“Dashing through the snow,” an unhappy Owen started singing after we had been up for a few minutes. He had gone through all his questions about the weather and what was and was not going to happen for our day. He was not happy with what I was telling him and he was going to ask me a lot more times before our day even got rolling.

Today was not supposed to be like this. It was “celebrate grandma’s birthday” day. We were supposed to go to church, get Arby’s, and then go sing “Happy Birthday Grandma.” None of those things were happening so he stomped around the house singing “dashing through the snow.” He was not pleased with everything I was telling him and he put his shoes on to go dashing but when asked if he wanted to go outside he firmly stated “no.”

Thankfully he had slept all night. Most nights he does lately and I wish I had said “six oh oh” when I told him how long he needed to stay in bed. Although most nights I’m up by “four oh oh” so time truly does not matter. I fell asleep early but I woke up so many times that I eventually just stayed up. I kept hoping the weather would not be bad but I think the leprechauns didn’t get dispatched in time. I’m hoping they don’t mess around tomorrow and the kids can go to school.

He kept talking about all the Christmas movies he likes to watch. He listed them all but wouldn’t tell me which one he wanted to watch. He wants to only talk about them and not necessarily watch them. I thought I would try to get him to watch it with me but it didn’t go according to plan. He took the remote control off the stand and turned it on to the movie he wanted to watch. It was on for thirty seconds, went to the second, third, and fourth before he was done and moved onto the next thing. I’m truly still not sure what movies we even watched but they all were Christmas or had snow in them as he fast-forwarded quickly.

He was getting wound up and wanted to do all the things and get all the answers that I did not have. He wanted to “cut the paper with scissors” but I told him we would have to wait a minute until I finished getting our lunch. He didn’t like that idea so he got the paper and the scissors and wanted me to help him. I told him that if he could do all that he could cut the paper by himself. I knew he could do it he just wanted me to hold the paper. He did it all and then put the scissors up.

Next up on his agenda was showing me the videos on his tablet of the things he knows I don’t want to see like putting chicken nuggets and other things in the toilet with him laughing the whole time. His tablet went out while he was showing it to me and he said, “Plug it” and continued. I told him that if he wanted it he would have to plug it in because I didn’t want to see the videos of things he knows I don’t want to see. We have been working on him plugging things in but he hasn’t been able to do it until today. I try to make him do things that he won’t do on his own unless I don’t do them. It’s hard for me to make him do them sometimes but I have to keep trying new ways and I see the progress with him. He hasn’t shown me the videos since then but he has plugged in his tablet several times with only a little help from me one of the times.

I have to remind myself that I am raising an adult. He is only thirteen but there are so many things he struggles with. The more I do for him the more he becomes dependent on what I do for him. When he is screaming or upset it isn’t the time to teach him but I also remind myself in those moments he does need to learn to calm down so that those can also be teachable moments. My stress has stress but learning to breathe and keep moving forward is what I have to do. When he says to me “breathe” and makes his little breathing sounds I know that we are on the right path. I tell him that I don’t always have the right answers but we are a team and we will get through anything together.

“Church church church Bible Center Church,” was a subject that came up repeatedly throughout the day. And then it was “school school school.” The weather is going to be extremely cold so the roads will still be bad. He told me the leprechauns needed to get busy so he could go to school on Tuesday. He is making sure everyone and everything is staying home. He asked me if the bus would stay home tomorrow. I told him yes it would. He once again brought his supplements to me very early. He wanted to go to bed and get this winter behind him. For all that was thrown at him with his schedule change and the weather he had a pretty good day and is truly growing. Believe in the hope for tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The weather outside looked delightful for a trip to Grandma’s house today. Owen slept until “five oh oh,” asked about all the things, asked about all the things again, and then told me all the things he wanted to do, and then told me again. I went through all the steps of what was going to happen several times with him and then I told him that we could not discuss it again until 7:15 after I talked to his grandma and knew what was happening. We looked at the clock and talked about it. He’s asked a few times and we got back on track. Keeping him on the right path is easier when I can concentrate and today was much better for that.

