They say it gets worse before it gets better and whoever they are is not wrong. Hip joining is where we are at and mentioning all the things we shouldn’t do and can’t do has become the thing we want to do. Limiting Play-Doh and glue stick access is the quickest way to success today and lots of coffee. He wanted to tell me everything he knew that should not go in the toilet and it wasn’t even six in the morning. Clearly, half a pot of coffee was not cutting it at that point. More coffee was brewing.

Thankfully he at least slept until “five oh oh.” I was hoping we both could sleep later but that was not in the cards. I think partly because he was coughing so much. His doctor had told him to drink more water and try to have a productive cough. One of those was easier than the other. Three things I can say for sure with Owen he never forgets something he doesn’t want to forget, he won’t drink what he doesn’t want to drink, and he won’t eat what you think he is going to eat when you ask him what he wants to eat.

I’m not sure why my eating anything is up for debate but here we are once again. As soon as I started to fix us a snack he started yelling “amazing” over and over again from the couch. He was afraid I was going to eat something and not know what it was I suppose. He sees me eat all the time but when he can’t see me it makes him very anxious. Trying to convince him not to yell at me has been unsuccessful to this point.

He for the most part was handling staying home today but he asked a lot about his days ahead. I am so glad he isn’t missing more school at this point and hopefully by Tuesday he will be much better and can go back to school. As much as I hate he is missing all the fun things he wanted to do this weekend I think it is harder on him when he misses a lot of school. The fever is the catch. It was staying right around 100 all day. Praying for a break tonight.

I’m not quite sure why being a boy is our big topic of every moment but here we are. He was getting upset because I wouldn’t answer it every second so screaming at me was the go-to answer along with pinching me. I also can’t confirm what will be happening on Monday with the people he will or won’t see so we were kind of floating in the same boy boat. I finally started saying we were not doing anything on Monday either but hoping we would be able to.

His doctor said it would get worse before it got better. I think this is the worst one he has had in quite some time or maybe it’s because he is coughing more. She told him to cough it out so maybe he is trying to cough more. He was lying in his bed a lot. I’m praying tomorrow is the upturn.

He went through everything he was possibly missing today with his grandma. He asked me if I would tell him when she was taking him to Arby’s and then two times around the “blue church.” I told him I would. Then he asked when she would take him to Burger King and three times around the “blue church.” I told him as soon as I knew I would tell him. Then he said he wanted to know when she would take him to Burger King, Hardee’s, and Tudor's for chicken strips, honey mustard, French fries, and bread. He didn’t list the food at all the places but did want to know which ones would have chocolate milk. It is so interesting what he comes up with and wants to talk about.

He talks about food so much now. I give him a “carton of milk” in the mornings. It is vitamin milk and he loves it. I am showing him how to shake them since he likes to shake everything but they are hard to open so we are working on how to do that. Every day a couple of times he asks if I am going to give him his “carton of milk” tomorrow.

He told me I can no longer have “donut sugar” but “mommy get some coffee at the donut sugar shop.” He cracks me up with how descriptive he is about all of it. I love it. I still have such an emotional time thinking about all his words and how the specialists we went to told me he probably wouldn’t talk. I remember telling Owen every single day that he could talk he just had to move his words around in his brain. He talks. And talks a lot. Our brains are miracle machines they just need different instructions sometimes. He is rewriting his brain every day to do the amazing things he does.

We struggle, we have challenges, we have moments of fear, tears, and sadness. And we have growth, we have victories, we have moments of joy, progress, and miracles. The days can be hard, the emotions can be sad, but seeing a miracle right in front of you makes those challenges become stepping stones for tomorrow. Facing those moments is not always easy but when I hear Owen pray I remember God’s got us and the glory is in the steps we take forward. Today’s tired will be tomorrow’s victory. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Well, not the Friday I was hoping for. Owen woke up late and informed me before he even got out of bed that he had to go see his doctor, saying her full name, because he had a snotty nose, cough, and fever. As much as I hate that he was sick I was beyond thankful for his words and for him to be able to tell me exactly what was wrong with him. To know that he could express this brings tears to my eyes. He used to sing “mommy called the doctor and the doctor said no more monkeys jumping on the bed” when he was sick and that was music to my ears for the same reason but now he told me details.

