The sleep train continued through the night for Owen and only derailed once for me. He was talking about the Spanish BeatBo as soon as he woke up. I wish I could find one. He wants it to be mailed to him so the mailman can deliver it to him in a box.

He was very talkative this morning. He did not want me to get him ready for school but he did not like the alternative of missing school so once we got that straightened out he was ready to get dressed. His next words were “Walk in the road.” It’s his new mantra I believe. He got on the bus and off to his beloved school he went.

Before he left for school I told him we were going to his sensory therapy when he got home. He hadn’t been in a while because of my schedule and how I had been feeling. He was so excited. As soon as he got off the bus he started asking about when we were going but I stood there shocked at what I saw. He had headphones on.

The bus aide told me that he did amazing on the way home. He was so calm and he said he was sitting there watching everything and hardly gave them directions of where to turn. I am so thankful for all of his bus support teams and how well they know my son. Each one of them is amazing with Owen and truly is kind to both of us. I was still shocked he had the headphones on. Over the years we have tried them off and on but he wanted nothing to do with them. My mom even got him a pair recently and he only wore them for a couple of minutes but I am quickly learning that magic happens when he goes to school and he is now loving them.

We took his stuff inside and got ready to go, headphones and all. I told him how cool they were and he told me they were “robot BeatBo headphones.” I thought yay if that helps him wear them and it makes him happy I’m all for it.

We got in the car and he was pretty quiet the whole way there. He only asked me a couple of times about his schedule. We sat in the waiting room and he turned his tablet volume up. I told him to turn it back down and if he did it again I would take his tablet until we got back in the room. He did so I took his tablet but he was extremely calm and didn’t get upset at all. He had a great session and was very calm the whole time. So much progress.

When we left there we met my mom at Dairy Queen. Owen had decided where we were going. We all got French fries with our meal but somehow they all became his. Anytime my mom or I tried to eat one he gave us the eye. He thoroughly enjoyed his meal and he was still wearing his “robot BeatBo headphones.”

We had a pretty good ride home. He only raised his voice once. If I squashed anything further by telling him he would lose his tablet and he was calm from there. He was calm for the rest of the night. He didn’t want to take his headphones off for his bath. I told him he could put them on again in the morning. After his bath, he wanted to know where I had put them. I showed him where they were and then he could go to bed. It didn’t take long and he was out.

I look back over the day and I think about all the people that have made such a huge impact on our lives. There are so many incredible people who care for my son and are helping him grow. I’m excited to see how the “robot BeatBo headphones” go tomorrow. The challenges of yesterday will be the victories for today. Watch what tomorrow brings. Smiles to all and donut daze!

My morning seemed to start before our night even ended. Owen had trouble falling asleep last night. His afternoon turned into the evening and it made for a very long night.

I don’t often talk about medicines and supplements because there is always a debate about what should be used and who should use it. Plus, what works for one person does not always work for someone else. Off and on for years, I tried to give Owen melatonin and instead of it helping him sleep it kept him awake. I tried many other types of supplements and nothing worked. We went to numerous sleep specialists and had multiple tests done. The one medicine we tried caused the opposite of what it was supposed to so we once again moved forward.

Lavender baths were supposed to be calming and instead that made him wide awake and wake up even more times which I couldn’t even imagine was possible when he would wake up four and five times a night to begin with.

Sleep did not become more consistent until I tried melatonin again after years of it not working. Plus a little help from Curious George and the man in the yellow hat saying that if Curious George needed him he would be in the other room. After that Owen didn’t even want me to come in the room to say good night. He wanted me to stand right at the door and off he went to his bed. Since then he has been sleeping so much better with only a few nights of no sleep.

Last night was one of those nights. Any change in anything can cause a difference for him and once again trying new things does not always go according to plan. It is an emotional decision trying to decide if your child should be on medicine or any type of supplements.

