When I went to the kitchen all the questions began. I still wasn’t awake enough to answer them and I’m trying to get him to understand that some of his questions, truly most of his questions are things he knows more than I. His memory is incredible and he didn’t need me to tell him those things but he needs the reassurance and confirmation. We are working on those skills so he knows that he is incredible.
He told me he wanted to go to the park to play music and go down the slide but he was afraid it would shock him so he would go on the swing instead. He also told me he wanted to take his drum to play while he was there. He knew he was going to his grandma’s so we would go before I took him there.
Pins and needles ain't got nothing on me. The morning was full of very loud moments and lots of questions. Sometimes it is so hard waiting for the next shoe to drop and the scream to be screeched. Owen can be calm as can be and then I say one word wrong or I don’t answer quickly enough or the way he wants and he is screaming. Some days I’m on my game and I can settle him before he has a chance to ramp up and some days my mind is on a million things and I can’t answer or don’t answer and he is beside himself before I know what’s even happening. Today was one of those days. I couldn’t seem to get it together.
We got ready to go to the park and then to his grandma’s house. We got in the car and he wanted to go a certain way. I went knowing the other way would create a lot of emotions for him. I started crying thinking about how hard it is for him to process all of these moments when I can’t process everything. I have to be completely on top of my game to redirect my little genius. He could tell I was crying. He said, “kindness and grace mommy everyone needs kindness and grace compassion mommy” and my tears came down harder but these tears were now for knowing that he is processing it all and he is figuring it out.
We got to the park and he sat on one of the swings for a little bit but kept asking me if it would shock him. I told him it shouldn’t. I have been trying to explain to him what and when he might get shocked because he is now afraid of everything shocking him. He always tells me I have to open all the doors. In a way that is good so he doesn’t rush in but if they have a button for the handicap doors he rushes in.
He decided not to go on the slide because he thought it would shock him for sure. He came to the bench and played his drum for several minutes and then decided he was ready to see his grandma. I dropped him off and she was going to bring him to his vision therapy appointment since he didn’t have his music therapy today.
He did fantastic at his appointment. I’m so thankful he has been doing better. He wasn’t quite into a few of the exercises but at least he was calmer and he was carrying on conversations. He still wants to act like he wants to tear her books and lick everything in the room but for the most part, he isn’t acting on any of it.
The evening was pretty quiet compared to the morning. He was asking me about his week ahead. I have been trying to make him focus more on each day instead of all the days ahead. Each day is a day closer to going back to school. He asks about his school people every day. He fell asleep quickly and I pray he sleeps all night. He told me he will let me sleep tomorrow and that was music to my ears. I’m beyond thankful for his progress and his kind heart. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!