The bags under my eyes were packed and should have taken themselves down to the coffee shop for some fuel. Instead, I pushed start on my coffeemaker and it couldn’t brew fast enough. Our party started at three. One of us was sleepy and the other was very sleepy but going back to bed was not an option. I told Owen last night when all he could think about was going to see his grandma that if he woke up at three he had to go back to bed without the screaming. Screaming started shortly after he woke up and then he started running through the house flipping the lights on and off because I told him he needed to go back to bed. He started the countdown of when he was going to Grandma’s house. I explained to him that he needed to be calm and that we had to be kind to each other. This was not what he wanted to hear at three in the morning but that’s all I could muster. I told him that if he didn’t stop screaming at me he wouldn’t go to grandma’s house. This came with mixed moments of screams and clarity. As the morning went on he heard the rain. It was Saturday and besides going to grandma’s house he also wanted mud, lots of mud. He was a bit cranky and very sleepy, and so was I. He said he wanted a campfire with his grandma but I told him the rain would most likely not let them have one. He started watching YouTube videos of people driving around the area so he could get his chain of videos together to get him from point A to point B to point C. It amazes me how he finds them and connects the turns to where he wants them to go, stopping and starting the next video to continue his journey. He kept asking me to take off my glasses but I’m not sure why because he then told me to put them right back on. We still had some time before we were leaving and he said, “We’ll leave here in an hour.” When we finally did leave he told me he lost his tooth in the car but it was still there. He’s ready for it to be gone. He had a great time with grandma and then I met them at the mud, I mean park. He had so much fun playing in it and he was covered.
When we go home we had a lot of mud to get off. He did great with my instructions to leave his clothes at the door. That can be hard for him since it’s not what he generally does. He was practicing blowing bubbles in the “pool tub.” He was talking about swimming on the way home. I told him we would have to go to the indoor pool. Even though he has gone to an indoor one I don’t think he was making the connection and said it was winter. I think it might be a good thing for us to do on his Christmas break. I think he will like it. I still can’t believe he likes mud. It really will be interesting to see if he likes snow. He has all the gear he just needs the snow. He was watching a Curious George Christmas video. Right before he started watching it he told me he wanted a “piggy bank with coins red yellow pink green blue.” He told me he wanted Santa to bring it to him. Then he started watching Curious George with a bicycle. I wondered what he would say next. I showed him a piggy bank and he started jumping up and down. He said, “The coins go in there.” I always remind Owen that he is amazing. I asked him if he knew what he was and he said, “amazing” and I told him that’s right. He went to bed requesting church and to go to dinner with “Night Santa.” Today was a rollercoaster but I hold onto the victories. Dream big and make those dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen went through all the days ahead the minute he woke up. He walked up to me after he went to the bathroom, pulled some of my hair up on each side of my head like Pippi Longstocking, and started telling me that he was seeing his grandma tomorrow, church on Sunday, and school on Monday, adding that he would be going to music therapy and vision therapy. I could tell as his excitement level went up that the important part was that he made sure I knew we were doing nothing today. He went back and forth about doing activities tomorrow before going to see his grandma but then said only grandma. So this means we shall see how all the days ahead go. He stayed right beside me in the “white bed” until it was time to get ready for school. He hadn’t mentioned school when he was going through all his days. I always ask him what about today? He then says, “Focus on today.” At this point, he wanted all the foods, two minutes set on the timer, and to make sure he was going to grandma’s house tomorrow so he could play on her “black computer.” The interesting part is that it isn’t even hooked up to the internet. Ours is and he plays with it a lot but he always wants to play with hers. When we were waiting for the bus I always try to work on conversation skills with him. This is a moment in time when he is completely focused on the bus but I want him to also understand that he can still carry on a conversation while he is doing other activities. I started talking to him about wishing someone a Merry Christmas but before I could get the word “Christmas” out he said, “Mary C Snow.” I didn’t have time to go into any more details about how I was talking about Christmas and not the school he loves that he has never gone to because his bus came around the corner and his excitement began. When he came home from school I thought for a minute I convinced him to go someplace but he wanted to play on his computer. It’s not any faster since I got it working again but at least it is working. He was ready for a bath the minute he came home so he could use his goggles again. I wonder how he would like a pair that goes completely over his eyes. I told him he could take a bath after dinner. He started watching videos of people driving around our area. He was yelling at one driver to make sure they stopped at the burger boy - the statue he loves. I was starting to fix our dinner and was making chicken. He told me no chicken today. He requested waffles. I do believe that’s because I told him he had to wait until after