He gets in these loops and even if I redirect him it will start right back where it started from as soon as we are done. The key is redirecting him but letting him ask his questions, answering all of them in detail, and then getting him to move forward. He has to process it all before he can let go of it and if it is not today it could literally be years from now and he will go back through it all. You know he has a big brain that remembers everything when he can tell me where his crib was as a baby and the toys he had in it. He was in a completely different room. I gave him my room and bed because he was always in it and moved to a different room.

The snow that I thought was going to be earlier seemed to be pushed back until later and later as the day went on. Owen couldn’t wait to get ready to leave. The “little blue jeans” were on and they were not going anywhere. And so it begins. He wants to wear them every day. He cannot wear them every day. Sure he can wear them but that opens up a whole set of spiraling holes in how to dress for the ages. He still is not over the black shoes I had to throw away years ago or my mom’s pants that went out with the trash truck. So that blows my theory right out of the ground because truly wearing or not wearing the “little blue jeans” will produce the same results but I can’t wash them every day or even every couple of days.

Off to Grandma’s house we went. He was very focused on that goal. His routine has not been as routine as he wants it to be lately but thankfully I could take him to see his grandma. He wanted to make sure I was dropping him off and then leaving. He didn’t want me staying and interrupting his time. I promised him. He also wanted to make sure she would be bringing him back so they could go see the “blue church” numerous times. I am thankful the weather held out for all of this.

When he got home he started asking about church. I told him that if we got snow we would not be going to church tomorrow. I tried to prepare him the best I could. He told me he would make snowballs. Snowman building was not in our future or I would be very surprised if I convinced him to build one. He did explain all about snowballs today though. He is getting good at giving all the details and I’m here for it. He described them as round, white, and cold. I am thankful for his words.

He is starting to understand that he can easily push my buttons and he is proud of it. It makes it a little easier to deal with now that he is aware he is doing it and telling on himself. He thinks it is funny to show me videos of things he is not supposed to do like putting objects down the toilet. Once he shows it to me he will say things like “take my tablet” and “no sir we do not put things down the toilet.” This is when I know he has made a lot of connections. I am thankful he is making those connections though.

The night went quickly. He repeatedly asked about church tomorrow and I told him again that most likely we would be staying home. He is very over the snow and started asking about June and when our relatives are coming back. His prayer tonight was “Dear God, thank you for church, Amen.” After he said amen he said, “Go to Bible Center Church.” I pray the snow isn’t as much as they are predicting but most likely we will be home. I’m thankful for his amazing progress. He has taught me to never give up and God has a plan. Let today be your stepping stone for an amazing future. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Here we are wintering again. Winter has rung its bell and Owen is ready for June so he can go to the outdoor pool. He dispatched the leprechauns before he went to bed, proudly proclaiming the area had been leprechauned, but here we were with no school and homebound for the foreseeable future, or tomorrow whichever is snow and ice-free.

He took not having school about as good as one might think especially since the leprechauns had been dispatched. Except for asking and repeating said future he was in a good mood with an anxious side helping of missing all his people, places, and things he wants to see. The blue church sits lonely without us driving by it numerous times but that will be saved for a snowless day in our bright future. He wanted to know what everyone was doing and how they were doing. And this was just the first hour of our day.

The memory on my son is like no other. He didn’t talk for years and then when he did start talking it still took a long time for him to make connections to words and express himself or answer questions. If you said, “Owen what’s your name” he still would not answer “Owen” or even acknowledge that he had to answer a question. He was still learning how to do all the steps and didn’t know what a question even was.

Years later he will reference something that was said to him when he was very young and answer it. And from the toddler vault came “uhh uhh uhh no sir don’t stand on that.” As soon as it came out of his mouth I could hear myself saying it repeatedly when he would stand up on the couch arm or on the windowsill. I have nerves of spaghetti from all the adventures he would get into. So now as the years have passed and he is making more and more connections each and every word he speaks is a gift and I’m thankful for his milestones.

