The screaming still gets me. Habits are hard to break, his, mine, ours. How do I convince my mind, body, and soul not to show any emotions about screaming or any other behavior at three o’clock in the morning? I ask this question all the time. All I want to do is beg him to stop screaming and go back to bed. One scream or ten screams all feel the same when sleep never seems to exist anymore.

I kept hoping he would sleep past three but he couldn’t seem to get there. His bedtime is something that I have tried to adjust for a while but it never seems to stick. Every once in a while he stays up late but most of the time it is right about the same time each night.
Just one day at a time is what I’m trying to do. He was calm after the first three hours we were up so I was going with that.

He asked when he was going swimming. I told him very soon. We have had lots of appointments between the two of us so it’s been hard to get to the pool. He told me “Pack my summer backpack so I can go to the pool.” I love that he is excited about his summer backpack. He also told me to get him some “summer sandals” as he calls them.

As the day wore on we started celebrating Christmas for some reason. He loves telling me in December we will celebrate Grandma and Santa. I am very thankful he likes the holidays more and connecting with them. He told me he wants to see fireworks this year. We will see how that goes

I’m always trying new foods with Owen and today he ate chicken Alfredo pasta. He loved the pasta and the grilled chicken. He will tell me doesn’t want to try something and I tell him that he has to try at least one bite of it. The older he gets he tries more and more foods.

Bedtime was not an easy time. He once again came and sat with me in the “white bed.” When it was finally time for him to go to bed we went through the whole process and then said our prayers. I went to my room and he was supposed to go to his. Instead, he followed me back to my room and kept telling me that I needed to take him to church. I told him I agreed. He started screaming louder for me to take him to church. The more I agreed the more he screamed. I told him that I was agreeing with him and all he needed to do was go to bed. Twenty minutes later he was finally in bed.

I pray he sleeps tonight and I pray I find sleep. I have so much on my mind I hope I can sleep. We laughed a lot and he was very talkative. I’m thankful that he had a good day besides waking up early and screaming at me. I hope we can go to church tomorrow and have a great start to our week ahead. Let the laughter fill your heart with beautiful memories that carry you through all your days. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Well, four o’clock in the morning is better than three o’clock but attitude is also important. He was so excited about West Virginia day at camp. He was talking about all the things he was going to do today and seeing his people. The week of activities made a huge difference in both our lives.

He knew we had a call from his advisor for the program he is on at ten and he was so excited to hear the phone ring. It is always interesting how he handles phone calls. I never know how he is going to process them and if he will scream the whole time I am on them. Yesterday he wasn’t happy when the nurse called about my infusion and he talked the whole time but other days he loves it when people call but he then wants them to hang up immediately
or he will keep asking me who they are and when they are going to hang up. Since my cancer diagnosis, I have been on the phone a lot more. It was getting easier for him but then when the calls were almost every day his emotions got stronger again about them. His advisor had worked with us for years when she would call to help him process it so he now at least doesn’t have meltdowns when someone calls. It doesn’t matter if my phone is on silent or ringing he has the same reaction. And one of his favorite things to do on his phone is watch videos of phones ringing and people talking on them.

After our call, we got ready and left for his camp. It was his last day. I tried not to point that out to him and made sure he knew he was coming back on Monday for his music therapy. He has enjoyed all of the days and activities. He was excited and talked about it the whole way there. He couldn’t wait to see “his people.”

He did so well at camp. Owen quickly took to one of the volunteers with the camp. She already understood a lot of what he does and how he reacts to responses and emotions. This helped him tremendously through the camp. I’m thankful for this incredible experience for him. The staff worked hard to not only create a fun environment for them but also include so many activities that promoted social skills and a beautiful learning experience.

Every day he left there full of stories and telling me about the activities. This isn’t always easy for him to explain to me so I was thankful for these moments in the car with details about his day. He wanted Hardee’s on the way home and to “drive around and see the blue church.” It’s interesting how he sees the world. Across the street from what he calls the blue church is what could be considered the blue church. It has a blue roof but he calls it the tall church. The “blue church” has reflective windows that lets him see the sky in them so he calls it the “blue church.” This is my assumption because of the way he describes it to me but it could mean something else to him.

