Oh, how he was ready for his day with Grandma. He slept until five and came out swinging. Well screaming. He wanted to make sure he was not missing his day. Oh, how winter has been hard. The snow worries on top of our regular worries have added to all our worries. I told him to take a pause and reset as I wasn’t even awake yet. Round two was better and we worked on our breathing a lot so then he wanted to know the time, who is picking him up or dropping him off through the summer, the outfits we will be wearing, and what restaurants we will be going to. Good morning world. It was going to be a rocky kinda day.

Sometimes the hardest part is waiting out the moments, bracing myself for the screams or the repetitive questions until I answer or can redirect him for two seconds only for him to cycle back through what I redirected him from. If he wants something he wants it that moment. He will take my hands even if I am in the middle of something. He doesn’t understand that I could drop something or have to start all over because I wasn’t able to finish my thoughts. My heart races in these moments I know it is going to be a long day. Some days it is hard for him and some days he is having a great day and does it because he sees how frazzled I get when he interrupts me every few seconds for a hug or kiss on his forehead that he will plant on my lips mid-sentence. And he finds it all amusing.

He wanted his grandma to pick him up. I told him that I had to wait until I talked to her since I had the appointment. She agreed and came to pick him up at eleven since my CPR class started at noon. It is one of the requirements of the program that Owen is on. The morning was anything but calm. He asked every few minutes what was happening. I gave him all of the steps but he was very concerned about them.

His concerns didn’t stop there. He was worried that his teacher would be back in August, that he wouldn’t see his friend in October, and who was going to take him to all the different events he wanted to go to. I tried to comfort his needs, but when you have something on your mind, you have something on your mind.

He wanted to wear his “design jeans” but he kept taking them out of the laundry so they were not getting washed. I told him that I had to wash them before he could wear them today so he finally gave them to me. I put them in the wash but I can never hear when the dryer goes off, so I set a timer. He turned off the timer so I went down early to get them, but they were not dry. I did not have time to go back down so he didn’t get to wear them today. I explained to him this is why I tell him not to turn off the timer when I ask him not to.

We quickly finished getting ready and we went outside to meet his grandma. They were off for their adventure, and I went to my class. After it was over, I went to pick him up and he immediately started talking to me about the fact that he wasn’t wearing his “design jeans.” I asked him if he remembered why he wasn’t wearing them and he told me that they were wet. I asked him again if he knew why they weren’t dry and he was able to tell me he turned off the timer. I hope that when more things like this happen, he will be making more connections to the event events like today.

We got home and he immediately put on “his design” pants because they had time to dry. We got a pizza and a calzone per his request but our main conversation was about whether we get to go to church tomorrow. I told him that we would get to go if we did not have a repeat of the morning we had today and he had to listen. I pray that tomorrow there is no more screaming and we can go to church.

The night was filled with no screaming, thankfully. He can’t wait to go to church tomorrow and told me how everyone says hi to him, “Hello Mr O hello friend” and he went on and on. He did a lot of his breathing exercises, but they were about an inch from my nose. At least he was doing them. Bedtime came and we said our prayers. Mine was about keeping us moving forward and his was about thanking God for our Church. I walked back to my room and we had our nightly conversation as I walked. After I said, I love you he said, “Amen.” And with that, our day was done. I was thankful for the laughter we shared in the smiles that he gave me. I pray for a great morning and a wonderful day ahead. The top of the mountain only seems unreachable if you don’t take the first step. Smiles to all and donut daze!

“Slept upper night,” I heard Owen say from his bed. He went on “Good morning mommy how are you today I’m fine it’s Friday shorts in April.” He went through many months reciting the clothes he could wear and the weather status of each month. I never know if I’m going to get the weather report, our fashion choices, or what restaurant we are visiting soon. Not to mention the report on his day and who he wants to see.

He asked when we were going to “eat together again” with his grandma. I love that he is enjoying eating with people now. It makes my heart so happy. He is ready for everyone to wear shorts - I mean he is ready for him to wear shorts and everyone else to wear what he wants them to wear. He was very concerned that I was getting up too many times to get my coffee. Sometimes he needs me to sit and he cannot handle it when I am walking around the house. Calm mornings are helpful so some days I sit more than other days.