One of the most confusing things is a “no” from Owen. It doesn’t always mean no because it means yes unless it means no when he means no and then it could be no because it wasn’t yes at the time it was no but then it could be no, maybe. He likes to answer incorrectly because he wants to see the reactions he gets. He does this with lots of things. He will say someone has blue eyes when they have brown eyes or say the wrong color of what they are wearing. He is getting better about it but it is still a process. His teacher and support team are helping him with this in many ways. I can see his growth with it.

Throughout the day I told him that his weekend was probably not going to go according to plan. He was not thrilled about winter but he was at least telling me he would do all his plans when it is “shorts degrees weather outside.” He listed off the months and got to June. He said, “Then we can go to the outdoor pool.” Our friend let me know the “movie trip” was canceled for tomorrow. He was very disappointed but said he would go in June. I told him I’m not sure if they would have one in June but we could do something else.

I got a phone call from my doctor’s office to make an appointment for me. After Owen heard me make the appointment he was very concerned. He got worried that he wasn’t going to school on the 19th when my appointment was made. I kept telling him it was my appointment not his. That was his last day of school before Christmas break and he was worried he wasn’t going to see his people again. After several hours of him getting upset I believe we finally moved on. I am not convinced it won’t be a subject that comes back up.

The day was filled with many rocky moments but there were many laughs in between. We are going to try to go to Grandma’s house very early so he can at least spend some time with her before the storm hits. Changes in routine are very stressful for him and we did a lot of our breathing exercises throughout the day.

Life didn’t teach me all the rules but love, compassion, and understanding go a long way to making it through our days. Each day I pray for guidance and strength to help Owen grow. I tell him all the time he is “my amazing” and I am thankful. I pray for good weather in the morning and for the snow to pass us by. Let love be stronger, joy be present, and compassion be never-ending. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Anxiousness is where we were at this morning. Too much information, not enough information, and all the information in between make for a very interesting morning. I told Owen that he may not get to go to all the things he wanted to go to over the next few days because of the weather. Telling him and not telling him provide two different but very same outcomes. But both of them lead to anxiousness. Keeping him calm is my top priority because his calmness helps me remain calm. When I say he asks me ten times about the same thing it is more like a hundred.

Calm and anxious all at the same time was how he woke up. He was concerned for all the days forward but was handling it in those waking moments. I told him there was a two-hour delay and that is when all the questions started. It is so hard for him to have his routine disrupted. He even wanted to go to bed early last night so he could go see his teacher. As the questions rolled in I tried to figure out our morning without letting him know that more things were changing.

Distracting him with learning more states was not the way to go at this point but I tried anyway. I added two more states and capitals to his list. His adorable way of saying them is pure magic but I say it over and over with him emphasizing the differences with the letters. We will go over these for a few days and keep building on them until we have all the states.

This is where the morning got going. Grandma was coming to pick us up. I had to go to an appointment and Owen was on a two-hour delay. The roads weren’t bad near us but it was all the different moments we had to work through. Winter and routine are not two words that are ever in the same sentence unless you are writing about moments like these.

The decision to wait to tell him that Grandma was picking us up was one of those overthinking moments. By the time I was ready to talk about it, she was almost there. He was happy but once we got in the car he had to go through each step again. It is so much for him to process. And it is so much for me to process too. He was excited she picked us up but he was also missing his ride to school on the bus.

“Shorts in the waiting room” I kept thinking about this over and over. I sat waiting for my appointment and a guy was sitting there in shorts, in winter, on a very cold day. It didn’t bother me but I kept thinking if Owen was with me how do I explain this? He asks to wear shorts all the time and technically he could but he has a hard time expressing when he is cold or hot so I don’t want him to get too cold wearing them. As he gets older I know he will be able to explain more and he will be able to decide what he wants to wear.

Afternoon my appointment my mom came back to pick me up and I went home for a few hours before I had to pick Owen up for his therapy. His teacher let me know he was having a rough afternoon and couldn’t completely explain why he was upset. It’s hard when I know he is having a rough day and can’t tell me. I gave him the choice of whether he wanted to go home but he was happy to go to therapy though and off we went.