Last night he made a little cough sound but I thought it was because of the milk he swallowed because there were no other signs. He told me that he needed to see burger boy, the statue he loves, on the way there and Burger King on the way home. He listed everything that was going to happen when he got to the appointment including his beloved elevator ride to the office. I knew he had diagnosed himself correctly as soon as he got out of bed so I knew we were going to see the doctor today. I prayed it wasn’t any of the stuff going around and that it was his usual sinus infection that he generally gets a couple of times a year.

I called when his doctor’s office opened and thankfully they were able to get us in this afternoon. At that point, he realized his big weekend plans were dashed and this was not a happy moment for him nor would it be over the next few days. He was extremely excited that he was going to see his doctor though and the “how much time on my timer” questions began.

He was dressed and ready to see his doctor very early. He was eating and drinking. Plus occasionally running through the house stating he gets to see her and then going to Burger King so he at that point was full of energy at that point. This gave me hope that it was his sinuses. I’m not quite sure why he decided that Burger King was what he wanted to do after his appointment but he was so happy about his decision.

The questions of what she would be wearing started almost immediately when he woke up. Last time she had black jeans on that we called “very dark blue.” He has told so many people that she had “dark blue that were black.” We talked about it and he was saying all the right things so I prayed he would handle it when we got there.

We headed to his appointment passing the burger boy statue and off we went to his favorite elevator ride. He handled it like a champ. He was so excited to see the nurse. It had been quite some time since this nurse had seen us and she was quite impressed with his progress and how he handled everything. The doctor came in and he did great. Thankful it was just his sinus stuff. We headed to his chosen Burger King and he talked the whole way there about seeing his doctor. I am so relieved. He knows we aren’t going anywhere for the next few days. This was very sad for him. He told me when “Owen gets better we can go out to dinner with grandma to ‘cracker burial,’ Bob Evans, Diehl’s, and DQ.”

He was pretty tired but still eating and drinking as the night went on. By seven however, he wanted his supplements and to sit with me in the “white bed.” He was asleep instantly. I let him sleep for a bit and then got him to go to his bed. I pray he sleeps late again and is feeling better in the morning. It usually takes about a week for him to get through it but hopefully, in the next couple of days most of it will work through his system. He was such a trooper through the entire day. As hard as it was for him to miss school at least he got to see one of his favorite people. He told me he got to see “my Penny” what he calls his doctor before he went to bed. My son truly has a heart of gold for his people and the world around him. Let your love shine through and watch how you change the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Maybe I should start it off with “Dear Weather,” but I guess I’ll stick with the facts. The weather has been interesting. And two-hour delays are for the snowbirds. Or so we think. I would have to say it is probably harder on me with my nerves of spaghetti happening after the hundredth time Owen has asked me “how much time on my timer” but here we are in winter and if there is one thing I know winter is good at wintering when you have other plans.

I did not tell him right away that there was a two-hour delay but I knew the questions would be coming in quickly as soon as he could tell we weren’t getting ready. He was pretty calm at first but as the realization that we weren’t getting dressed began to form it set him in panic mode about what was going to happen today and all his days ahead. He wanted no delays so that he could go to his therapy. He had waited several months for it all to return back to his full routine and he wanted his full day to happen.

He was finally off and boy was he thrilled. The bus app was working even though I questioned it several times I think because I was asked a million times about whether it was working. Honestly, I think a two-hour delay is so much harder on him than saying it is a snow day and we have to stay home. Or maybe it is harder on me. He can’t handle the delay of the bus not coming when it is supposed to. And distracting him on days like this takes every ounce of what I’ve got to keep him from having a meltdown. “How much time on my timer” with his invisible watch directly in front of my face is how he gets through these moments. Redirecting him with music, books, food, or anything else is almost impossible. There is no comfort for him when he can’t do what he wants when he wants to do it.