Once again the bus app was not working. Truly this is a problem so we went out early once again. I am trying to teach him that not everything goes according to plan and sometimes we have to do other things when we are waiting. When we came home yesterday I had to park down the street because there were no open spots in front of our house. I wanted to move our car closer so I had him get in with me while I moved it. I could have waited until after he left but we still had at least ten minutes until the bus arrived so I knew we would have plenty of time. He was not happy about this but I walked him through all the steps and he handled it. We got out of the car and talked about it.

We worked on our breathing exercises as we waited. I asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he said, “a red present.” It is always interesting what he comes up with. He was also very distracted by everything that was happening but I try to keep interacting with him in these types of moments so that he could learn to regulate himself and recognize that these types of situations happen. I also try to be respectful of those moments when I know he cannot handle it and move forward. He has to be able to process it without being uncomfortable or stressed to the point of a meltdown. The bus came and I told him he was amazing. He wanted to make sure he got to stay all day and no snow was coming.

He was a happy dude when he came home because his day went according to plan. He was very excited about all the food that we have ever eaten, the food that he wants to get tomorrow, and the restaurants that he wants to go to with all his people. He moved on to the pools that he wants to go to this summer and the people who will be accompanying him. It is amazing how quickly he goes through the facts and moves on to the next subject.

He also made sure I knew that the Clay Center was not at the field and that they have a statue outside. He also informed me that he can’t go swimming there. We then talked about that to confirm no diving into any of the water features there. It truly sounds like he is going to go on this non-field trip field trip and I am so excited for this connection.

The night continued with him pulling dirty clothes out of the clean laundry and putting the clean laundry into the laundry basket. My head spins with all the things I need to stay one step ahead of. He went from always screaming about laundry to now pulling all the laundry out and putting it everywhere. I have to find a better solution because telling him not to do something magnifies it and he tries ten times harder to do something so I can’t act like the laundry is a problem because this makes it harder on me. So I breathe.

The rest of the night was food filled with lots of questions and a few screams about when he would be going to his grandma’s house and if it was going to snow this weekend. I could only answer one of those with a yes. He was ready for bed because that meant going to grandma’s house “not at five oh oh eleven oh oh.” It didn’t take him long and his prayer was for his grandma. His smile is what I needed tonight. Sometimes when the world feels tough it is hard to keep pushing forward but the more you stay positive the more positive things will happen and walking forward will get that much easier. Keep moving forward and those positive words will get you there. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sometimes I feel like the train is constantly going and I’m always boarding late from the wrong station, sometimes. We recycled most of the discussions from yesterday but he was very excited about his day ahead. He couldn’t decide if he wanted a pizza and calzone or if he wanted to go to all of the other restaurants. I knew it would be a last-minute decision.

He was very focused on when he gets to go to the Clay Center and what will be happening. I am happy he is considering it and at least talking through it. I am anxiously anticipating and hoping for a spectacular non-field trip for him. I think once he gets through tomorrow and knows that it is next week it will help him. He is talking about who will ride on the elevator with him and what else he will do when he is there so it feels like a big step for him.

The bus app was not working once again and it was also trash day. He did great about helping me get the trash outside but he wasn’t as thrilled about taking it to the curb. It was disrupting his waiting time but it is something we still need to work on because he has to understand that sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do when there are other things happening. I also have to be aware of when this is actually a teachable moment or if it is going to cause a meltdown and that was certainly not what we needed right before he was about to get on the bus.

Pause and reset is exactly what we had to do. When he was carrying one of the bags he turned it upside down and something fell out of it. I told him it was fine and I would get it but he got very upset. He picked it up and licked it. We did many breathing exercises before he left because he was licking and biting everything that was and was not “bleeding” or being “caught” on something. But he was happy to be going to school. The breathing exercises helped and he was calm by the time the bus got there.