He wanted to get out of the car and sit on the steps but I told him he had to wait because it was so cold. He was doing clock math well. I told him we would get out of the car at 1:55 so he could sit on the steps and he kept telling me how many minutes he had left. He has come so far with the clock and how to tell time even though I think his body could tell it just fine before.

He did well with his therapist. She said she could tell he was a little sad but she could see a lot of progress for him. When he went to her room he took off his jacket and tried to put it on the back of the chair. She said that she usually does that and he tried to do it all by himself. He also peeled the back of the stickers off that they were using. He has come a long way with stickers because he never used to want them at all. He would scream and throw them on the ground. If you handed him one with the sticky part he would start crying.

He was not happy that he might miss celebrating his grandma’s birthday on the right day because of the snow. He told me that if he can’t go on Sunday to be with her then he will go on Monday and listed all the way until Saturday. I told him we would try to celebrate on Sunday if the weather is fine. This was another huge step for him to even want to celebrate birthdays. I’m so proud of his progress.

Nighttime came and he was hoping the snow wouldn’t come so once again he dispersed the leprechauns to help but unfortunately, they did not get out quickly enough and school was canceled for tomorrow. He will be so disappointed. We will try to do lots of activities and see if he wants to play in the snow if we get it. Each day is a gift being his mommy and I’m so thankful. Be inspired to do good works. The street goes both ways and you will see the rewards. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The wonderful news is that the sleeping train is on the right track and hasn’t been derailed in quite some time. There will be no stepping outside for this dynamic duo because “Owen not going stay home.” I’m fine with that. He was in a good mood though. Concern for his best friend and how his teacher would be at school without him were the biggest topics followed by the “movie trip” on Saturday and any snow that might foil our plans over the next few days. It was a busy morning that led to a very busy day of rinse, repeat, and concern.

The tent talk has actually stopped for the most part. He is sleeping fine without it being on his bed and he was very happy about it. He was mentioning it constantly even though he was the one who told me to take it off so I told him that we would discuss it again when we moved to the “home of the purple cows” and he could then let me know if he wanted a new tent. That seemed to have worked so I might try this for other things.

If I heard it one time I heard it from five in the morning and all day long that his best friend “was sad at lunch.” He hasn’t seen his best friend since October and I know it has been close to two years since he ate lunch with him. This is how the days go. His memories come up from years ago, reliving them, and sharing details he probably couldn’t even explain at the time. I still hear about the lady and the dog on the corner that happened maybe when he was four. He cries out our window waiting for the lady and dog to return. It used to cause huge meltdowns for him because he couldn’t see her there.

Having meltdowns over things that we have absolutely no control over or can’t change instantly is hard. For years he had meltdowns over bananas. We worked with him for years to get him through this because bananas are everywhere. I would buy bananas so I could keep them on my counter because that way he could see them and we could talk about them. I thought it had faded away so I didn’t have bananas on my counter. This caused a huge meltdown. He cried for hours because they were not there and he couldn’t watch me eat one so he could throw it in the trash.

“Bump loud,” his best friend, and the Saturday “movie trip” were on the list of what we talked about while being connected at the hip all day. No school meant lots more questions. He also wanted to talk about the list of things he shouldn’t do like licking and spitting. I’m not quite sure why this has become a thing but he likes to see my raised eyebrows that I have no control over when he mentions these things. I tried to explain that winter is upon us and I wouldn’t know about the lists of things he wanted to do until we knew what the weather was like. More snow is expected over the next few days but I’m truly praying it is not going to keep him from the things he wants to do.

We played games, worked on his states, and ate a lot it seemed. He wanted lots of hugs and confirmations about what he would be doing over the next few days but in general, he was staying pretty calm for all the uncertainties of what was ahead. He knows he is only seeing his one therapist tomorrow. It’s the when to tell and not to tell that gets me sometimes because it truly depends on what it is, when I am saying it, and who is involved unless the rules change.