I picked him up from school and his teacher said he had a good day. I know it is a very quick day for them by the time the kids get there and they go through all the steps. He was happy to get to therapy and talked to me the whole time we were heading there. He was informing me of all the things that have happened over the years, what he wants to happen, and who he wants to see. He started listing everyone he knows instead of just asking about one person. It’s kind of like his prayers. If he knows the person he has prayed for them.

He wanted to sit on the steps at his therapy place but it was so cold and they were very icy. I didn’t let him out of the car until right when I knew his therapist would come get him. He doesn’t always tell me when he is cold or hot so I try to err on the cautious side. He is not always thrilled with this decision but I try to find the middle ground. Truly he is only out in the weather for a few minutes at a time when it is very cold but I want him to learn to think through the process of what he should be wearing in these situations. “Pants degrees” versus “shorts degrees” is how he describes cold and hot weather. It is a start and I know he will continue to make more connections.

Pizza was the talk of the town when he went to therapy so I was wondering if he would stick with it after it was done. “Mushrooms black olives sausage and pepperoni pizza,” he said after he came out with his therapist. She said he did fabulous. She said he still had his questions but he followed through with all the exercises. He still has difficulty walking on things like a balance beam and is not always aware of his body movements. He has a hard time looking at something you want him to focus on and instead looks everywhere else which makes it even harder for him to walk straight. He has come a long way but he still does things like twirling on stairs when you least expect it.

We got home with our pizza and he was back to talking about tomorrow. He wanted to make sure I knew he was going to school, coming home, and staying home until Saturday when he is going to grandma’s house. I told him it sounded good to me especially since winter is very much wintering at the moment and it is cold. Hopefully, no surprise snow will come tomorrow, and no delays. “I am gonnaing to wear my shark shirt and little blue jeans and black shoes at Grandma’s house next Saturday,” he said before he went to bed. I asked him about this Saturday.

He was very ready to go to bed so he could get to school. It’s amazing what he prays about. I always pray first and tonight he was interrupting every thing I was saying and adding something. I told him he would have his turn and I would hurry up my prayer. I just laughed. I said God our boy has a lot to say it’s his turn. Owen’s prayer tonight was “Dear God keep up the good work. Amen.” He also prayed for his teacher and his class. I’m thankful for a good day and a smiley, happy boy. His smile is the best and makes my day. Keep pouring your love into the world and the world will love you back. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen is on a sleeping trend and quite proud of it. He was calm with a side of anxiousness. He started with his inquisitive questions right away about who he was going to see and what else was happening. He informed me that we were staying home and he was not going anywhere when he got home from school. I need to try to change up his days a little more but that doesn’t always go according to plan either.

Clothes were a big topic. He wanted to make sure his “little blue jeans” would be clean for Saturday. I wonder sometimes if he might like to wear a uniform but when he goes out and everyone else isn’t in the uniform what would he then think? I can’t wait until one day he can put it all into words what he is thinking about and why jeans mean so much to him at this point. My guesses sometimes are correct for things that he can tell me years later but this one I’m not truly sure why.

He used to always tell me “Turn right at the kangaroo” on one particular street. I still don’t know what it meant but when there was road construction he changed it to “turn left at the kangaroo.” When the road was completely changed and the lights taken down he stopped talking about the kangaroo. All I can think of is a sign or maybe even a tree that looked like a kangaroo to him. Things like this are part of our daily lives. He talks in a beautiful language but I don’t always understand the translations. I sure do try though.

He was so happy to be going to school. He reminds me to brush his teeth and take his supplements even though he says every day that he is going to “put it on the ground.” The “bleeding jacket” came next. We got it on and thankfully it wasn’t “bleeding” as soon as we got outside but it got “caught” on everything. I’m not sure why this has become a thing as well. But it’s a thing.