It’s hard knowing that any reaction I give him is going to be how the following years go or moments. Whichever comes first. He hangs on to how I handle something or an expression I make. Sometimes I don’t even realize I am doing something until he relives the moments with you. Like the “bleeding” or something getting “caught.” It could have been something anyone said to him or a video he watched. It’s like needing everyone to wear blue jeans. We have cycled through this since 2020. We are in a pretty good place with it right now so I’m thankful he is not as focused on it.

So much information on the way to therapy. He was telling me everything. He wanted me to know about the activities they did and talked about the Clay Center. I asked him if he wanted to get something to eat after his therapy and he said, “Straight home.” And we went straight home. He wanted the food we had at home. He kept talking about going to see Mary C Snow Elementary and that was that. He didn’t actually want me to drive him by it but wanted to know why he wasn’t going by it anymore with the bus or his grandma. I told him because he goes by the blue church now. He never forgets a thing and always wants to do all the things unless he doesn’t.

I talked to his occupational therapist about him getting things “caught” and “bleeding” to see if she had anything we could work on. She told me that when she was putting the swing away in their session it actually got caught. She told me that they worked through how they had to move the chair. She took a picture of it and showed it to him again later and he was able to tell her that they had to move the chair. It helped me think of ways to work on this with him and I will show him the picture as well.

“Oh-when,” he said emphasizing his name and sounding a lot like me when I am trying to get him to do something. He laughed every time he said it. His laugh is the best. Our night was pretty quiet except for the talks about what he was doing for the rest of February and technically the whole year. He had a few moments where he was screaming at me but I tried to redirect him and I finally had to let him work it out. Bedtime came with a happiness in knowing that he was going to school tomorrow. He went through the hours that he can and cannot have his tablet, thanked God for school tomorrow, and told me that he loved me. And with that, it was officially nighttime. The best thing is knowing he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Live life forward. Positive words and positive actions equal a positive life. Smiles to all and donut daze!

When you ask when the next snowstorm is coming through you might be getting this whole winter thing down. Owen slept all night and wanted to make sure I knew it. He then immediately started asking about the snow. He wanted to make sure all his days were going to be fine and that they had internet on his tablet at school. Which reminded me I still need to get his internet setup on his tablet.

He was very playful this morning and laughing a lot. I asked him if he wanted to go on an adventure today when he got home from school and he quickly said, “No.” He emphasized it many more times but I wasn’t surprised and I didn’t expect it would change when he got home. Only one adventure per week I suppose. He needs the downtime when he comes home to process his days and he likes to be home.

The bus app, truly who needs it? It only works half the time which just causes more stress because we have to go outside earlier to make sure we don’t miss the bus. When we are outside he asks every few moments when it is coming. He was excited when the bus turned the corner. He then quickly went through all the people he would see when he got to school and off he ran to get on the bus.

And he was off. I had a feeling he would have a great day with all the happiness he wanted to share with me this morning even though there was also a little side of mischievousness mixed in there too. I am so thankful he loves going to school.

I went through a lot of stuff this morning. I am going to become the Queen of Organization at some point. I know it will help him because his “design pants” have somewhat become the “little blue jeans” of the past. He now moves them around from the laundry, out of the dresser, to the bin, and then to the clean clothes pile even when they are dirty so I have to figure out a system that he can help with the laundry to truly get the process.

Yesterday I put all his musical instruments in their cases. He took them all out last night and they are back to where he wants them. That works for me. He plays them as he watches things on his tablet. It is amazing how he knows where everything he wants should go even when I move something.

He got home and he was happy. We are making progress on the non-field field trip. He immediately got off the bus and went through numerous questions about whether Friday would be the last one of February. He wanted to make sure he stayed in school. Even though he knew all the answers he went through them again. He then told me about the Clay Center next Friday. I told him I was excited he was going. He mentioned that he wasn’t going to an “outside field trip only inside trip no fields.” He was very specific. Then we moved on to hitting and no-hitting talk. He said it’s wrong and it’s a joke.