Bedtime did not take long especially when he was asking to take his supplements early and brought me the bottle. We had a full day of being at home and he was ready to go to bed so he could get his Thursday started. He told me he was going to “sleep upper night” and I told him I pray we both do. After we said our prayers he went through the days of Christmas break and said, “Grandma’s house January 3rd church January 4th back to school on January 5th.” His mind never ceases to amaze me. It wasn’t long and he was asleep. His laughter is music to my heart. Be the joy that the world needs today. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The leprechauns were dispersed for snow removal. Owen was handling the closure of school fine after the initial shock to his system. He was happy that no one was going to be at school. That is easier for him to handle than days like tomorrow when his teacher will be there but he won’t. It is interesting how his brain processes it. When he goes to therapy it doesn’t bother him as much because he was at least there for part of the day.

It was right at “five oh oh” when he waltzed into my room. I had already been awake for at least an hour at this point. Sleep is hard to come by for me right now. He moved on to the appointment he knew he had today and I told him we would still be able to go because it was supposed to warm up. I hoped the temperature would get up into the 40s so it would melt a lot of the ice and snow.

I am working with him on the states and capitals. We are at “Alabanya, Montogumree, Alexka, and Junoses.” I am not sure that he is as excited about this as I am but I can’t wait to see how it goes. I am trying to keep my brain as active as his and move through the repetitive stuff. He was very focused on his friend and what he will be doing in June plus the weather stuff and who was mad so states were my go-to distracter. After a few minutes, he moved on to talking about all the things he knows that get my eyebrows to raise.

He was hyper-focused on his day and behaviors like standing on things he knows he shouldn’t. We played lots of games waiting for his time to go to his appointment. He was biting and licking everything he could and then telling me “It’s funny.” When he asked me if I was mad I told him no I just wanted him to be safe. He has no concept of what can happen or fear so I try my best to explain it to him and pray a lot.

After a very long day, it was finally time to get ready for his appointment. He wanted to wear the pants that weren’t clean but decided to wear another string pair in his bins. He asked me to have his “little blue jeans” ready for Saturday. The up and down battle of which is right and what is wrong sits in my mind about trying to get him to not be stuck on one pair of jeans. I try not to overthink the process but it is exhausting keeping ahead of the clothes he wants to wear and what he wants so many others to wear. All the clean clothes come out of the laundry basket looking for what he wants even though he knows they are still in the dirty pile.

We got in the car and off we went. He was the calmest he had been all day in the car. He wasn’t having a bad day he just wanted to make sure everything else that was happening this week would still happen. I told him that the weather was showing it might snow again in the next few days and that made him question more. Is it better to wait or tell him right away is what I always struggle with.

“Jacket getting caught” as he was trying to put it in the door handle of the car. “It’s bleeding,” he continued. He couldn’t even make the jacket get stuck in the handle but he was going through the motions of having the jacket get caught. I’m not sure how this started but he tries to get “caught” in everything. The car ride was interesting to his appointment.

He did great at his appointment and was very happy to be there. When we were done he wanted me to order his pizza and we picked it up on the way home. He was very happy to have his pepperoni, sausage, black olive, and mushroom pizza. It is amazing how many things he requests on his pizza now.

He was back to talking about his days ahead and getting upset because I would not say for the tenth time in only a few minutes that I didn’t know when more snow was coming and several other things. You know you are doing your job of teaching your son how to do “little deep breaths” to calm down when he says to me “breathe” and he shows me how. He was yelling at me about staying home tomorrow and I was starting to cry. He saw my emotions and hopefully, it helps him to work through the process of these behaviors of yelling at me. I was proud of him for stopping to help me breathe which also helped him.

The rest of the night was quieter but he was still concerned that we were going to go somewhere tomorrow. I told him we could stay home. He basically put himself to bed. He kept telling me to tell his “tablet night night” when he still had thirty minutes until bedtime. Hopefully, we both sleep all night. Through challenges, I see growth in both of us. I tell him that we are a team and we both are learning. His “I love you” as I walked out of his room is what my world is all about. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The good news for us was that the school did not call so there was no delay. The snow was coming but it wasn’t bad when school was supposed to start. I hoped all our appointments would go according to plan but I was doubtful with all the predictions. Owen at least got to go to school and I was headed off to my appointment.