I feel like he had a lot to unpack when he got off the bus. He wanted me to know he went to the bathroom at school. I told him that it was a good thing to do. He then told me his finger was bleeding and his jacket was too. I asked him if his finger was bleeding because I knew his jacket wasn’t. He showed me his finger and said, “It’s like a hangnail maybe a paper cut.” I asked him if he would like a Band-Aid and he said, “Yes.” I put a camo one on him and he still had it on when he went to bed. I think that is an all-time record. It wasn’t bleeding but it was a little red. He told me that he was a “big boy and doesn’t need to bite his finger he has to breathe.” So much incredible information.

The plot twist with the toilet talk took him immediately to talking about putting Play-Doh in the toilet. This led him to show me YouTube videos of people putting Play-Doh in the toilet. I asked him if he really wanted to show me the videos because he knew that he was not supposed to put Play-Doh in the toilet. He immediately deleted the videos from his history, which I didn’t even realize he could do, and started listing what could and could not go in the toilet.

He talked a lot all night long. He moved on to what grade he would be in tomorrow, over Easter break, when it got to summer, and when he started school in August. After we discussed that he would be in seventh and eighth grade he went through some of his other classmates. He told me he would be a teenage boy through all of this. His mind was just going and going.

He started talking about his clothes and I told him a new subject because he asked for his “little blue jeans” on Saturday so he moved onto his birthday. He first started talking about the pool for summer and then he told me that he wanted his birthday at the indoor pool! Let me say that again he said he wanted his birthday party at the indoor pool! He asked for a birthday party. We talked about him having it at the bowling alley or the pool but he actually asked for it. He then listed all his friends and wanted to have them at his party! He said “birthday pool.” This is absolutely the best feeling in the world to hear my most amazing son ask for a birthday party!!

The talking didn’t stop all night but mostly they changed to questions instead of talking to me about his stories. He wanted to know about his therapy tomorrow and he kept asking. He wanted me to confirm everything for years to come and I told him that we had to focus on today. He sang it back to me as I taught him to sing it and I reminded myself how far he has come. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. I talk to my miracle every day. The challenges you faced today will be your victories of tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The anxiousness was running rampant today. I’m not quite sure what Owen was anxious about but he was covering his day ahead and the Saturdays in his future. He wanted me to be sitting and not drinking my coffee. It’s an interesting dynamic. He was extremely ready to see who was going on the bus and what they would all be eating when they got to school.

I don’t know why he gets so upset when I get or drink something now. It has come full circle from when he was little. He also doesn’t like it when I take medicine. From any room, he will start yelling “you are amazing” over and over until I’m done. Even if he is standing next to me he gets upset. The medicine is harder for him to deal with than me drinking something in general but I can’t figure out what it is about the medicine. He takes numerous supplements so it isn’t like he doesn’t know what it is but he gets very anxious when I have to take it. When he was little we went through this and he would have huge meltdowns over it but back then he also had a hard time if I was eating.

The bus got here a little early. He was very anxious to get out there and he wanted to know if the bus couldn’t bring him home who would come get him. I told him that he didn’t need to worry if he couldn’t get home on the bus I would pick him up and then we listed about twenty of his people who could bring him home. I asked him if he wanted to stop riding the bus and he said, “No wanna be on bus.” I always want to make sure he still likes it. He always talks about it but I want him to be happy.

He came home with lots of questions and more talk about food. He told me that he would go to school tomorrow and then come home. He wanted his snack and he laughed at all the different things I suggested we try. He has a hard time explaining sometimes what he has done at school so I try to ask him questions about things I know he has done. It helps build his confidence with his language skills and it is easier for him to share what he can.