I told Owen that if we were up before five and he didn’t let me sleep we would be staying home tomorrow. I explained that every day this week we were up very early and mommy needed rest. I prayed for sleep for both of us and that he would stay in bed later. He was pretty calm throughout the night. I tried to keep him up later but he fell asleep in my bed and then it was harder to get him calmly to his room. He kept wanting to talk about what we were doing next week and if it was summer break. He knows it is until August but he still has to process it. I’m thankful for an incredible week and how much it meant to both of us. His smile said it all and made my heart happier. Be in the moment, let your happiness shine through, and know that the rain makes the flowers grow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Rinse repeat. “Ice cream fell” was going to be fun today for my sweet baby O. Owen was very ready to get to his therapy camp and three o’clock in the morning was once again the wake-up time to do it. He was at least calmer today than he had been all week. I requested he go back to sleep or at least go to his room and that dream did not come true for very long.

He told me all kinds of things that his mind has been holding onto forever. It fascinates me the random information he selects to tell me in the middle of the night. It still amazes me how much information he retains and can share. He wanted to tell me about more places we visited and I didn’t remember. I can’t even imagine how he keeps it all straight.

I tried to explain to him that he may not require any sleep but I did. He said he wanted chocolate milk. I knew exactly what was going to happen. He wanted me to put it on the table but he didn’t want to drink it. I got up and our day began.

He was excited about getting to therapy. He couldn’t wait to see “his people.” I told him that most of his people were probably still sleeping at that point but he was happy. He had a lot of fun playing games with me and laughing hysterically at everything. He was glad I finally said it was time to go. We got in the car and he talked about it being summer break the whole way there.

He had so much fun. He told me about it being ice cream day and they did lots of “ice cream related activities.” It’s interesting when I hear him say words or phrases that I know he learned from hearing it from someone or a video he has watched. He told me he wanted pizza on the way home. He loves ordering Gino’s pizza so we can go through the drive-thru and look at the sign that the “leprechauns” helped build after the storms.

When we were driving home I stopped because a squirrel jetted out in front of me. Owen didn’t like it. I told him why I did it and he still told me I wasn’t paying attention. I said I was paying attention that’s why I stopped. I explained that I looked in my mirror and no one was behind me so it was fine if I stopped. I asked him to tell me why I stopped and he said, “The squirrel was going to run under the tire fix the tire it be square tire.” He knew exactly why I did it with a few embellishments. “Square tire” is from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He stores it all in his brain waiting for the right moment to share.

When we came home he requested that we go to the coffee shop we used to go to which is now closed. He knows it is closed but he misses going. He brought me Google Earth with the coffee shop location on the screen. I told him that we could go to another coffee shop soon.

The night went quickly and he once again started talking about wanting a new bed. It’s funny how almost every day he asks me for a new one. I’m not quite sure why but he says it and then asks for his “tent off.” When I tell him we can take the tent off he says no he wants it left on. I think he likes the closure on it and the way it makes him feel secure. He tells me he wants a square bed so I’m not quite sure what that means. I asked him to show me what he meant. I told him when I figured it out he could get a new bed.

He was talking about it being West Virginia day at camp tomorrow and he was very excited about his day. We got ready for bed and we said his prayers. He said, “I pray everybody sleeps tonight.” It didn’t take him long to fall asleep. I pray he sleeps past three in the morning. I’m thankful for this incredible week he has had and all the wonderful experiences. He has thoroughly enjoyed them. His laughter won my heart and I was thankful he stood with me singing. It always makes my day. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Life can be amazing. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Day two of pretending that once again we had a great night. I feel like I should be making a captain’s log or something. The emotions sit heavy on my heart. At least there was no screaming. He is ready for his day ahead and August 15th. I was ready for more sleep.