The rest of the night was pretty calm. We danced and sang our way through it. He is excited about school and therapy tomorrow. He prayed about it and I know he is looking forward to his day. I see so much incredible growth and I’m very thankful. His laughter always makes me smile. Let today be the first day of the rest of your life. Know that you can be the change you want to see in the rest of the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

To understand that delays happen is a glorious thing. Owen woke up very concerned about all the things but once we got through a few of the moments I told him I was not awake enough to be yelled at and he would have to wait. He went back to his bedroom. He calmed down and gave me a few minutes. Once we moved past that I told him yes he was going to school but it was a two-hour delay. Next, he had to make sure we had our program visitor and I told him yes. This all made him very happy.

What he didn’t know was that we were meeting our friend Kassidy for dinner. I didn’t tell him because I wasn’t sure about the delays and I wanted to surprise him so it would be a change. We were going to someplace different, Diehl’s. He loves their food, so I know he would be excited for that as well. He was calmer as the morning went on and that was a good start to our day.

It is always a challenge to remind myself that we have to be calm first and then work on our next steps when he is in screaming mode. He started concentrating on all the food in all the places so which always makes him calmer it seems as long as I constantly tell him we are going to all of them. It is amazing how much food now means to him and he loves going to the different places.

The bus app is only our fair-weather friend and once again was not working. I needed to make sure we didn’t miss the bus so we had to go wait out on the porch since it might be early. I told him we were going on an adventure after our appointment and he was embracing the adventure. It’s all in the wording I’m learning which also keeps me very much on my toes. Even if we had to change our plans I wanted to still try to take him on an adventure. Wording is everything and he was digging it. He was off to school and he sounded excited about the adventure so we will see how it all goes.

His teacher let me know the internet was out at school and he wanted to make sure that we had it at home. I told her that he is always concerned about it when the internet is out. He told her the leprechauns needed to fix it. The leprechauns get deployed for everything. I wish somehow they could hold back the snow.

When he got home, I was finishing up our appointment and he was so excited to see our representative. We waited for him on the porch and he got to talk to her for a minute and then watch her go bye-bye. He is always so excited to see her but all the rules have to be the same. He wants to make sure I have blue blankets on the couch and his toys placed exactly as he needs them even though he’s not there when the meeting is taking place everything has to be in its place. As soon as she left, he walked through the door to make sure everything was exactly where it needed to be and then he told me he was glad she got to see his blue blankets. It’s amazing how something like that can make his day.

He was so excited to go on our adventure. We were off to meet Kassidy after we did a couple of things. He kept saying “We are going on an adventure.” He was so happy and I was thrilled. I didn’t tell him the whole way there who we were meeting. I told him we were going to Nitro and asked him to guess where we were going. After a couple of tries, he guessed Diehl’s. We were almost there and he said, “Pick up Kassidy.” I changed the subject and he went back to talking about the Clay Center. I am so excited that he keeps talking about it and says he is going.

When we got there, our friend came to our car and he was so happy to see her. We walked inside and they put us in a booth. When the waitress came for our drink order he knew they did not have chocolate milk so he immediately said water to her. Then he told her he wanted the fish. He once again said our prayer “Dear God, thank you for keeping us moving forward, Amen.” I was very thankful. He had such a great night and was thrilled with his adventure. I’m so glad he agreed to go and was very excited about his adventure.

Since this time we met, he asked about “sitting under the trees” at her house. I told him that we would have to do it another time because this time we met. She told him that we could go to the park so they could sit under the trees and he said, “Owen not going.” I think it was too many steps for him to process but we can always try it next time when the weather is a little warmer. I was thankful that he came home from school and was able to go on an adventure. Those were big steps for him to take and he did amazing.

He was tired after all his moments today. He stayed calm for the rest of the night. And I’m so thankful that he is possibly going to the Clay Center for his non-field trip. He talks about everyone who is going and who is going to ride the elevator with him. Bedtime came we said our prayers and I was very thankful for a great day. He’s had so much incredible growth and I look forward to seeing what comes next. Keep working on making your dreams come true because they will change your life. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen was not happy but at least he was not mad. He knew before I had to tell him that his day was not going to go according to plan. “School school,” he said. I didn’t say anything right away and he continued, “Snow it’s bad.” “Too much weather it’s bad” was then almost chanted. He slept until almost six.