Christmas break and when our family was coming back were the big questions of the morning. The little blue jeans were another big topic so we will see how that goes. They were not on the agenda for today but maybe sooner than later. Who needs bins for clothes anyway? These rules were made to be broken.

When Owen woke up the first immediate topic of the day was whether our relatives would be here this weekend, next weekend, during Christmas break, and then staying for all of June and July. He then wanted to know when they were “moving back to St Albans” and when I said they were not “moving” back there he asked if they would be moving to South Charleston. This topic continued throughout the day with also wanting to know where they would sit when they came back. There truly is never a dull moment in our house.

He was very anxious to get to school today. He wanted to get to school so he could be picked up for music therapy, and then come home to get a snack before going to his vision therapy appointment. He went through all the options of what he could have for dinner and then settled on “pizza from Gino’s sausage pepperoni black olives and mushrooms and then stay home.” He always has to add “and then stay home.” He likes his routine and he likes it to be exactly how he wants it to be. But the weather had other plans.

I was thankful to be able to go to my appointment before the snow got going too much. It went fine and it wasn’t long before I was heading home. I had gotten the message that school would be letting out two hours early and then this led to a text I received letting me know Owen’s music therapy was canceled. My drive home led me to cancel his vision therapy. It wasn’t a bad drive home but the roads were getting worse and I did not want to try walking on the slick sidewalks. As much as I hated to cancel it I was glad that we did not try to go back out.

His teacher checked with me to make sure he was coming on the bus home. I told her that his therapy was canceled and she was wonderful to let him know. There are some things we tell him right away and some things like them closing school tomorrow we wait on. When Owen came home he kept talking about putting his Children’s Therapy Clinic shirt on. He explained he was sad he was missing music today so he went to his drawer and got his shirt to put on. He told me he wanted to be just like his music therapist. I thought it was so sweet. I loved how excited he was to wear it even though he was sad to be missing his therapies.

“Bleeding getting caught” is always a big concern for him. Sometimes he will say one without the other. His backpack got caught on the door when he came home and he yelled “It’s bleeding.” I’m not quite sure how “bleeding” became a thing but it is a big thing now. Very few times has he ever referenced bleeding and it meant blood. Although when I ask him if he knows what it means he will say things about biting his finger and seeing blood. His brain is an amazing little processing plant. It is like its own little ecosystem mixed with a hard drive.

I did not tell him school was closed tomorrow but he had enough other weather-related things on his mind so I thought it would be fine to tell him this tomorrow. In the grand scheme of things he was quite calm for having his world turned upside down by snow. He has an appointment tomorrow afternoon but the weather is supposed to be much warmer by then so hopefully it will be fine by then.

Today proves he is growing by leaps and bounds. The processing he went through today was great. He is working through a lot of extra emotions for many different reasons and I am glad he handled everything the best he could. We are working on new strategies for his repetitive questions so I’m hoping that will help him as time moves forward. He did his “laughing like a boy laugh” for me tonight “to make mommy happy because mommy loves my laugh.” I told him that his laugh was the best thing ever and it made mommy very happy. Give your all and all will be given back to you. Laugh like Owen to make someone‘s day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The dude is getting it. All of it. And he is amazing. Owen slept until almost six. If I could be quiet it might be even later some days but quiet I am not. He wasn’t saying too much when he first woke up but then the thoughts started rolling in. We went through his grandma’s birthday and celebrating Christmas.

He woke though with church on his mind. He said, “Bible Center Church” actually saying “center” with the R sound. He listed all his friends and wanted to know about the adventures he would be having with them. He went through people he wanted to invite to church and it makes me so happy that he wants his people to come to a place he loves and wants to share about God with others.

The morning was going to be busier than I could imagine. We went through more things than I could process. He fast-forwarded to his birthday in March and told me that then he would be a bigger boy and a “growing man.” I explained to him that he will keep growing and when he becomes 18 he will be considered a man. Boy, teenager, man are all traveling through that big brain of his.