His first words out of his mouth at three o’clock in the morning were “Good morning sunshine how are you I’m fine tablet tablet did you sleep all night no no upper all night chocolate milk Mommy.” His words are etched in my mind. I told him to go back to bed and he went with his tablet but it wasn’t long before the chocolate milk request came in again. His words and requests didn’t stop. I always thought I talked a lot until I crowned the winner in Owen. My dude has got me beat for sure, especially at three o’clock in the morning when I am as slow as molasses.

He couldn’t wait to get to “therapy ther a py ther Ahhh py.” He once again said he was getting Chinese food and Tudors today but I had a feeling he would change his mind. He also said he couldn’t wait to see “his people” and went on to say he can’t wait to see “his people” in August. I love that he is now saying “his people.” He asked me many times when we were leaving but I think since it was day three he wasn’t getting more accustomed to the time.

He was very excited to be at therapy camp but he wanted to make sure I knew he was going home and staying home when he was done so he could take off his shorts that he can’t wear in December but he will be celebrating his grandma because it’s her birthday month with Santa Claus. He was very thorough in his plans and had to let me know before he could walk back to do the activities.

When we were coming home I went over a bump on the bridge that used to always cause him to have huge meltdowns that would last for hours. Right before the bump that connects the bridge part to the regular road, he said, “Here comes the bump.” At first, I didn’t know what he was talking about and then I went over it within seconds of him saying it. I wonder if that is what used to cause his meltdowns. And I can only imagine all the other bumps, potholes, signs, and everything else road-related he has stored in his memory. I don’t know why it amazes me that he knows every bump in the road but it still amazes me every time he tells me something like this. He truly never forgets a thing.

He was full of many stories on the way home and kept me guessing what he would tell me next. He was laughing hysterically and kept saying “ice cream fell” from his love of the bear dropping his ice cream in Toon Blast. Tomorrow is ice cream day at his therapy camp so I let them know that if he says “ice cream fell” that he may be looking for a chance to watch ice cream fall. They were thankful for the heads-up. He generally only eats a couple of bites anyways.

I knew his food choice would change and he requested Chick-fil-A on our way home. We got his food and we came home. He ate his meal and he sat there laughing his belly gut laugh that is just incredible. He had been laughing at one thing or another all day. I was thankful for his happy mood and it made the night go even faster. I pray he sleeps tonight and he has another incredible day tomorrow. Part laughter fill your heart and let it be your guide to an amazing tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I’m just going to pretend we had a full night of sleep. That’s all I can do. Owen was beyond excited about his day ahead and he couldn’t wait to tell me that he was going to see his friend. I hoped his friend would be there but I wasn’t sure. I tried to convince Owen to go back to bed many times but that wasn’t happening so extra strong coffee it was.

He couldn’t wait to get going and he came to ask me every few minutes when we were leaving. Anytime he wants to know about the times we are leaving I take it as a moment to work on telling time. I get him to look at the clock and explain how much time we have left and we set a lot of timers so that he knows how long a certain amount of time is.

It was finally time to go. We got ready and we were out the door. The whole way there I tried to distract him by talking about the different things we saw along the way and that didn’t detour him in any way. I moved on to trying to get him to sing, and he would sing very quickly parts of a song and then he would immediately go back to asking about his friend. Trying to distract him or redirect, him is a challenge in itself.

When Owen was a toddler and I didn’t know much about autism I would watch him do the same thing over and over and over again, and it would be ours sometimes before he would move forward. One day he was watching a video and he kept going back to the exact same place and every time he would watch it, he would cry. This kept happening so for several hours we did lots of other activities and games. As soon as we were done and he went back to his tablet, he stood in the exact same spot and did the exact same things for thirty more minutes. I realized then that distracting him or redirecting him was going to be something of a challenge because he had to process it all before he could move forward.

If his friend wasn’t going to be there I was hoping to explain to him about disappointments but that we can still enjoy ourselves and have fun. His friend ended up not being there and wasn’t coming back for the rest of the week but maybe this will make it easier for Owen to sleep. I know it was disappointing for him, but I’m hoping that it will help him in the long run to learn more about emotions.