dinner for his bath. Goggles are on his mind and there is no stopping bath time. The quickest route to bath time is a quick dinner that is made quickly. I told him I still had to eat my dinner though so I asked him if he would like chicken and waffles. He once again said, “No chicken today.” The boy was on a mission. He got his bath and he wore his goggles. Bedtime was not quick. Friday nights are our rollercoaster night. He had it on his mind about his day tomorrow and every time I thought he was asleep he would yell out “black computer.” I pray for sleep. I pray for calm. I pray for his understanding. Each day I remind myself to stay strong and keep moving forward. Enjoy the moments that whisper the melody of your life and let it be your guide for a beautiful day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I’m thankful Owen has been sleeping better again. He wasn’t exactly listening to me like he should but this felt more like a kid not listening to his parents. He was ready for his day and out the door, we went to wait for his bus. He keeps sitting closer to the front to be near the driver. He told me so he could tell him to turn right. The boy has a plan and knows where he wants to go. He was excited because he knew I was going to pick him up for therapy and the day somewhat lived up to his expectations. He wanted to go by the burger boy before and after but we only went once. He did great at therapy so that was good and his teacher said he had a good day. He wanted a bath with goggles but I once again told him after dinner. He had other plans. The added excitement of goggles in the bathtub has changed his world. He said, “On your mark get set go” and then would move to the other side of the tub. He took his bath and then wanted to wear his goggles to bed. I told him he could wear them for a few minutes around the house but then we had to put them up. I didn’t want them getting caught on anything during the night. Plus, his eyes would get squished under the edge after a while. He was very much planning his Friday and Saturday. He wanted to stay home Friday night and get ready to go see Grandma on Saturday. His plans are in motion. I’m thankful for a good day and I pray he sleeps again. Find your joy in the little things and watch how your world changes. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The days feel like they are all blending together. Owen was happy to start his day and he told me we were not going anywhere when he got home from school. He has his plans in order for the next few days and sometimes sticking to the plan is best even if occasionally I want to try to break up the routine. He was happy to go to dinner yesterday and we talked about it this morning. I’m glad he likes going when he wants to go. We got ready and went to wait for the bus but we didn’t have to wait very long. He sat towards the front of the bus again and I think he must have a new seat. When he got home he had one plan and that was to stay home. When the bus dropped him off he ran down the sidewalk to tell it bye. He then came inside announcing that nothing is happening today or Friday, making sure I knew I was picking him up tomorrow. I said I thought you wanted to do activities on Friday. He said he wanted his friend to go to the park. I said that we could see. I’m not sure how cold it will be or if it will happen but he’s at least thinking about it. There are a few places we could go that are indoor activities. I am trying not to always push the days especially since he is starting to say he wants to go more places on his own. I am going to do more of the follow through though when I can about the days that he does decide to do things and I’m going to try to make more random plans for us as well. Next week is a busy week for him. He has his regular therapy sessions but he also has appointments on Tuesday and Wednesday. He wanted to take a bath with his goggles on. He was chanting “Take a bath.” He asked for his dinner early because I said he could have a bath after dinner. After I fixed his dinner and he didn’t want to eat it right away. He told me he was throwing it in the trash so he could take a bath right away. The dude has plans and when he has plans he has plans. He wanted his goggles and his tablet in the tub. He got one out of the two. He loved wearing his goggles and apparently, we need a pool-size tub now because he wants to go swimming in it. He got out of the bath and ate the rest of his dinner. We then worked on some crafts for Christmas gifts. He now apparently has to open the refrigerator every time he walks past it. Sometimes he closes it back and sometimes not so much. This is a new trend I hope quickly moves forward otherwise I will have to put a lock on it. I don’t want to do this because I’m trying to promote independence but so far I am not explaining it in a way that is getting him to understand. Each day is full of victories and challenges but those challenges lead to our biggest rewards. Keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen slept a little later this morning and was ready to get to school. He reminded me of “dinner with grandma” and I reminded him that we were going to follow through since we promised her we were going. He was very happy and had a big smile on his face. As soon as we walked out the door to wait for the bus he started saying “Lay down layyyy doowwnnn” and down he went on the sidewalk. I heard his little giggle as he did it. He wanted to move to the leaves but I stopped him because they were extremely wet and we had no time to change. He yelled to me “Hear it hear it” and the bus came around the corner. Yesterday when he got on the bus he sat up closer to the driver and he did again today. Maybe he wants to give him more directions. Some of his Christmas presents like his trumpet from Santa have arrived. This is the first year he is excited about getting presents wrapped in a box from Santa. I’m so excited that