were out the door in ten minutes.

He wouldn’t stick his head under the water at all. There were a lot of people there and so many were jumping off the diving board. It made it harder for him because he wanted to do it. My emotions were right there with him. I was trying not to cry in the pool. He has a hard time even jumping off the ladder so there is no way he can jump off the diving board yet. I have to remember how far he has come.

I ordered our pizza and we had a few minutes until we could pick it up. He told me he wanted to go see the church. He told me all the directions on how to get there. It amazes me all the places he knows. We’ve never been there so maybe the bus has driven him by it. We then went and picked up our pizza. He ate three slices and enjoyed it all.

He reminded me we had to sleep tonight so he could go to his grandma’s tomorrow. He said if he was “upper night” he wouldn’t get to go. He told me he had to stay in bed so he could go. I told him that if he did stay up all night he was right we wouldn’t go tomorrow. I pray he sleeps tonight. I’m thankful for his progress and knowing he needs to sleep. Find your joy and let it be a ray of sunshine you can share. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I have a twelve-year-old. How is that possible? Seems like just yesterday I was telling the anesthesiologist that he looked like a gummy bear. I was hungry. They kept me waiting all day when I was supposed to have Owen first thing in the morning.

We both woke at about the same time. Owen was in a good mood when he woke up. I said, “Happy birthday.” He said, “Say it in Spanish please.” I told him to tell me what it was in Spanish. He quickly said it and moved on to asking me about his day.

I asked him how old he was and he knew he was twelve today. That was exciting news for me. We’ve been working on it so when he told me how old he was it felt like huge progress from the minute we woke up. We got ready and went to wait outside. I love watching his expressions when the bus pulls up.

I picked him up from school and he felt older to me. He wanted to tell me about everything he wanted to do, knowing we were going to do them but it still felt wonderful to hear it all. He talked about his therapy, stores, places he wanted to go, people he wanted to see, and events that had already happened.

All three of his therapists said he had a really great day. That always makes me happy. They told me different things he accomplished and I see great progress. I feel like in the next couple of years he is going to soar.

When we left I asked him where he wanted to go. Burger boy was the requested place he wanted to drive by. Then he decided he wanted Chick-fil-A for dinner and pizza for dinner tomorrow after we go to the pool.

He was very tired after his therapy but I thought maybe I would convince him to go somewhere. He listed many places but they were then all no plus the traffic for some reason was horrible. This made him very anxious. The cars were all moving slowly so he started yelling “fast fast faster faster” even though there was nowhere to go. He requested a new fast, black car again. I asked him if he wanted to eat at the restaurant but he wanted to go home.

Once we headed home he started talking again about his day and asking me about all the days ahead. I started to ask him one more time if there was anything else he wanted to do for his birthday and he said, “I’m amazing.” Yes, my sweet baby O you are absolutely amazing.

He sang Happy Birthday to himself again in Spanish when he got home. He was already singing it earlier when we got to his therapy. We had a very low-key night but too much out of routine even on a special day can be hard on him. We are going to the park in a few weeks and we will have his party then with his friends.

Each day is a gift but today my most amazing gift ever turned twelve and I couldn’t be more proud of who he is and how far Owen has come. I’m thankful for his smiles, laughter, and his amazing hugs. Celebrate your gifts today. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Some days it feels like rinse repeat and other days it feels like everything is changing constantly. Today I wanted a calm day for Owen and we got that. Thankfully he slept and woke up in another great mood.

He wanted to wear blue pants once again. This time they were blue pants but jogger pants. He wasn’t as thrilled but he wore them. I keep hoping this phase will move forward instead of backwards but it seems like we are stuck in these moments.

We went out to wait for the bus and he wanted to lay in the street. I have to remind him that he can’t. I’m not sure why this has become a new fascination but he wants to lay directly in the street, not on the sidewalk or grass. I explain that even though it is early in the morning there are cars that come by and he has to be safe. Thankfully he listened to me.

When he left for school I had decided we would have a calm day at home unless he specifically asked to go someplace and he did the follow through. When he got home from school it was pretty much what I thought. He talked about going to lots of places but decided to stay home. The next few days will be busy for him so I thought it would be good to stay home.

We played some games and sang songs together. I love hearing my sweet baby O sing. I love that he is fascinated by music and that it is very calming for him. He played his harmonica and his ukulele for me as well.

He didn’t want much for dinner but asked for pizza for tomorrow night after his therapy. We will see if that is what he decides. It’s his birthday so maybe I can convince him to go out to dinner with me. That is sometimes harder on him but maybe he will want to go.

It’s hard to believe he will be twelve tomorrow. The days, weeks, months, and years have flown by. He doesn’t completely understand that it’s his birthday tomorrow or what that even means but to me, it means everything because I was given the most amazing gift ever.

Bedtime came quickly but he kept getting up wanting hugs. I pray he sleeps well and has the most amazing day tomorrow. Thursdays are one of his favorite days because he gets to go to therapy so it should be amazing for him. The smile he gives me is what makes my heart happy. Find your happiness and share it with the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

One never knows what one never knows. I could have flipped a coin a thousand times and I still would not have been able to predict how today would have gone.

We both woke up a little early. I suppose I woke him up but sometimes no matter how I try I am not as quiet as a mouse. Owen was in a great mood when he woke though and the first words out of his mouth were “Grandma’s house.” Now this doesn’t necessarily mean it is actually going to happen but there’s always hope. He said, “Eat a snack and then go to grandma’s house black computer Mommy go bye bye” so it’s all about the moments after the bus.

He played on his tablet and he kept talking to me about his games. I love when he wants to talk to me. It feels like that is happening more and more as time goes on. He is making more connections and I can hear his own expressions loud and clear the older he gets.

We got dressed and headed out to the bus. Every day I watch as his excitement builds waiting for the bus to come into view. He can see it coming down the street and he knows it will only be a couple more turns before it stops in front of our house. He comes barreling towards me and the jumping begins. He talked about his friend quickly and off he went to get on the bus. I always wonder what he says to the bus driver and aide.

I wondered all day if he would want to go to his grandma’s house when he got home or if he would be overwhelmed by the whole process. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t understand that he can see her more than one day and it also throws off his routine. The bus arrived and he said, “Grandma’s house” as soon as he got off. That still didn’t mean he was going.

We walked inside and that’s when the true magic happened. He told me no snack and wanted to go to grandma’s house. He did end up eating a snack but it was quick. He was ready to go.

When we got there he immediately noticed she was not wearing the clothes he wanted her to be in. This is hard on him. He is in a cycle with blue pants right now. I talked to his therapist about it and each day I talk to Owen about how we get to choose what we want to wear and so do others. I pray that it helps him to focus less on the color of people’s pants.

He was happy to spend time with his grandma but he was also focused on what the next few days were going to bring. Tomorrow when he comes home from school I don’t plan on taking him anywhere so that he can have a calm day. I hope it helps him. We will work on his exercises and breathing techniques.

When we came home he ate his dinner and we played games. I think my favorite thing he said to me was that we needed a faster car. He wants to get everywhere in a hurry I guess. Bedtime was quick and I hope he can sleep tonight. Today is the first day of the rest of your life so let’s make it grand. Smiles to all and donut daze!