He had a wonderful time at his session and the Hardee’s request came in as we were leaving. His friend isn’t coming back but it might help in the long run that Owen knows he isn’t coming back and I will sleep past three o’clock in the morning. The whole way home he talked about his people and how much fun he had.

I reminded him that his friend wasn’t going to be there and he said, “Owen not going never going back.” I told him that he got to go again for the next three days. He said, “See all the people.” I said yes and told him that it was exciting to meet new friends. I repeated this throughout the night that he got to still go to his therapy and that he would continue to have fun for the rest of the week. I didn’t want him to be confused that he wasn’t allowed to go and he would be going tomorrow. Throughout the day, he kept saying “Get to see his people.”

Tomorrow is beach day so he thinks he is going to get to be in the water but I reminded him it was just pretend and they wouldn’t be in the water. I reiterated this throughout the day. He asked several times if he was going to get to go to the pool tomorrow and I told him very soon.

Nighttime came quickly and it didn’t take much convincing for him to go to bed. I pray he sleeps all night and is excited about his day tomorrow. It’s been a nice time for me as well being able to talk to other parents and spend time with them. I feel like he’s making huge progress and today was a good day. Let your day be filled with sunshine and your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!

When you are tired you are tired and when your son is awake you are awake even if your tired is tired. And so it began. Four o’clock in the morning is the new five. Owen is focused on summer being over and getting up to remind me that it is nowhere near summer being over.

The good news is he didn’t know he was getting to have a week of fun and some extra therapy mixed in. I was supposed to have an appointment this morning so we met my mom so she could watch Owen for a few hours. He knew this was happening so that probably didn’t help the waking up early. He didn’t know however that he was getting to see some of his friends today. He was so excited to see his best friend there and I was extremely happy for him. He knows that he will get to see his friends the rest of the week so hopefully he will sleep better.

He had a great time at his therapy and talked about it all afternoon before we went to his vision therapy appointment. I asked him what the best part was and he said, “All of it.” He said he was excited to go on a bear hunt with his best friend. I was loving all the information. I am so glad he can express how much fun he had and listening to him talk about it is amazing.

When we came home he wanted to show me all the things he knows I don’t want to see. Rinse, repeat. I’m back to telling him to show me everything and he quickly turns it off. I pray this is the time this strategy sticks. It is amazing how calculating his brain is and can work through all of this. Plus, he will put something on a shelf for a month or years and bring it back into the mix. Like drawers being open is back to causing him to have meltdowns. It’s truly wild how things come back up that I thought we worked through and were done with.

We got ready to leave for his vision therapy appointment and he was talking about all the day's events. As we were getting ready to leave the rains came and I thought how thankful I am that rain no longer causes meltdowns just to hear even one drop of rain. I pray this is something that never comes back off the shelf. I can’t even begin to remember how many appointments we had to cancel or events we couldn’t go to because he would be crying in my arms from the rain.

He did INCREDIBLE At his vision therapy! I can’t remember the last time he did remotely this good. He was in such a great mood! On the way home I was telling him how proud I was of him. I said you know you did “fan” and before I could finish he said, “tastic.” He did three new exercises and no screaming. He hugged his doctor many times and it was like he was back to his old self again. It’s amazing how quickly it all changes. He had minor things like biting my hair, talking about gum, and tearing books but nothing like the last few months. So thankful!

When it was bedtime he said that he got to see his friend “four more times three more times two more times one more time until Friday.” I’m so thankful he is happy. It feels like it is already a blessed week. On the hard, hard days these are the days I file in my memory banks to pull out and remember the incredible days. He can’t wait to see his friends tomorrow and I pray it helps him sleep tonight. Create those memories that will always make you smile and have a great day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Four is very close to five but not so much when there is constant talking, a few gagging sounds, some head licking, and moments that move quickly between almost scream sounds with a back and forth ping pong game of what are we doing today versus what we are doing tomorrow. Even when the right answer is given Owen decides he wants the wrong answer.

No matter how much knowledge you have about the right way to handle a situation at four o’clock in the morning conversations never go according to plan because sleep is what you truly crave. Plus, throw in every curveball you can be given and quite frankly it’s exhausting before you even have a moment to think how exhausted you are.