He then moved on to the “movie trip” and the movies he would watch with her. He was “very disappointed” that he wouldn’t get to see them all. It truly amazes me all the things he comes up with. He went through all the movies again and that they come on at noon. He is watching the previews for them now. It amazes me still how he finds all the things he wants to watch.

His grandma gave him an Advent calendar. He is enjoying the daily Christmas presents but he doesn’t understand that we are doing a countdown to Christmas. The part that is amazing to me is that he wants to open the gifts. He is happy about the gifts he is getting and he is opening them. He is opening them. I could say it a million times and it is still a wild and wonderful experience. He is opening a present that was hidden by paper. This was something he couldn’t handle for years and no part of it made him happy. The present needed to remain exactly as it was, wrapped, and in fact, no gifts at all were more his choice. No decorations, no trees, no lights, no breaks, no changes in when he got to go to grandma’s house, and no mommy at grandma’s house to celebrate any holiday anytime with any gifts especially ones that needed to be opened. Now he opens presents, he opens them. The gift of a candy cane means the same to him as a toy, clothes, or a gold bar. The gift is the new excitement.

While he took his bath he was asking about Christmas break and he wanted to know if he would go to music on the “twenty-tooth.”It truly amazes me all the things he comes up with. He wanted to wear what he wore yesterday again but I told him it wasn’t cleaned yet. He chose other clothes and we were out the door for church. He was very excited to get there and couldn’t wait to get to his classroom. It was a wonderful service and I truly needed to hear it.

Per his request, I took his tent off his bed. That was easier said than done and even though it was per his request it will be a question of what happened to it for a very long time. We were going to possibly go to Wendy’s with our friends but he said, “No no no” so we headed home. When asked if he was happy the tent was gone the answer was yes every time but it is still a process. He didn’t eat much for breakfast but lunch and snacks made up for it.

He was focused on movies, Christmas break, being a “growing boy,” high school and how the bus will get him there, celebrating his grandma’s birthday on the correct day, and making sure I know his tent is gone and he doesn’t want one when we move to the “home with the purple cows” but he does want a bigger bed. I do not know how he stores all the information in his brain but I do know it is the most amazing brain I know. This momma’s brain is tired just trying to keep up.

The afternoon tumbled quickly into night. I’m not quite sure why he has decided he needs to lick everything but here we are and the teenage years are becoming interesting. I’m praying the snow stays away so that he can go to school and his therapies tomorrow. And I can go to my appointment. He told me that he laughed for me today and I told him that his laugh is one of the best parts of my day. The rain may pour down on you but always remember the rain helps the flowers grow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

When you pray for “little blue jeans” to be clean you are ready for them to be clean. What Christmas movie was going to be on was the next thing on Owen’s list. “Grandma will know,” he told me. He proudly claimed he “slept all night,” leaving out the “upper,” and told me that the clock said it was “five oh oh.” It felt like he stayed in his room until then and must have waited for the clock to change because I heard him get out of bed before then but did not start making his way to me until my clock changed to exactly five. He was ready for his day. Did I mention he was very ready for his day of “little blue jeans” and Christmas movies with his grandma?

Some days it is nonstop talking from my sweet baby O. OK, so really most days are like that but today was one of those days. He had a lot to say and I couldn’t keep up. The details he stores are incredible. He asked me more times about the Christmas movies that were supposed to come on when he was at his grandma’s house than I can even remember. The plot twist came later in the day when I was talking to my mom about it.

I was taking him to my mom a little bit earlier because several parades were happening in our area and that generally means the traffic is worse. It wasn’t something I talked to him about because it would have caused him to be more worried about whether he was going to still go to grandma’s house. He took his bath and we got ready.

He had been asking me all morning if he could wear his “little blue jeans.” They were clean but his bins were not empty. He had one more day but what did it matter? The bins were keeping us on track in the sense of him having clean clothes in sets ready to go but it by no means was deterring the need, want, talking about “little blue jeans.” And if anything it may have increased it if that is possible. So “little blue jeans” it was. He was very happy.