After many hours of him going to his room only to return moments later, flipping the lights on and off, and then coming to me to ask me if he could go to the bathroom while raising his hand, I was finally able to convince him to come to lie down in my bed. Thankfully within a few minutes, he was out and slept the rest of the night.

When he woke up he was rested, happy, and ready to get to school. This made my day and I was thankful he had slept so well. My heart aches for the hard moments when he can’t process something. The queen of overthinking is right there to make sure I overthink it enough.

We got ready for school and he was calm as we headed out to “walk in the road” and he at least listened as I went over the rules again. The bus came and off they went. When he came back from school he immediately started talking about seeing his teacher tomorrow when he got off the bus. He watched the bus drive away and then we went inside.

As soon as we walked in the door he wanted “chocolate milk veggie straws and sausage dogs please.” He ate all of it and that was just the beginning. I could tell he was tired but he was happy and hungry. He sat at the table singing songs as he played on his tablet.

After he ate he came to sit with me and he snuggled in my arms. I cherish these days because they don’t happen as often as they did when he was younger. He wanted me to watch some videos with him. He got up for round three or four of more food and then it was time for his bath.

Bedtime was right around the corner and he was out quickly this time. I’m praying that he sleeps better tonight. I went back to our old routine and supplements so I hope that helps for a good night. His hugs and that super smile made my day. Each day is a gift. Find your ray of sunshine in the chaos and cherish those moments. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Last night I slept better but woke very early with my stomach still in knots. I keep reminding myself of the good stuff. I have felt better as a whole for this infusion. The taste of food and my stomach are the holdouts this time but hopefully the week ahead the chemical taste will be gone.

Owen woke around six and was very calm. We went through our new morning routine and then he got his tablet. I fixed him some breakfast and he sat there playing his tablet. He did not want me to do anything besides sit. I told him if I didn’t get up he wouldn’t get to go to school. He told me to go back to the “white bed.” The rules that he sets in motion are hard to even explain. It’s not a matter of me standing, getting dressed, and then getting him dressed it’s the fact that if he doesn’t remain calm then he can’t process what any of the next steps will be and he will have a meltdown before I can even stand up to get ready.

He gets overwhelmed and overstimulated in a split second if he can’t think through the steps we have to do. Most days he can handle the process but some days something like having his clothes spread out on my bed will have him screaming and his foot tapping before I can even pick up his shirt to help him with it. He can’t handle laundry on the bed but I try to explain to him it’s not laundry it’s his outfit.

We got out the door to wait for the bus with him telling me he was going to walk in the road. Once we went over the rules again we crossed the street and the bus came around the corner. He was quicker to get on the bus without repeating that he was going to see his teacher on Friday at least ten times. I was excited about the progress.

His teacher said he had a good day at school. I was thankful for that. She told me he had been asking for me and that made my heart happy. We went to his music therapy and he was in a group session. His therapist said he had a much better day than last week and only talked about her pants a few times in between their songs.

We came home for a little bit and then went to his vision therapy. He did wonderful with the different exercises and did several he had not been able to even comprehend before. He was focused on her pants and if she would find blue gum but at least he was not upset about it like before.

The ride home however was something that broke my heart. He thinks that every time we drive somewhere he needs to be in charge of how we drive. He thought I was going to turn at a red light but I wasn’t. He pinched my arm and he was trying to open his door which always has the kid's safety lock on. He can’t even comprehend this behavior. When we got home I told him that his behavior was unacceptable and he wouldn’t have his tablet. I also told him that if he did that behavior again he would not get to go places in the car. Trying to work on a behavior can lead to one emotional behavior after another. He cried and told me he was sorry and the sorries continued all night. These emotions lead to more emotions and that leads to repetitive behaviors.