Owen forgets nothing. He tells me people he does want to see and he tells me people he doesn’t want to see that he hasn’t seen for many, many years. He talks about places he wants to go to and places he does not want to ever go to again. Yesterday getting him out of the house was a back and forth adventure of what he did and did not want to do. Detouring from said route some days can cause huge meltdowns but thankfully we got out, had fun, and got what we needed.

Even though we were up very early, we went to church and it was exactly where we needed to be. The message was wonderful and truly was meant for my heart. I asked Owen what he did while he was there and he said he played the “keyboard piano.” I’m not sure if they have one in their room or not but I loved that he was talking about music. I would love to find someone that would do singing lessons for him.

He requested two foods tomorrow. “Chicken and duckling soup and Tudors.” He went on to say that he wanted Chinese food for dinner and that he would have tutors for lunch. He wants to be sick so he can see his doctor. I told him then he couldn’t do his day tomorrow so he told me he wasn’t sick and wanted to see his grandma and go to his therapies. He then started talking about going to Bob Evans with his people and taking one of our friend’s pancakes. I’m not quite sure why he is taking hers or that she is even going to get some but he is taking them where you go.

Everything is constantly changing and he wants everything to stay the same. Something like a game changing its reward system or not having the magical hats he wants it to have completely will change his day. It’s hard to explain to him that life is constantly changing and we have to adjust with the ebb and flow of life. I pray he sleeps all night and tomorrow he will get to see his grandma and go to his therapies. His laughter once again won my heart and I’m thankful for a pretty good day. Let each day be your guide for a brighter tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

It’s like the weather report, what front are we going to have today? The morning was mostly sunny. Owen woke close to 5:30 and came to me proudly saying “Slept upper night daytime after 5 oh oh good morning mommy time to get up Candy Land we can play Candy Land.” I was so glad for the sleep and he didn’t completely rush me to get out of bed. He wanted his hug and his kiss.

As the morning went on he was very vocal and told me the things he was not supposed to do like “don’t eat banana dice” and “no lick mommy’s head” but otherwise calm. He told me he wasn’t going anywhere and then said Hardee’s and the park to be Ethereal in E. I told him we could go wherever he wanted to go. It was great for him to go through all the steps. I am glad he is learning to tell me more about his emotions. I am glad he is processing it all. I feel like he is making the connections. I also think the more his words develop that will help.

He was talking about going to church tomorrow and when he needed to wake up. He said, “Wake up at five am” instead of “five oh oh.” He went on to say “Wake up at five o’clock in the morning or later.” The conversation continued about being kind to everybody and that he needed to sleep at night and “wake up when it was daytime with no lights outside.” I can only imagine what his mind thinks about when he says it’s daytime and the sun isn’t awake yet. His mind amazes me.

He was telling me about his grandma’s “sparkler shirt”. It has little rhinestones on it that shine. He says it with the L not in the right place so I broke the word down for him more and he is saying it a little better. He is talking about celebrating you in December. I am writing down words for his new speech therapist that I know he has problems with. I explained how he confuses letters in the middle of the words and puts them in different positions so she is going to work on that with him. I liked her a lot and so did he. I think she will be a great addition to the team. I love so many of the words he says “wrong” but I know he needs to learn how to say them properly. Plus, he is very receptive to words now and how to say things. He is craving all the languages and reading now. It is a wonderful blessing.

We successfully played Candy Land and he was so happy. He only wanted to play once for now but said he would play more later. He decided he did want to go get something to eat and “drive around” to see his favorite sites.

We went a few places and then his requested Hardee’s. He ate his cheeseburger quickly and moved on to the fries and chicken strips. He wanted ranch with them. They have a platter and it has chicken, toast, fries, and coleslaw. He ate several bites of the coleslaw for me without a face. I’m thankful that he knows he has to try at least one bite of everything and it is amazing how many foods he now likes because of it.