For his routine to be completely disrupted he was very calm. His music therapy automatically gets canceled when the schools close but I canceled my physical therapy and his vision therapy. It’s too confusing for him to go to other places when school is canceled. I wasn’t sure about the weather how the roads would be so home it was. Now that he is starting to understand more about snow we will be able to push some of those boundaries and rules but keeping him calm and happy on days like today is my top goal.

As the morning went on he mentioned the weather every few minutes and all the places that we couldn’t go to but he was showing me all the places he wanted to go eat when we can go. It seemed like we both ate enough for not going anywhere. We started early and kept eating.

He amazes me with all the orders he remembers. He will go to Google Earth and show me the different restaurants we have been to. He tells me the name of the restaurant, where it “lives,” and what we ordered. He will go through who was with us and if our orders were right. I’m fascinated but how interested he is in the restaurants, orders, and what cities they are in. I feel like we should do restaurant reviews and maybe this would help more of them put chocolate milk on their menus.

He only mentioned school a few times but he certainly was not interested in hearing anything about it being anything but open tomorrow. I will be surprised if it is closed but the night isn’t over and we keep getting more snow. They called to let us know there will be a delay but the roads seem to be clear for the most part so hopefully it will be only the delay. I guess I could guess until the cows come home and still be right or wrong. He was handling it well all day so I know he will do fine again tomorrow.

I was thankful for his playful attitude and happiness throughout the day. The last few days have given me so much hope for how he will start to handle weather events. We have gotten through the meltdowns of rain in the last few years and here we are moving forward on the understanding of snow. This is a beautiful thing to watch.

In so many ways bedtime couldn’t come soon enough for me. I couldn’t fall asleep last night. I prayed for a good day today if school did get canceled but my anxiousness for the known and unknown kept me up. He cries when routine isn’t routine is the routine and I was thankful for the change. He is growing and I am beyond thankful. These are the learning days for both of us. Let yesteryear go because it is only holding you back from believing in tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The sleep happened big time for the O or so I think. He slept until about 6:30. The reason I say so I think is because last night prior to bedtime he informed me of numerous times that I would get up at all hours of the night to do numerous things like go to the bathroom or get something from the kitchen. This however proved that he can stay in bed even when he wakes up in the middle of the night for all these reasons. This feels like big progress and made me happy knowing he can look at the clock and regulate his own sleep schedule a little better.

He had talked to me about when he was allowed to do things in the middle of the night. He said, “Wakes up one o’clock in the morning two o’clock three o’clock four o’clock no tablet TV ok stay in bed.” He then told me that “he come to mommy.” He was saying things but I wasn’t completely understanding him. I think he was trying to explain that if he needed help to get me.

His big focus this morning was “church church church.” He was ready to go and see who would be there. I was glad that there was no snow at that point so we could still go. I knew it was too warm for snow overnight or so I thought. We will see what the next few days hold but at that point, I was keeping it all a secret until I knew if it would affect his school schedule. I thought about going to the earlier service but it looked like the weather was going to hold off so I decided to stick with his routine.

My excitement for the day was when he told me that he was going to the Clay Center. He wanted to make sure it wasn’t this Friday. After we discussed what day it was going to be on then he moved forward. I feel like he may actually go. Even discussing it feels like a victory because he is not saying “Owen not going.” I feel like his age and connections are starting to match more each day.

He walked into the room and said, “You are amazing.” He wanted me to sing his song I wrote for him. The smile washed across his face and then he said, “Have a good one see ya” as he exited the room. He did this a few more times. He practices interactions all the time. I feel like his screaming is even a practice session, sometimes. He needs to know how it works and the emotions that he invokes for both of us. And with that, I remind myself one day at a time and to help him work through our emotions.