Trying to find the right way to correct a behavior is one of the hardest emotions I deal with. It leads to him repeating his words and actions. Because he knew his behavior was wrong and that it had upset me. This is progress for him to be able to process this much but it is so emotional for both of us. He kept saying, I need to use the bathroom.” I would tell him to go to the bathroom whenever he needed to and he would then say, “No bathroom” and start it all over again. It was his way of handling the emotions.

With all of this, he truly had a good day. He worked through many different scenarios and was able to do things he hadn’t done before. I’m proud of him and I know tomorrow will be another huge stepping stone of progress. Walk through your challenges with your head held high and know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I slept better last night, only waking once and feeling like I had turned the corner to a great week ahead. If my stomach would stop doing flips I would be happy. Owen slept all night and a little past six. He checked to make sure church was happening today and that he was seeing his grandma.

He was very ready for church and also wanted to know who he would see. He then started talking about asking his teacher if she knew about summer school. I said, “What day is it?” He answered Sunday and then told me he talks to his teacher on Monday. I felt that was progress.

I walked into the kitchen and he came from the living room to randomly hug me. These are the moments that make my heart whole. He ran off to play again. He was very calm this morning. He only came to me a couple of times to ask a question before we got ready for church.

I told him we were getting ready for church. He listened as I told him what we needed to do. He didn’t hesitate when I asked him to do all the steps and we were out the door. I hadn’t told him we were going to yoga after he went to see his grandma because I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel this morning. He was so excited and asked about it all the way to church. He was missing a few of his favorite people but he had a great time and then we were off to grandma’s house.

He spent a few hours with his grandma. She said he was very focused on her white hair and what he was doing the rest of the week but had a good time. We left there and went to our yoga session. We had a great time and I was excited about the progress I was making.

On the way home we ordered some food. I started telling Owen I got him the chicken strips but I only got the word “chicken” out before he said, “No no no not chicken and ducklings no ducklings never eat ducklings.” I do believe this was my favorite part of my day. He always brings a smile to my heart. He ate most of his chicken and fries. No ducklings were consumed during the meal.

He was very calm for the rest of the night. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep. He fell asleep repeating his teacher’s name and telling me he would see her “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday” and that felt like progress. Focus on the good stuff and let the rest fade away. You can change the world with one act of kindness. Let that happen today. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Last night was another up and down night for me but I’m starting to feel like I’m approaching the upswing. The food thing continues to be the hardest part for me. I truly have come to appreciate how good food tastes when it once tasted good.

Owen slept all night but woke up a little early. It was after five but I dream of those days where we both can sleep in. He woke in a pretty good mood but knew he wanted to get through the day so he could focus on the things he wanted to do. He immediately skipped Sunday and went for the Monday confirmation that he would see his teacher on Monday as he yelled it out walking from his room to see me. Next, as he came closer he moved on to saying he wanted his tablet. He finally got to talking about tomorrow and that was a long conversation.

He wanted to confirm he was seeing his grandma tomorrow. I told him that was the plan. He wanted to make sure church was happening and I confirmed that as well. Then he started listing off the friends he wanted to see and asking me who was going to be there. I knew for sure two of his friends were not going to be there and he knew they were not going to be there because they told him last week. He went through the list but I couldn’t confirm anything else. I don’t know how to explain life happens when you have something else planned. It’s hard to explain.

This morning was pretty much a rinse and repeat of yesterday. I tried to move forward and not think about it. I wanted us to have a calm day since I knew his schedule had been changed. I asked him if he wanted to go to the park but he said no. I still have been up and down with my stomach so I wasn’t upset that he wanted to stay home.

He talked to me a lot about his tablet, his days ahead, and wanting to take a bath “later” he kept saying. I was happy that he was calm. Many requests for food came throughout the day, randomly asking for meals at different times like right after he ate a previous one. That bath time request finally came in for the right at the moment I least expected and he wasn’t taking no for an answer. It turned into an hour-long bath that he didn’t want to get out of until he decided he was hungry again and wanted his tablet.