New category for his Google Earth searches… finding businesses that we used to go to that are no longer open and places that are not open right now. He showed me restaurants and recreational facilities that we used to go to that closed down. Plus, he showed me where he goes to see his pediatrician but he told me he can’t go see her today because they are closed. It is so wild what he finds.

It’s funny soccer started again and he randomly asked about going to soccer today. I said do you want to go and he said, “No no way” and totally exaggerated the word “way.” He did not enjoy it at all. Maybe when he gets older he will like it but for now, we will stick with other activities. I love that he can express that he doesn’t want to do something though. He has come so incredibly far.

We had a busy day. We laughed a lot and there was more of a sparkle in his eyes. He was in a great mood for most of the day. There was a lot less head licking but more talking about the videos he knows I don’t want to watch. He informed me of all the people he was going to show it to tomorrow and I asked him if that was fair to people they may not want to see people losing their teeth or having something medical done like a bleeding toenail. It makes me squeamish just thinking about it. I’m hoping he will make the connection to this and stop showing the videos since no matter how I try I can never block all the videos.

It didn’t take long and he was out. Today I saw so much growth in him. His focus was clearer and when he is calmer he doesn’t tend to tend to upset the apple cart just to upset the apple cart. He is very excited about church tomorrow and told me that he needed to sleep until “5 am when it is daytime with no lights outside.” I love how he is embracing new words and phrases. Every day is a great day when my sweet baby O is happy and “laughing like a boy.” Let hope be what you focus on and know that tomorrow will be a great day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Trying to teach behaviors is going to be interesting but that is the name of the game for this summer. Owen was up early and came out swinging. Well licking my head. He didn’t scream but he didn’t listen. Deep breaths today. He was in a mood. I guess I was too. He wanted to know when school was starting and sure that was on his mind.

I told him he wasn’t going anywhere until his behavior was better. When I got up I explained to him that I had a day of fun planned for him but that we have to be kind to each other and that behavior is a huge part of it so we would be staying home until he stopped being mean to me. His tablet had already been taken away several times by the time we even ate breakfast because of licking my head, showing me things he knew I wanted to see, and other behaviors he knew he was not supposed to do like tearing his books. This summer my goal is to get him to understand behavior.

He was calmer as the morning continued but he thought everything was funny. He wanted to show or talk about all the things he knew I didn’t want to talk about and then laugh about it when I would show any type of reaction. I switched around on him though. Every time he brought it up I pulled up the different things on his tablet. He realized as the day went on that I was not going to let him laugh at me about it and instead pull it up and just watch it. I’m hoping that takes away the fun. He was having with showing me these things I did not want to see. By the end of the day, he was not mentioning them as much.

He wanted to tear paper and cut paper with scissors. Both skills are things he needs to work on for his fine motor skills but he has to use them appropriately. The tearing of books is something he does not need to do so I’m hesitant to work anymore with tearing of paper but if I can teach him appropriate ways to do it he may stop tearing books. He wants to cut paper every night before bed so we go through one piece of paper and he cuts it into little squares before he is done. After each cut, he says, “Do it one more time.” We have several kids’ scissors and he gets to choose which one he wants to use.

“If I could I would,” Owen said to me one more time. It’s a phrase I always say to him when I wish I could pull magic out of the air and make something happen for him. He wants to play in the snow with his best friend and take a picture. Being that it’s June and we are in West Virginia it’s going to be many months before that is even a possibility.

I keep thinking of five more months of infusion treatments for me. I can do it. I ask myself about it almost as much as Owen asks me when he goes back to school. All my days blend together and my stomach always seems to be on edge. I pray every day for a calm day for both of us.

It is mind-blowing how exhausting one minute can be. Anytime the phone rings or someone walks by the house our lives can change. Sometimes in his loudest moments, they are my loneliest times because I never know when the meltdown will begin for a word I may say or an action I might do. Owen is incredibly brilliant and I know he will continue to make more connections to grow and understand these hurdles. Every day I pray for strength and guidance to help him through the days that I don’t always comprehend what he is going through.