he is talking about unwrapping presents. In past years no one could open presents in front of him because it was cause hours of meltdowns when the paper would come off the box. I’m thankful for his progress. He got home from school and at first, he said no to going to dinner with grandma. I told him this is the second week you’ve asked to go to dinner with grandma and he immediately said, “Fish please, I’d like the fish please.” We had a little bit of time before we left but he ended up deciding on Dairy Queen asking for “hotdogs and chicken plus grandma bring black tablet.” He did great and didn’t get hotdogs but ate his food and some of mine. I told him the next time we went to dinner that while we ate our food he would have to put his tablet down so we could have more conversations. He said, “No more dinner.” I think we will have to work through that. He liked Dairy Queen though and we can now add that to places he wants to go. He talked about it several times on the way home. It is good to let him have a voice in choosing the places he wants to go. He told me he wants to go to dinner with “Night Santa” so he can bring his music therapist to dinner and show Santa his tablet. He calls the Santa he saw at the park “Night Santa” and the other Santa “Fish Santa” because of the big fish tanks. I’m thankful for his progress and a good day. Even on the ride home from dinner, he was calm and that made my day. Find joy in the little things and let that be your guide to a good day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I wake up some days willing myself to be strong and pray I can. I talk to Owen about emotions and how to handle them. I talk to myself about the same thing. Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. I woke up and had to go to the bathroom. I had a serious talk with my bladder but it doesn’t seem to listen. I got back to bed and within minutes Owen was awake and ready to start our day. He was excited about his day and I was trying to wake up. It was barely four o’clock and I just wanted us to find sleep again. Days like this I try not to push it. I told him he could have his tablet if he went back to his bed. What that really meant was he went back to his bed for about five minutes and then came to me to find a video on his tablet. He is doing much better with the voice-activated option but there are still words he can’t read and words it doesn’t understand when he says them. He was excited to get to school and he couldn’t wait for his music therapy and vision therapy. I said, “I love you.” He reached up to hug me but squished my neck and pulled my hair out towards the top of my head and said, “I love you.”Some days I sit to avoid the screams. Other days I feel a little more like I can climb that mountain. But most days I’m plain exhausted. We got ready and out to wait for the bus we went. The bus came around the corner and he was so happy. He got on the bus and instead of going to his normal seat by the aide he stopped and sat at the front of the bus. I thought it was interesting and I can’t wait to see what he does tomorrow. I had his school meeting today for his IEP. It’s always emotional to hear how he’s doing but thankfully his team all said he was making progress. They are working on different goals and explained what they were focusing on with him. I loved listening to his PE teacher talk about his progress. I’m truly thankful for this extra year for him. I think it has given him a better foundation for moving on next year. When I picked him up for music therapy he was more than excited. He couldn’t wait to tell his therapist that he wanted to play Mozart on the ukulele. She told me after his session that they played several songs and worked on numerous activities. He kept asking her to go with us when he was done. He wants everyone to get together for dinner with Santa so he can show him his tablet. We drove by one of our new statues we are researching on our way home to get a snack before his vision therapy. I’m not sure how he liked the statue but he asked to go to a silver one tomorrow when we go to dinner with his grandma. When we went to his vision therapy he amazed his doctor and me both. She wanted him to draw a circle around an object and instead without any help he drew a smiley face and told us all about it. He did it three times. Plus he caught rings with her and followed instructions for most of the activities. It was a full day and he fell asleep quickly. Some days even though they are good it is still an emotional journey. I was telling myself to be stronger and to remember his progress. Right when I was thinking all of this I saw a Coca-Cola truck. When my family sees one we always think of my grandma. She was one of the strongest people I have ever known. And this was a reminder to be strong. I’m thankful for a good day. Each day we can make it a good day by celebrating our victories. No matter how small celebrate them all. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The day felt rushed before I even got out of bed. I pushed myself to be as quiet as I could so I didn’t wake Owen up. I prayed I could go through all the steps to get back to my bed with my cup of coffee and let him sleep. I succeeded which only proved he really has been tired the last few days and maybe a growth spurt is on its way. He slept for about another hour. The “tablet” march started right outside his room but he came straight to me once again. Before he even got to me I started asking him lots of questions and he told me so many things. This is where my blessing started for the day. I asked him what his favorite part from yesterday was and he said, “Grandma.” He then told me without my prompting about his pants getting muddy. He said, “fell in the mud” which meant he sat down in it with glee. He went on to tell me about taking a bath. He sat with me for at least ten minutes without getting his tablet. It was a great way to start our morning. He