He wanted to know what he was doing next Saturday. I asked him about this Saturday wondering if he knew there was a possibility of snow sometime in the next few days. I’m trying to tell him enough information without telling him too much information. I’m constantly going back and forth on how much information to give him. He stresses over things when I tell him too early but it can be harder on him if I wait to tell him. The queen of overthinking has to overthink each situation so it is now a case-by-case scenario. Routine is great but every little thing can change routine and ducks definitely need to be in a box.

He cannot wait to get back to school tomorrow and see all his people. He had a pretty good night, but he was excited about going to bed and starting all over again tomorrow. Each day is a gift and I’m thankful for mine. Let today be a stepping stone for a brighter, happier tomorrow. Find what makes you happy and watch your world change. Smiles to all and donut daze!

We were in the relatively calm category for all the unknowns ahead when Owen first woke up. It quickly changed. His people have been listed and the excitement of talking to all of them was on the horizon. That was a cause for celebration. I was very thankful he was happy this morning even though he was anxious to see if everyone was going to be where they should be.

He kept saying “I can’t begin to tell you.” It was a phrase I have used a few times when the impossible has been asked of me as if he was going to see his best friend. I need to state the facts instead of leaving room for interpretation but when I don’t know, I don’t know, and I can’t tell him. He does better when he knows the details but he calls my bluff when I don’t know something and he can read me like a book. I need to try harder to remember how to answer very specifically when he is going down the rabbit hole but my brain responds in flowers and wagging puppy dog tails when he needs straight facts.

“It rains in April use the wipers go to grandma’s house,” he said, and quickly flowed into talking about going to school. I told him that we would soon be getting ready and I reminded him that it was trash day. He was very helpful without getting too upset. Directions can be very hard for him to understand and he doesn’t always follow through with the steps that I give him. I have to go back through each step multiple times to keep him from being overwhelmed. We got outside early again because the bus app stopped working, but it wasn’t long and he was off to school.

I went to pick him up for his music therapy and his teacher said he had a good day. On the way to therapy, he was telling me all about the kids in his class and then he started asking if his best friend would be in his class next year. I tried to tell him that he will not be going to his school, but it’s so hard for him because he really wants him there. He did well with his therapy. While we were there, I had his therapist confirm that his friend would not be at camp. This did not stop him from asking on the way home if he would be there I asked him if he would be there and he said no so he knows the answer but it’s not the answer he wants.

The top three things that we discussed after I picked him up are if his friend was sad at lunch, if he was going to camp, and what he will be wearing to trunk or treat. From there it was if he could wear “skinny jeans tomorrow,” his words, and “little blue jeans” on Saturday. He is planning a bowling trip in a couple of weeks and when I asked if he wanted his birthday party at the bowling alley he said at the indoor pool and the bowling alley which was a huge step forward in the whole birthday party extravaganza. To say I’m excited is an understatement for him to even be talking about it is a big deal.

He has declared today pizza day after several versions of what the day’s menu would be and then it changed. He was very excited about doing the exercises in therapy. He told me he had to work hard on the exercises and he did extremely well while he was there. He of course, answered everything in O fashion but he has come so far. We got Wendy’s when we left and he was very excited to get his chicken nuggets, honey, mustard, plain cheeseburger, french fries, and iced tea for me. He always tells me that they have chocolate milk, but I’m going to get iced tea.

He was relatively calm for the rest of the evening, but still requested information on summer camp, trunk or treat, and what he would be doing in April. He was very ready for bedtime so that he could go to school again tomorrow and see what everyone was going to be doing. I’m thankful he has been sleeping so well and I hope the days ahead do not get spoiled for him with snow. I’m thankful for the songs he sings that fill my heart. Let your heart be filled with gladness, and the song of your soul shine bright for the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen had told me he was going to sleep until “six oh oh” but he only slept until a little after five. I’ll take it. Stomach issues are a thing of the past, thankfully. It must have been something he ate. The mission was stated. Church, grandma’s house, and “mommy go bye bye.” I told him that we would have to wait and see. He told me to see. Besides wanting to get his day started he was very calm.