As we sat together in the “white bed” I prayed for a calm night for him and that he could sleep all night. It will be hard for him because he doesn't get to see his grandma tomorrow. She has other plans and he knows he is going on Monday. This in itself may cause him to wake up. I saw progress today and he wanted me to know it so he would come to me when he did something he knew he wasn’t supposed to do and put his forehead on my lips and say “Kiss sorry mommy” so I would know he knew he was sorry. I wondered if he did the wrong things on purpose at this point but at least the connections were there. Each day I pray for a better tomorrow with kindness and grace for everyone. Someone else’s shoes don’t need a mile to be walked in they just need compassion to know they have a story to be told. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Exhaustion pretty much won for both of us last night. I was awake around four and O woke around 4:30. He came to me twice but successfully went back to bed without too much flare. He wanted to make himself sick by gagging so I would interact more but I stuck with “go back to bed until 5 oh oh.” He did and was pretty calm after that. He immediately wanted his chocolate milk and cereal. I was thankful we got as much sleep as we did. My stomach was much better today and I’m trying to make better food choices that are not based on my stress level. And so our day began.

He was so excited to go to “therapy ther a py therapy” because he was starting speech again. I was hoping she would not be in blue so he wouldn’t expect it every time. He asked me all morning when we would be going so we started the countdown. The countdown truly didn’t work because he came to me every few minutes but at least he was happy about it.

He picked out several games that he wanted including Candy Land. I’m not sure how Candy Land came on his radar but he was all about it. I showed him Perfection and he liked that it popped. He said, “Make it pop.” I thought it would be a good option for him to try and put the pieces in their slots. I’m always looking for new ways to work on his fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination.

Joking about honey mustard is a joke until it is no joke and then it becomes serious business. It is amazing how much Owen likes to joke about things until you say one wrong word and then he is all back to mister serious face. He wanted “chicken sticks honey mustard potato chips” for lunch. I said, “I thought you would want purple cow sauce with them.” “Purple cow” is always something I reference when I’m joking with him. He said, “Na uh no way honey mustard.” We went back and forth, with him giggling so completely until I said, “I guess it’s purple cow sauce then.” He got up from his chair and said, “No honey mustard out of the bottle” and came over to me to make sure I got it out of the refrigerator. I told him OK you win honey mustard it is.

He keeps calling customer service on his phone. Luckily it is the animated service so it’s not a person but it makes him happy to be listening to the information. I didn’t reactivate his phone so he can only call that and emergency services which he technically doesn’t know how to do, thank goodness. He has tried to call his grandma a couple of times and laughs about it. I feel like if I reactivate it he will make a lot of calls he shouldn’t just because it is funny to him and I know people will understand but I think in the next year or so he will be ready to text and call more appropriately when it’s not funny to him anymore. It is amazing how much he wants to hear ringtones and make calls but screams when I am on the phone or won’t stop asking questions.

We got ready and off the therapy we went. I love his new speech therapist and so did he. She said he did great and she was very impressed with his language skills. She had several things that she will be working on with him and noticed right away how he loves the wrong answers and will work on that too but she sounds like a great fit for him. She said he was so excited to be there. I told her he had been talking about it all week. He also did well with his other therapists and he was much calmer than he has been with only a few things here and there. It was music to my ears.

The afternoon was calm with a few little detours of talking about the things he shouldn’t be talking about but the giggles make him do it. He says, “It’s not funny” and shows it to me anyway. His every night request to “cut scissors paper” came in and he had to cut a piece of paper until there were tons of pieces. I’m so thankful that he loves to do more “arts and crafts” like he did at school. I’m thankful that they worked on so many skills like this to help him develop his fine motor skills.

He told me many times throughout the day he has to sleep tonight until “5 oh oh” so that was a plus. I hope that it comes true. My giggly sweet baby O made my heart smile with his laughter. I let so many of yesterday’s regrets sit on my days. I don’t want to keep doing that to myself. The emotions sit heavy with the woulda, coulda, shouldas. Some days it is easier than others to let go or keep the thoughts at bay but I’m reminding myself to always focus on the good stuff. Do not let yesteryear be where you sit. Keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!