Off to Grandma’s we went. In the car I was trying to distract him so I asked him to sing for me. I love hearing him sing. I then asked him if he could make sounds instead of the words. He immediately started doing it for me. I am so impressed with how far he has come with his music.

He stayed there for many hours and he had a pretty good day. The movies he wanted to come on they didn’t come on but what I found out was these were movies from when he was younger. He remembers all the movies he would watch at Christmas time with his grandma. He also remembers the commercials for them and what his grandma would tell him when they were watching them. He never forgets a thing he doesn’t want to forget.

She brought him home after they drove past the “blue church” three times. He was so excited when she dropped him off so he could see her car drive away. He wanted the video of it immediately and couldn’t wait to get inside to see it. The movie talk started almost instantly. He wanted to know what movie they would watch next week and he always wants it to be the same one.

The night was filled with a lot of emotions, more from me than him. He asked me tons of questions all night long. So much of the time I don’t have answers. My heart hurts when he talks about missing his best friend and not being sure when he will ever see him again but he was excited because he can’t wait to get to church tomorrow to see all our friends. It wasn’t long and it was bedtime. He was asleep quickly and I pray he sleeps all night. I love hearing him sing and it is a beautiful melody in my heart. Keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!

School it is. I didn’t tell Owen anything about the 50/50 chance that school might be cancelled because of the snow. I woke up early and kept waiting for the 5:00 am message saying they wouldn’t be going but thankfully his Friday stayed intact and he got to go to school. The snow had come but where we lived it wasn’t sticking on the roads at all.

He woke a little after five. It took him a few minutes to get going. All smiles after that but I could tell he was processing everything and asking about all his people. He told me how he got upset yesterday. I told him that I knew it was hard but everything was fine now. I reminded him that he is amazing and that we could talk about anything anytime he needed to. It is so hard when he has so much going on and he can’t make it all make sense.

While he was in his bath I started clapping on my belly to the tune of Jingle Bells but not singing it. He said, “Mommy sing” and I said what is the song not truly knowing how to even explain what I was doing. He said, “Jingle Bells mommy sing it.” He got very excited. I told him to sing it with me. I then tried Old MacDonald Had A Farm and he knew what the tune was as well. I thought it was cool that not only could I at least make it sound like songs but that he could tell.

He was off to school. I was watching the bus on the app and it looked like it stopped I guess to wait since they were very early at that point but I thought maybe the app stopped working so I got us ready to go outside and then I saw the bus move. He was anxious to get out there and nothing I was doing was working to distract him so we went outside. I didn’t want him to have a meltdown right before he left. It was cold but not bitter. He was loving being outside though so he could watch all the happenings around him. When the bus turned the corner it was pure joy for him.

His teacher let me know he was very anxious today. He has been questioning everything and the last few weeks he has had a lot to process. The wrong way down the right road is not the way to end his Friday. He was not happy that the bus dropped him off in what he considered the wrong direction but he worked through it. It was a different driver so he didn’t know that the other driver generally came from the other direction.

They can’t even imagine how this affects him but Owen has to also understand that we can’t always go the same way. Between traffic, road closures, and anything else that life throws at us it completely changes everything about our day so learning to accept and expect changes is something I try to work with him every day on. It is helpful and exhausting all at the same time.

I think he went through every Christmas special he has ever watched and not watched with his grandma. He also went through the commercials associated with certain ones. The knowledge he stores in his brain is amazing. He then told me that his grandma would be very disappointed if she didn’t get to watch the right Christmas show tomorrow on her new TV. I told him I didn’t know that she was getting a new TV to watch Christmas movies on and he said, “She will be getting a new one.” Then he said tell her that he doesn’t know which show will be on and then went through all the movies again.

I could tell he was considering every single detail all night long. It was a processing kind of day. He can’t wait until tomorrow so he can go see his grandma. He kept asking if our relatives would be back and I kept reminding him not until the summer. Bedtime was quick and I knew that I would be asleep fast too. I pray we both sleep all night. His smile is my heart. Through the rain we see the flowers grow. Remember you are still growing through the storms. Smiles to all and donut daze!