The morning was full of lots of questions about the week ahead. “What the weather going to be like I will big tell you,” he said. I’m still wondering why the “big tell you” has become part of his vocabulary but here we are. I try to remind him that we are in winter and that means the weather can change constantly. This morning a snow squall pushed through our area but thankfully it did not come near us. I warned him though. It doesn’t always sit well with him but I am trying to prepare him for that our schedule can change in an instant. Wise or not wise depends on the day, emotions, and what it will affect. Going to church and grandma’s house are not things he wants to weather to be a part of this

Our friend met us at church. She had other plans this afternoon but wanted to come to church with us. Owen was so happy to have her with us. It was good that she met us there because it was a change to our normal routine. Routine is great until routine gets interrupted and these interruptions are exactly what he needs to be prepared for. Life happens when you have something else planned and that is about the only thing that is one hundred percent routine. Change is hard but not learning about change is even harder. And I have to remember that.

I reminded him on the way to grandma’s house that I was staying to wish my dad a happy birthday when I dropped him off and he said, “Then mommy go bye bye.” He was sad because he didn’t get to go yesterday but I told him that mommy was glad he wasn’t sick and got to go today. That whole change thing was heavy on his mind. He is getting a little better about me going inside with him but he truly wants grandma time without me. It is something he has to prepare for like when we come for dinner or the holidays.

We got to my parents’ house and we went inside. I stayed for a little while and then I left so Owen could spend time with his grandma. I told him that I was coming back for him and he wouldn’t come out to the car. Again trying to change it up a little bit so he can learn to adapt to changes quicker. He came out exactly when I got there. He did it perfectly but the ride home was a little more on the bumpy side. His anxiousness for the days ahead played over and over and over as the night wore on.

He wanted me to tell him if he was going to have all his therapies this week. I tried to explain to him that yes he is supposed to have them all but he relived what seemed like every therapy he has missed for one reason or another. He then moved on to whether his friend would be there for camp, Halloween, and if they would go to school together. For a brief moment, I got him off this path and then he started telling me he was going to invite all his people to the trunk or treat at his therapy place.

The train was not derailed for long. We then entered the pouring chocolate all over ourselves portion of the day. Why is this now a thing? He immediately was upset because he got chocolate milk on his “little blue jeans” and he “was soaking wet.” I told him that if he kept pouring milk on himself he would not be able to have his “little blue jeans” back because they would be ruined. I’m truly not sure why he wants to do this now.

The night concluded with him still very anxious about his days ahead. I couldn’t help ease his mind or convince him that I didn’t know what was going to happen with the weather. My heart hurts with the complexity of how hard this can be for him. My mind never rests because his mind is full of all the constantly moving parts that he wants answers to. I pray and I pray some more for answers, guidance, and strength for both of us. My hope is in watching him doing his breathing exercises to take “little deep breaths calm down” and knowing that the foundation is being built and it will get stronger every day. His smile is golden and his laughter is life. The rain is going to fall but the sunshine will come. The bright spots are coming. Smiles to all and donut daze!

We both woke up with a good attitude. Owen was running around the house and talking up a storm the minute he woke up but I was still watching his tummy. It’s hard when he can’t explain completely how he is feeling so all I can do is watch for signs and see what he does. Since he was still eating and drinking maybe it was something he ate but I was not sure and I’m always extra careful since he can’t tell me.

Robot BeatBos for the win this morning. They were all lined up and performing their duties to the best of their abilities but since they all constantly eat batteries like they are snack foods he tells me how they aren’t working well but he doesn’t want me to put new batteries in them until they only say a few letters of the alphabet. He loves listening to them and the slower they go the more he loves them.

And then came the part he didn’t like and I don’t blame him one bit. After being up for about an hour. He went to the bathroom again several times. I still thought it was probably something he ate because there were no other signs of sickness but I couldn’t take him to see his grandma if it was anything else. He was not impressed with my decision. The screaming started once I told him but I still had to be careful. There are so many bugs going around I didn’t want to take any chances. Thankfully after our morning went by there were no more issues.