Bedtime was met with him getting up numerous times. First to confirm his grandma would have “white hair tomorrow.” I know he is worried her hair is going to change like mine did. The next time he got up he told me he heard a bee outside and it was too loud so I needed to turn off the buzzing. And the last time to remind me that we had to go to church tomorrow. I explained to him that he needed to go to sleep so we could go tomorrow. It also made me teary thinking about other mommas trying to explain to their autistic children why they couldn’t do something because of the hurricane.

Thankfully no more visits to tell me something occurred and he was asleep. I pray he sleeps all night long. I see growth in my sweet baby O and I pray every day for him to make more connections. I loved hearing him sing a new song all day but I couldn’t make out the words. I have a feeling he learned it at school. Be joyful in song and let the world hear your praise. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Some days you just need to have your own personal pan pity party. And this morning I was all over it. I woke up emotional. I went to bed emotional so I guess sometimes you don’t out sleep your emotions. But this morning was one thing after another and I wanted to cry for it all.

Owen woke happy and talkative. However, there was no convincing him that I should leave the “white bed” even though I reminded him that was the only way he was going to get to school. I reminded him that we had to get ready and he told me he wanted to wear shorts. I told him that soon he was going to need to wear pants and he had one answer for me “No.” I think my mom is right shorts over sweatpants might be the only way to go.

Changing Owen’s daily morning routine is hard. Supplements, medicines, brushing teeth, clothes, and anything else that needs to be done is not something he wants to do because he is focused on the one thing he wants to do and that is get out that door. Today was that day. My heart breaks when it is so hard on him but there are days we have to push through it all to make it out the door.

The weight kept sitting on top of me after he left. The last week one thing after another kept happening and when there is nothing I can do about any of it besides wait it is truly hard to process it all. I think about how hard it is to make decisions anymore. We used to have fewer choices and not everything was available all the time. Now we have to make quick choices with a million more options. I can only imagine how Owen feels when I list four things for him to decide from when I should only be giving him two. But that’s where we are in the world.

As the morning went on one person after another reached out to me and lifted my spirits. I was beyond thankful for the outpouring of love and support. Then Owen’s teacher sent me an amazing message and it made my heart so happy. It was all exactly what I needed. Progress from my boy and joy in my heart from others got me through the day.

When he came home I was ready to see his smiling face. He said, “Sorry Mommy” when we came inside. I told him I was sorry too. I always want him to know we are in this together. He often reminds me with his words and actions that just because he doesn’t always know how to express himself or answer something doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it or know it. He knew today and he gave me a big hug.

I wanted him to have a calm night. I asked him a few questions about his day and he was able to describe the project they worked on but I knew I wasn’t going to push it if he didn’t answer. He requested waffles for dinner without me giving him any choices so waffles it was. Bedtime came and he was ready. He knew he wasn’t going to see his grandma until Sunday so I hope it doesn’t cause him to overthink too much.

Each day we are faced with challenges and today those challenges felt overwhelming but through prayer, love, compassion, and understanding it was a journey of growth. I’m thankful for my sweet baby O and that amazing little giggle that lights up my world. Remember you are bigger than any challenge you face. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Autism wasn’t important to me until autism was important to me. I never imagined the things I would learn from being an autism mommy. I never imagined the things I would need to learn. But I did know the greatest love I would ever have would be for my son.

It’s gotta be part of the hormones. His. Mine. Ours. Life. He’s twelve. His is just beginning. I thought mine were gone. Here we are though with a lot of emotions and the last few days I keep trying to focus on sugarcoating it all.

My heart hurts when something like a person parking in front of our house causes him to scream and have a meltdown. I remind him again to breathe and count to ten. He doesn’t understand why a car has to be exactly where he wants to walk when he is about to walk exactly in that spot. And he certainly doesn’t understand why they don’t understand he needs them to move. This isn’t something that always bothers him and it isn’t something that might bother him tomorrow but today it did. He recovered quicker than I did. I got him to calm down but each step after that was me watching to make sure he was focused on being calm.