We got ready and left for church. As soon as we walked out the door the snow was coming. It wasn’t very much but it was snowing. The words came out of my mouth before I could even think about it. “The snowstorm is coming,” I said. He heard me. He wasn’t even focused on the snow because he was focused on getting to church. The dreaded school question was asked as soon as we got in the car. “School tomorrow,” he said with the quizzical question dangling at the end. I said, “Let’s focus on today.” Thankfully he was more concerned about who was going to take him to his classroom at church so hopefully the snow does not snow on his school parade.

Our daily food talk continued after church. It had been a big thing all morning. We picked up his requested Burger King and he sang Christmas carols as we drove home. He asked when he was going to the “lie-berry” again with his grandma. We are our lunch and he kept getting crumbs on his pants. He said, “Crumble ups are on my pants.” He either wipes them off our picks them up to eat them.

I asked him two different times if he wanted a snack or a drink while I was doing several things. He said no. I got my snack and sat down. Within a minute he was asking me for more milk and chips. I explained to him that I was going to finish my snack first and then fix his because I offered when I was doing other things and then again when I made my snack. I asked him if he understood why I was making him wait and he said yes. My instinct is to always put my snack down and get him what he wants but hopefully, in these calm moments, this will help him understand. Or so I’m telling myself it is a good learning experience. He was very patient and in fact even when I did fix his snack he didn’t start eating it go about fifteen minutes afterwards.

He became very aware that it was “storming snow” and he wanted to know when the ice was coming. He was pretty calm about it all but I’m not sure that he is aware of the full impact of what might happen overnight. Although I felt like he was also grasping it. He said, “What’s the weather gonna be like it’s bad they gonna cancel it.” I said, “They haven’t told me yet” and he walked away.

He was getting it and I wanted to cry with joy because he told “May not go to school tomorrow try again Tuesday try again Wednesday try again Thursday mommy can’t begin to tell me.” I know it will still be complicated for him but this is so huge and I am so thankful! As the night wore on the county called and there will at least be a two-hour delay. They said they would determine in the morning if it is canceled.

When we got ready Owen prayed and then asked me again about the snow. I told him I still didn’t know. He said, “In the morning.” I rejoiced again. The weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that he is at least handling this without crying or having a meltdown brought tears streaming down my face and goosebumps on my arms for the progress he has made. This is truly amazing like him. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Your miracle is right around the corner. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The day was going to start out rocky but I quickly squashed that initiative. I asked him if he wanted to be upset or have a good day. He said, “Have a good day” so I told him there would be no more screaming at me. He said, “Hug hands you need a big hug” and hugged me. He has asked me a few times about what the day holds but was very calm in comparison to yesterday, until it wasn’t.

Fridays have got to change and I’m not sure how I’m going to do that yet but new rules are coming. That’s all I can do. I brace for impact when he comes home from school. It is interesting how it happens. He has so many emotions happening and things that he expects. One little thing can change it all for him. We need calm over chaos.

I feel like sometimes he holds it in all week and then Friday is his release day. I pray for ways to calm him so that we can talk about how he is feeling. There is no getting through to him if he is elevated. He has to be able to focus on our conversation to learn anything from it.

He woke right at his “five oh oh” and immediately started being very loud, wanting me to answer everything. I slowed him down a little by telling him I had to wake up before I could answer anything. This was not going to be another hard day. I stayed in bed a little longer and then got up to talk to him. Thankfully the time helped him and he was much calmer. He got the answers he needed and then moved forward, sort of.

He was ready to get to Grandma’s house but it was still very early. He wanted her to pick him up after I told him that she wasn’t going to pick him up and bring him home. I told him that means I pick him up and he said, “Yes Mommy gone for a few hours pick up the food on the way home.” And this is what we stuck with.

He was upset because one of his robot BeatBos stopped working and I didn’t realize I was out of batteries. They eat batteries now. I asked him if he wanted to take his BeatBo with him because his grandma had batteries and he said no. I guess he just wants to be mad about it. I ordered some but they aren’t coming until tomorrow. We got ready and we went outside to wait for Grandma. He was extremely happy.