I told him that if he showed no more signs of sickness he could see his grandma tomorrow. He told me that he was going on Monday. I told him that was fine but by the afternoon he was reconsidering his words of not going tomorrow. And as the afternoon went on he stuck with wanting to go tomorrow.

If he knows you he probably has prayed for you. Today he randomly prayed for our friend’s Internet to be on at her house. It is always interesting what he prays for. We pray a lot and I tell him that he can pray about anything he is feeling because God will listen. My favorite from today was “dear God thank you for Owen amen.” I said amen to that too.

He was staying pretty calm. A few little things here and there but as to be expected when your day does not go according to plan. He was snacking most of the day so hopefully it is completely out of his system and doesn’t return. He won’t be happy with me if I keep him home tomorrow for any reason.

This morning when he heard the rain he told me that we would have to use the wipers if we went to his grandma’s house today. He was getting wound up to make sure his days ahead go exactly as he expects and by nightfall, he was making sure we were going to church. He said, “If it goes according to plan church tomorrow I will big tell you.” I’m still not quite sure why he says “I will big tell you” and “little tell you” but big and little blue jeans come to mind so maybe there is another pattern there as well.

As we got ready for bed he said, “Pend on how ya feeling go to church then grandma’s house.” I tried to explain to him that I was glad he wasn’t sick but I had to make sure. I’m thankful it wasn’t anything more and I big told him I loved him and we would have a great day tomorrow. He was ready for bed quickly because he was not going to let me spoil his plans for tomorrow and his prayer said so. Through challenges we grow. Today may not have gone according to plan but we grew. Be the plan that helps people grow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

A much calmer start to our routine day. Owen’s only main concern was how he was going to get to his grandma’s house tomorrow. He wants to make sure that I have everyone informed that I may need a backup plan so he can go see her. He told me that he was very upset yesterday but he is happy today. That feels like a huge win that he is working through his emotions and was able to tell me his feelings.

I told him I was proud of how he did yesterday. “Very good job keep up the good job,” he said. He went on to tell me that he was “screaming yesterday makes mommy sad.” I made sure he knew I was glad that he woke up happy today but I do understand that when emotions are hard it can take a lot for us to process them. I reminded him that by the end of the day, he was happy and laughing and that was incredible.

The bus app was working so that helped me plan our morning better. He was in a good mood and I wasn’t going to let anything change that. School, stay home, get ready for tomorrow was in the works. He kept reciting those steps over and over of what would happen for him today. When his plans are in motion he is so much happier and a full week of glorious routine has been perfect.

“Mommy take you to grandma’s house if snot” and then started listing all our friends that would take him. “Things changing Mommy tell you come here for a minute,” he continued. I see growth in these statements and that he is learning to process the changes that are happening. He wanted to make sure that if anything changed he would know all about it. I told him that as far as I know, he is going to grandma’s house tomorrow but I would let him know as soon as I could if anything was going to change. He was off to school and I knew he was going to have a great Friday.

He got home and he was very focused. Tomorrow is a brand new day and what it is all about. According to him I have lots of appointments that I did not know about for tomorrow and he can’t wait to go to bed so he can go see his grandma. “Owen not going Diehl’s SaturDAY no Cheryl Debi aunt Betsy eat there Saturday go in summer they moved to Florida they move back teach math me math learn math not in Florida.” And he kept going, sharing his thoughts about missing our family.