was ready to get to church. He talked a lot about finding mud but I wasn’t sure how that would go. During our church service, the kids sang. There are so many emotions attached to moments like these. Owen has been up on stage before but someone has to stay with him and he doesn’t always cooperate even though he loves to sing. It’s hard for him to hold still or still enough to stand there to sing. After church was over I got him from his classroom and he wanted to go sit in the auditorium. He told me he wanted us to sing. He sat down in the chairs and opened his mouth really wide with no words coming out but he kept telling me he wanted to sing. I am not sure if he even knew the kids were singing today but I know that one day he will sing on that stage with all his might and on his own when he is ready. And maybe a few times before with a little help from his friends. There were a lot of his emotions tied up in mud so after the great debate we grabbed lunch and came home. Since he likes visiting statues I’ve been looking up others in the area and finding out the general history. I then found them on Google Earth to show him. At first, he wanted nothing to do with it but now he is interested so we will see. I’m going to attempt to take him to one tomorrow after his music therapy. Most days it’s “lay down” day but today was “don’t fall” day. Technically he wanted to also “lay down” in front of the elevators but it was too crowded at the time so I told him not to and he listened. After he ate his lunch he purposely fell to the ground on top of his blankets so he could say, “Be easy that will hurt don’t fall.” And when the dinner meal happened he didn’t want to leave it out so he poured his milk all across the floor when I went to the bathroom. I heard the same phrases coming from his mouth and he was sitting down in the milk. This was after his requested bath before dinner. You would think I would be one step ahead of him by now but he’s always ten ahead of me. Bedtime came swiftly but once again with a big debate of whether he should have his tablet in bed or not. He’s ready for his busy day tomorrow and he told me he was going to play Mozart on the ukulele with his music therapist. And one day he will. The blessings were there even though sometimes the valleys felt low. The laughter this morning was the best when he told me to tickle him one more time putting his foot in my hand. Find your blessings in the little things and watch how your world changes. Smiles to all and donut daze!

“Tablet,” I heard about an inch from my nose. I had been in and out for at least an hour at this point, listening to see if I heard Owen. I had fallen back to sleep and it was after five. Our Friday night victory happened. He had passed by his tablet to get to me so I haven’t completely convinced him he can have his tablet without waking me. I said, “Good morning Owen what do you say first instead of tablet?” He said, “Tablet” again and then said, “Tablet good morning Mommy I’m fine how are you?” I went back through the steps with him, repeating the conversation with him. There are days I can’t wake up quick enough to go over the steps with him or even think to say good morning but I want him to understand the art of conversation and him sharing his words. I also try to ask him what he could say to me. I want him to have a conversation he can expand on but give all the moving parts to work with. I know when he says tablet what he wants but he needs to be able to express his wants and needs in his words. He ran off to get his tablet and after I fixed his first breakfast he said, “Grandma.” Technically at this point, he had said it maybe twenty times but I was trying to not answer each time. I keep reminding him that he is brilliant and he knows what is happening that his mind remembers these details so we don’t have to go over them again. It’s a fine line of walking through reminding him he knows it but not making him suppress excitement and talking about new ideas associated with activities he is doing. His brain forgets nothing. He sat on the couch asking Alexa how to translate numerous phrases into Arabic and then he started looking up lullabies he hadn’t listened to in quite some time. Some of them were sang in other languages and from there he kept going with the languages. We got ready and went to the event. He was excited to go “see the activities” and he got a Spider-Man toy. He made sure to tell many people they should be in blue pants but he did well. The “lay down” was in full effect and that made him happy. After that, he went to spend time with his grandma. On the way there he told me he wanted to go to the park after he went to see his grandma. He had fun with her and when I got there he was ready to head to the park for the mud. Sixty degrees plus rain equals mud and one happy O. Once he was done there was mud everywhere and he wanted his bath. He asked me for his goggles. I think he might want an Olympic-size bathtub soon. We are always trying different foods with him and if he eats it at one place that doesn’t mean he will eat it someplace else. He ate graham crackers with cream cheese at his grandma’s house a few weeks ago so I tried it at our house. He ate one and told me it had marshmallows on it. He asked for more. I broke the first one I had given him into pieces and when he finished them he said more graham crackers marshmallows, please. I handed him a couple of pieces and asked him how many he wanted. He said, “Ten.” He ate them all. He had a good day. He took all the bumps in the road without too much fanfare. I’m hoping sleep finds us once again. He’s ready for his church day tomorrow and it will be interesting what he decides he wants to do afterward. Find hope in the good days and let that carry you through those rollercoastery moments. You are not alone in this journey called life and know you can do anything if you set your mind to it. Smiles to all and donut daze!