I had a mixed night of sleep but thankfully Owen slept much better than I did. He was relatively calm when he first woke up but one thing after another kept happening. He was very excited about his day though and he couldn’t wait to get to school. The first thing he wanted to talk about with his teacher was summer school. I redirected him as best I could and our day began.

I picked him up from school and I could hear him coming down the hall telling someone “Try to remember.” I knew this was about blue pants. And it was. Redirection for the win and off we went to his therapy.

Thankfully he had a great session with his therapist. He only had one today. She showed me the paper they worked on and she explained how they were working with directions like above, below, right, and left. He has been wanting to use stickers more and that has become a motivator for him which is incredible since he has never wanted to use them before. She also told me he did well with his leg exercises and coordination. I was thankful for all of this.

On the way home we picked up some dinner and he handled the car ride pretty well. He wanted to go certain ways and I told him that as long as he didn’t yell and remembered to breathe I would follow his directions but if he got upset we would go straight home the way I wanted to go. This seemed to work.

The night was mostly calm so I didn’t rock the boat. He didn’t want to talk to me about his day. I completely understood and we need nights where we can just sit in our own thoughts. I’m going to focus on the good stuff again and let today wash into the next. The laughs came and the songs were sung as the night came to an end. That’s the good stuff. Let today go and focus on the miracle yet to come. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Last night was a little up and down for me but Owen slept until after six. He was very calm this morning and he seemed to be processing the days ahead as soon as he got up. He started talking about Spookley the Square Pumpkin and I figured as much as he was talking about it they were doing activities at school with it. I was happy when he told me “at school.”

The morning went quickly. He was ready to get his day started and he wanted to get out to the street. He talked about seeing all his people at school. I was happy when he listed the rest of the days of the week instead of only saying the end of the week. I could tell by the way he said it that he was processing it as the week was happening and not focusing on a day that was still far away.

Out to wait for the bus we went. He was happy and focused. He wanted to cross the street without me but I do not want him to get that in his mind. I remind him constantly that he has to wait for me, look for cars, and then we can cross the road together.

He was calm standing there as we were breathing together and counting. Then a lady drove extremely slow by us and yelled out her window “You waiting on the school bus.” This sent him into overdrive and all I could do was continue to talk about seeing the bus in a minute and reminding him to breathe. I never know what the world is going to throw at us to remind him to breathe. The lady had no clue how her words would impact him, how could she, but it takes so much for him to process situations like this, sometimes. The bus came around the corner and off he went.

When he came home he was all smiles. The bus let him off and he ran to get in his spot again. The bus took off and the driver honked the horn. The smiles got bigger from Owen as the bus took off around the corner and then he came running towards me. He did this jump and came to tell me about Spookley again. I love how much he loves the bus.

The night seemed to go quickly. He was much calmer and was focused again on tomorrow. He didn’t change his focus for the day until he got in bed and then he started yelling about Friday. I’m not sure why he gets his mind ahead on days but he was focused on talking to his teacher about summer school right as he drifted off to sleep. I’m praying for a good night's sleep for us both. His smile, giggles, and the random songs he sang tonight made my heart happy. Find what makes you smile, let the giggles win, and sing with all your might. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Last night was one of those non-sleeping nights but who knows for what reason. A thousand things floated through my head. This is the week that everything tastes different after my infusions. I am thankful this one hasn’t been as bad as the last three but I am ready for food to taste good again.

Owen slept until a little after five. I’m thankful with everything that was on his mind last night didn’t keep him awake. He came to get his tablet and I lay in bed a little bit longer. He was beyond ready to get his day started. He knew it was October. I am so amazed at how well he keeps on top of the days of the week.