Later that afternoon, I went to pick him up. On the way home we stopped at Chick-fil-A. He was full of interesting questions that I could not even begin to answer. He wanted to know who his bus aide will be in August and which roads he gets to go on. Then it was miles and miles of talk about his best friend. He wanted him to go to all the schools with him and couldn’t understand why I couldn’t tell him if he is going to “college school” with him.

The were a few moments where he tried to get worked up again, but I was able to calm him down and it went much smoother for the entire night than yesterday. We are supposed to go to church tomorrow, but they are predicting snow for our area over the next few days. I think it’s too warm for it to happen overnight so we should still be able to go to church, but I didn’t even want to begin to tell him that it’s possibly coming because they say it might affect Monday.

I could tell he was processing everything that happened yesterday. I talked to him about how we are a team and that we have to work together. I want him to know that screaming is not an option. Talking to him about situations always goes better when he has time to calm down and process what happened. I see growth through every emotion we both share. Bedtime happened quickly and he told me he was going to sleep to “seven oh oh.” I heard his words and I rejoiced his actions. Praise the good stuff. The little victories still take us to the same finish line. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Oh to understand if now Friday is complicated by the non-field trip field trip or is it the usual Friday story where we have to stay home. Owen woke up informing me that we had to stay home but he also wanted to make sure he was staying at school. He went through it over and over again. He was right on the edge of concern about everything.

I asked him if he wanted to order a pizza or something for dinner tonight trying to help him understand we can stay at home and still do something. That complicated things but we talked about it. We were ready for our day of being where we are supposed to be, hoping the bus would come in the right direction, and I was thankful the bus app was working this morning.

He was off to school and he was edgy. I prayed for a great day. He was happy the bus came the right direction and that he was off to see his people. He however wanted me to know that his hopes and dreams all needed to come true for the days ahead. I do believe a lot of his anxiousness was the confusion about whether today was the Clay Center trip day. I debunked that rumor many times but it still didn’t calm his nerves.

Licking, biting, and all things that could get caught were “bleeding” so our first few minutes of him being home were eventful. Otherwise, the rest of the conversations were screamed about going to see his grandma tomorrow. He wanted to know how he was getting to and fro. Christmas carols were next while confirming that washing his hands was not something he wanted to ever do so he licked the water instead. Oh, how I prayed this bumpy road wouldn’t continue the whole evening.

He calmed down for a few minutes and we ate a snack and watched some videos on his tablet. He spelled out “December” as he watched it fly across his screen and said, “It’s pink kind of a magenta” then he listed off other months with their colors that weren’t on the screen but he knew each one’s color and how to spell it. It truly is amazing how much he has stored in his brain.

He wanted his grandma to come pick him up after I walked him to the corner of our street. Why do I think this is a bad idea but sure why not do it? If we started it once then it’s gonna be something that he will hang onto and get upset if it doesn’t go according to plan every time. It was a very long Friday night of him yelling at me for most of it.

He has been hiding the supplements that I give him. I found his stash under the couch when I moved it. No wonder they have not been helping his belly. In the middle of his yelling, he did stop to pray “Dear God, thank you for keeping us moving forward, Amen.” I told him that yelling is not part of the moving forward part. I told him that I knew it was hard, but we had to work together in these moments.

He told me he was already dressed to go to his grandma's house tomorrow. He has changed multiple times throughout the night. He also hid his “designer jeans” under his clean clothes so he could wear them tomorrow. He wanted to wear them but they were inside out. We worked on that for a while and he finally got how to pull the leg out. He said, “Thanks for telling me.” I love it when he’s able to express his emotions. I have to focus on the progress he is making and know that the behaviors are reactions to his emotions. His emotions are my emotions and it breaks my heart when everything is so hard for him.