A very sleepy boy this morning but ready for his activities, brick house, fire hydrant, and grandma time tomorrow. Owen had a lot of opinions this morning but he was happy to get dressed and out to wait on that bus. We were waiting for the bus to come and he kept saying “Do you hear it here it comes” and using “hear” and “here” in different ways. He kept looking at me and I could see how he was processing the two words. He has come so far with his vocabulary and how he processes words to use. When he got home he wanted to make sure I knew he had Saturday plans all sorted out. He is very interested in playing with his grandma’s computer. I fixed his computer but I can’t figure out how to turn off the passcode on his. He knows the code to get in but it still changes how he logs in so it is different. I talked to him about having other conversations besides the ones he gets focused on. I reminded him that he already had the information he needed about tomorrow and we had already gone through it so we could talk about something else. I keep telling him to remember he is in control of what he wants to do and what he wants to talk about. I went over that he is brilliant and he can retain the information. I keep hoping it will help reinforce the information as well as how smart he is and that he still holds the key. Hopefully, his sleepy morning translates to a sleepy night. He is excited about tomorrow though so I hope that doesn’t wake him up. I’m thankful for his progress and everything he has accomplished. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

It was a pretty calm morning for Owen. He has been easing back into his routine after the holiday and he was excited about his day ahead. He loves his Thursdays. Since I told him about the Christmas event on Saturday he keeps talking about going to all the activities. He got it in his head that it’s a carnival I think because of the game he was playing when I told him about it and now he wants to go to a carnival. He seems much happier to be doing things now. It is like he is starting to understand there are more activities he might want to do. Not sure if that’s it but just seems like it isn’t as stressful to him. I’m trying to not push too many boundaries at once but still pushing for him to expand his adventures. Routine is very important to him and I wish everything could be routine but it is also important for him to learn that sometimes we have to be flexible and not everything goes according to plan. When I picked him up after school he wanted to come home to get a snack before his therapy. I did not drive the way he expected. This led to a huge meltdown and many emotions from both of us. His expectations of what he wants to happen and what happens cause the majority of his meltdowns. I know part of this is communication and that is something we are working on. He wouldn’t get out of the car when we got home. He pulled my hair and screamed at me because I didn’t drive straight and instead turned right earlier than he wanted me to. I finally got him in the house after I told him he wouldn’t be able to go to the activities on Saturday if he did that again on the way to therapy. I told him that he can’t yell at people for not doing what he expects. He did much better getting there and apologized saying “Do you understand me that’s a great idea.” He wanted to go to the statue and Burger Boy afterward because he loves to look at them. I explained to him that he had to behave or he wouldn’t be able to go on Saturday. I reminded him to breathe when he was feeling stressed. I reminded myself of this as well. He didn’t scream and only tried to tell me a couple of directions until I reminded him about the activities. I talked to his therapists about behaviors and communication skills. Progress is being made but I want to make sure he has these tools for the teenage years. I told them I want to make sure he understands that he has to answer questions and he has to ask questions so that his voice is heard and he is part of the decision-making process. He’s very excited about his Saturday with his grandma. He wants to drive by the fire hydrants and a particular brick house that has a pool with no water but he told me he is going after the activities. I keep thinking about him telling me he wants to eat dinner with Santa. I am so glad he likes all of the activities and he is making so many connections. He’s ready for snow so he can wear his snow boots and overalls. I can’t wait to see what he thinks of them and if he likes snow as much as his newfound love for rain. A miracle happens when it’s supposed to and my miracle is happening now. Change is the chance for a new experience. We each grow and change in our own time. Always remember you can do it. Smiles to all and donut daze!