As the night wore on his belly was acting up so I am praying he is not getting sick and it goes away quickly. He was still eating and drinking and he said he was not sick. He was ready to go to bed so he could see his grandma tomorrow. He told me that he had to sleep until “five oh oh” but I made sure he knew that if he needed me he could get up anytime or yell for me. He has done so incredibly well about staying in bed but I made sure he understood that if he needed to go to the bathroom or wanted me for any reason all he had to do was call my name. I always pray he understands that. His smile is my shining light to my heart. Know that your smile can change the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

If a scream was an echo I heard it numerous times this morning. Anxiousness set heavily on Owen’s heart and he was ready for his day to be exactly like it should be immediately when he woke up. He slept all night but woke up in a mood. Every single thing was up for debate even though I was not debating anything. The screaming to wake the world is not my favorite thing. I finally got him calmed down with our breathing exercises and he started talking about next Saturday, not this Saturday, so I got him focused on today through this Saturday.

He asked to go to Diehl’s on Saturday. I told him we would have to ask Grandma and I told him he could text her. He then started screaming “No Diehl’s.” I told him that it was fine if he didn’t want to go but he was the one who suggested it so he didn’t need to scream about it. Once again we went through our calm down exercises. The screaming is so emotional. With his processing and communication skills, they are not always where he can explain it to me to get his point across so the screaming begins.

The bus app was not working so this probably made him a little happier because I make sure we go out extra early so he doesn’t miss the bus. It was “trash day trash day” so he knew he had to help me with the bags first. He has learned so much through this process but it isn’t a matter of my saying to him pick up the bag and let’s go out the door. He will get to the point where he can do it on his own but it is not a quick process for him to learn. There are so many steps to just one bag of trash.

The bus came and went with a very happy Owen. Thankfully by the time the bus got there, he was still in a focused mood but excited to be going to school. I know he had a lot on his mind because today was a big day for him after school. His physical therapist returned from “eternity leave” and he couldn’t wait. He was concerned with what she “generally wears,” using a phrase he has heard me say over and over, and if she was still going to have “lon yellow blon beautiful hair.”

Pre-cancer I had long blonde hair albeit mine was from a bottle, Owen didn’t know that. When he was little my hair had to be just so and there was no changing it. No pulling it back, no hats, no clips, no changes at all, or the meltdowns would roll through our house like a thunderstorm that couldn’t escape being in a cove. If I moved my hair from one side of my body to the other he would come screaming from the other side of the room. He didn’t have the words or communication skills to express any of his emotions so it was hard for him. My heart would sink knowing how hard just moving my hair out of my eyes would be for him.

To say he was happy to have routine back is probably a big understatement. I picked him up from school and talked with his teacher for a couple of minutes. I love hearing about his day and the things they do. He was full of stories and asking about the days ahead on the way to his therapy. His big question still remained as to how his therapist would look. I talked to him about change and that I knew it was hard but seeing the people we like is more important than what they are wearing. I know he struggles with that because he has these snapshot pictures in his head of how people should look.

We got there and he wanted to “sit on the steps you can sit on the steps.” I told him that as soon as I called to let them know he was there he could sit on the steps to wait. It wasn’t long and his speech therapist came to get him. He was so happy to have all three sessions. When his physical therapist brought him back out she said he did great with her. She took it slow because she could tell he was overwhelmed with seeing her again. Thankfully he was able to handle what she was wearing and then did some of the exercises. And she looked exactly the same.

When we came home he got a little upset because our neighbor sidetracked us for a few minutes talking before we could go inside. He was calm and happy to be home so he could stay home, go to school tomorrow, stay home, and see his grandma on Saturday and not go to Diehl’s unless he does want to go to Diehl’s. We ate our dinner and watched some videos.

The morning screams had faded and he became Laughy McLaugherson all night long. His silliness and laughter filled the air mixed in with a few serious talks about people and places. When bedtime called he said, “Mommy love laughing like a boy” and I told him I loved to hear his laugh because it made my heart happy. I tucked into bed and we said our prayers. I love it when I walk to my bedroom and from his room he says “Goodnight sweet boy I love you goodnight mommy I love you.” I say, “Goodnight sweet boy I love you” and he replies, “Amen.” Let the challenges you face be softened by the knowledge that you are not alone. Smiles to all and donut daze!