It is very interesting to see how he processes it all. I told him that if he kept yelling he wouldn’t get to go tomorrow. The yelling got louder. He could tell I was very upset and he kept saying “you are amazing” and wanted a kiss. He made the muah sound and put his forehead on my lips. It’s been a long day. He asked for waffles for dinner and then only ate a few bites. I could tell he was having trouble processing a lot that was going on. I prayed for the night to go calmly and that he could sleep

The hardest part is knowing he gets so much of it but can’t process it to stop so the yelling continues. He needs those confirmations, but even when I give them they don’t always comfort him. Friday nights are hard and I know that in some way, I have to figure out how to change them up so that they are not as daunting for him each week. We set our prayers and as I was walking out of the room he said, “Sorry mommy I love you.” I told him I loved him too, and I cried a little harder when I got to my room. I remind myself that today’s challenges bring tomorrow’s victories. His laughter is the beauty in the story and I was thankful we had those moments of laughter today. Find what makes you laugh and share your journey. It is important. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sometimes you gotta know all the plans and sometimes you need to know what the weather’s going to be like for all those plans. Owen “slept upper night” and was very happy about everything until I made the mistake of saying that his grandma cannot pick him up and bring him home every single Saturday. He was excitedly telling me how he wanted her to do both again and I tried to explain how that is not possible. The whole rabbit hole swallowed us up as I had never been down this rabbit hole before but there we were. My point was null and void as far as he was concerned and we would circle back around to this much later in the day.

I prayed rain did not become the enemy again. It was a big focus when we were spiraling down the rabbit hole and I needed him to get back to happiness for his day ahead. He was calmer and excited about his day after we circled around to other days but he was still concerned that this was February. It’s been a long year I think for everyone. Thankfully the bus app was working so it was ready set go.

And he was off. Another different bus driver and they came from the opposite direction to get him. Thankfully he was so excited to get on the bus that he didn’t get upset in that moment. The rain didn’t rain on our parade either so I prayed this would all continue. Thank you God for keeping us moving forward, I prayed.

The backwards bus wasn’t an issue until it was an issue. He talked about it all the way to therapy. As soon as I picked him up the conversation started. I asked him if he was mad about it and he said no but said he didn’t want it to happen tomorrow. He kept asking me if it would happen again and my answer was I don’t know. He did not like that answer but insisted he was not mad about it going the wrong direction. I didn’t watch to see which way they went after he left my view but he wanted to go the way he wanted to go and that didn’t happen. He had a good day at school though.

It felt like summer out when I was waiting for him at his therapy but he didn’t want to take off his jacket when he went inside. Winter rules mean a jacket is needed. And they say we may have snow on Sunday. He also wondered when we would get to eat with his grandma again. It’s interesting how one conversation flows into the next.

I was sitting when a mom came out of his therapy place with her kids. The child bent right over and licked the cement parking block. She immediately went into mom mode. I am like been there, still been there, still going to be there but I have been trying not to react now, trying. My face and body are gonna do what they’re gonna do even if I tell them to behave but I’m trying not to react to every single thing he licks. It hasn’t made a difference for one of us but I am trying to let him decide what to do. You can only stress out about so many things in one day.

So far I think he is still wanting to go to the “Clay Center trip.” I texted his speech therapist so she could maybe work with him on the difference between going to the field and what the term “field trip” means. He seemed like he got the reference once I explained it to him but I am hoping that she will have some strategies that will help confirm it for him. Her spin on it might help. I texted her so he wouldn’t get upset or backtrack on it with me referencing it in front of him. He is making incredible progress with everything.

One of his other therapists said he had a good day and was able to regulate himself. She told me that he asked after one of the exercises if it was time to meet mommy. He then told her that I told him he is amazing. When they came out before he even got close to the car he yelled out “Amazing.” It makes my heart happy to hear him say he is amazing.

The night stayed pretty calm with only a few concerns about Grandma picking him up and bringing him home. After I told him that wasn’t going to happen he then told me I could walk him to the corner and she could pick him up there. If nothing else the dude is good at formulating a plan. I am thankful for his growth and his amazing way of teaching me about the world. Today is a new beginning for the dreams you have. You can make them come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!