We spent some time playing together before we had to get ready. He told me that we had to cross the street and watch for cars. I am loving this progress. He was much calmer this morning as we went to the bus until he had to get on it and then it was the same thing. He had to check his schedule and make sure what was happening with all the days ahead. I know it is so much for him to think about. I wish I could reassure him of his schedule even though it continues to be the same.

When he came home from school he was very calm. My favorite part is when he gets off the bus he runs down the sidewalk to wait in his spot for the bus to pass by and honk its horn. I’m so thankful for the bus drivers and aides. They truly give their all to my son.

Food was the name of the game all evening. I was so happy when I asked him what he wanted for dinner and he said, “Pancakes with a fork.” He uses utensils but it is not his favorite thing to do so when he asks for silverware my heart always jumps for joy. He is truly growing.

Bedtime came quickly and his teacher and aide were talked about a lot. He couldn’t wait to go see them tomorrow. He was telling me about Spookley the Square Pumpkin and he wanted to watch the video. It makes me smile knowing that Halloween is something he looks forward to. For years wearing a costume was too hard for him and here he is now waiting to dress up in October. Smile in the moments when it feels tough, rejoice in those days that feel rough, and know that tomorrow will be a better day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I love how he now puts his hands behind his head when he’s cheesing 😁

Sleep is a glorious thing. I only woke up once last night and Owen slept until after six. This makes this momma very happy. Thankfully I am still feeling better. I am tired but my stomach isn’t doing any rock ‘n roll moves. Food doesn’t taste great still but at least I’m able to eat and drink.

The focus was clear this morning and Owen wanted me to know he needed to see his teacher in December and all the other months. He has been more elevated lately. We have been able to talk about it and worked through so much but today would prove not to be the easiest of those days for him.

The rules have to be perfect. The clothes have to be blue but not his clothes, the traffic lights need to be green, and the roads not busy. My heart aches for my sweet baby O when his days don’t go according to plan and he can’t handle it. His anxiety was way up today and I keep praying for the right answers to help him through this. Growth spurts are hard and I know he is going through one. Each day I tell him I love him and it will all be fine. I remind him how brilliant he is and that he can overcome anything. I want him to feel strong and be strong in these moments.

We got ready for the bus and he was doing fine until it was time to get on the bus. He has to make sure about his schedule for the week instead of focusing on today. He got on the bus and he kept talking to me, wanting to know if he was riding the bus home tomorrow. He knew today I was picking him up. This has been his schedule for years and he still questions it.

When I picked him up from school he was already elevated. As we drove to his music therapy we went over the assigned days for blue pants. I even wore blue pants hoping it would help him. As soon as we got there blue pants were his concern even though I reminded him today his therapist wouldn’t be wearing them. My heart just aches. His sadness and anxiety from blue pants are so hard to even explain. It is like it hurts him to not see the people he needs in blue pants to be in something else. I talked to him about letting people decide what they want to wear like he wants to wear shorts but this still was too hard for him. I just pray that he can somehow make a connection that will help ease this from his mind.

On the ride home he was talking about cars around us. I randomly asked him what the one in front of us was and he said, “Jeep.” I couldn’t believe he knew what it was. It amazes me how much he knows and stores in his mind. He named a couple of others correctly as we drove by.

We didn’t have his vision therapy today but he decided he wanted pizza so we got pizza for dinner and I can sure tell it truly is a growth spurt. I asked him if he wanted to take his bath after dinner or wait. He told me after dinner so as soon as he was done I said let’s go take your bath. He started screaming “No bath today” but I reminded him he just asked to take it now. I told him that we don’t scream at each other and he finally calmed down. He said, “Take deep breath calm down.” I am so glad he is connecting to this now. Once he was in the bath he didn’t want to get out.

After his bath, he was much calmer. He laughed so hard and we had fun playing with his games. I pray for more connections every day and for him to truly embrace how to calm down. Together we grow and together we learn how to win tomorrow. Never give up on the miracle yet to come. Life is what you make it so let’s make it grand. Smiles to all and donut daze!